What do I do?

[LostLonely]

Hi, Last Wednesday, my Girlfriend of almost 4 years said to me that she didn't want a relationship anymore, that she wanted to go out with her uni friends and have fun, without having to worry about me, which I kinda understand, as we've been going out since she was 17, and I'm really all she's known in her adult life.

 

I know that in the past I've maybe been too intense with her, you see she has a lot of different groups of friends, where as I have 1 set of mates who all go out together, this obviously meant that I would go out once maybe twice a week (usually when she did with her mates), but as she had a few sets of mates, she would invariably go out 4, maybe 5 times a week to see them, meaning I felt a bit neglected when she did. When I mentioned this to her, she said that I was making her feel guilty for going out and this was making her resent me, which she didn't want to do!

 

Obviously this feeling has grown over the last few weeks, and came to a head last wednesday when she told me she didn't want a relationship at the moment.

 

The trouble is, i'm really struggling to come to terms with the whole thing, I don't know where I am, and I'm confused by her signals. She tells me "I do love you you know" and that she "couldn't bear to think about me with anyone else", but yet she doesn't want to be with me just now!

 

We were planning to go away with her mum and dad to America in September, and she still wants me to go, she even said she had a dream where we'd go as friends, fall in love, and that I would propose to her, which confused me again, does she want me or not?

 

I don't want to go down the no contact road, as we're pretty much best friends and she is my soulmate (and I am hers), we're seeing each other for the first time since on Sunday evening, and I don't know how to play it, do I act like I'm not bothered, or do I tell her how I really feel, and risk pushing her away?

 

When we talk on the phone, I invariably start off ok, but then gradually start to get a bit upset, which doesn't help me, and makes it hard for her as well!

 

Do I stand any chance of going back out with her? Or should I let her go without a fight? Do I back off and leave her be? I just don't know what to do for the best!

 

Help me please! Thanks a lot

 

Andy

[phil1981UK]

Hey dude, sounds like you got a situation there.

 

Well, It certainly sounds like she dosent really want to lose you, she is trying to keep you in her life and thats a good thing.

 

But you should be wary that she isnt trying to have her cake and eat it so to speak, she says she dosent want a relationship and that to me sounds like she wants to play the field a little, but at the same time she is trying to stop you doing the same by saying things like she couldnt bear to see you with anyone else, so be careful.

 

The best thing I think you can do is go out with your mates as much as possible and enjoy yourself. Whatever else you do dont cut yourself of from new opportunities with other girls, if one comes along that you like then take her out, its no commitment, but it will help you. And it may well make you (ex)girlfriend realise she wants you back!

 

Be strong and get on with your own life and she will respect you for that, in the end if she wants you she will let you know, if she dosent then you wont have wasted a lot of time waiting for her.

 

From what you say, theres a good chance youll get back together, just make sure she dosent make a mug of you in between.

 

Good luck buddy.

[Awrey88]

When a girlfriends are tricky. I have only had one but this one has caused me alot of grief and happiness too. I think that if you hold your ground and dont push her she will come back to you. I understand that right now that is the hardest thing for you to do, but it will work I think. My girlfriend and I have been having sort of the same problem, how I feel she isn't giving me enough time or helping me enough. All I can say is to not be possesive, I now from your posting that you are only thinking of her and holding back telling her to take some time for you. If she really cares for you then she will contact you first, if that doesn't work and she doesn't call or email then its up to you to make your decision. It may have to be the hardest one up to this point in your life you will have to make. Love or leave her.

[LostLonely]

thanks guys, I must say that this site has helped me to get to grips with my situation, I think you are both right, I should take this time to enjoy myself,to think of me for a change, rather than trying to please her all the time.

 

I know she doesn't want her cake and eat it to, I know her inside out and I know 100% she wouldn't do that, as I said we're best friends and soulmates.

 

She has said to me that I'm the right person but at the wrong time of her life, she said she wished that we had met now, instead of 4 years ago, cos she would've done what she needs to do beforehand. I never mentioned this in my previous post, but I'm 4 years older than she is, and I've had the time to mess about, meet girls and generally have fun with my mates, she has still to experience life really!

 

I guess there's nothing I can do to change her decision, but until she decides 100% I'm not gonna cry another tear over it! there's no point cos it only makes me feel bad, and pushes her away!

 

Thanks again, it 's really helped, I'll keep you informed!