My odds aren't very good, are they? Heh...

[dr_styles]

Eh, I'm on the fence with this one. I don't think I'm *that* unattractive

This comment was more just something formed from observation. I don't think I'm that bad either, but I'm obviously not attractive if I haven't "attracted" anyone.

 

I'm not sure what exactly you mean, in this one. The first line I'd agree with, in that my "routine" isn't really bad or self-destructive, it just doesn't put me in the right position to meet people.

 

Pretty much just an extension of the first one on joining primarily to meet people. Not a very compelling reason.

That latter part was more another emo thing from me, haha. Going to a big school, big busy University; you'd think you would get a couple of looks, couple of chances, but no. Call it personal pride? "My name is Styles and I'm doing this because no one finds me attractive and or looks like someone worth talking to."

 

(The crunch is I realise this is the exact mentality I'm trying to change)

[dr_styles]

Ugh, not this guy, he's cheesy. I've even told him that, and he said the cheesy arrogant lines you say to girls is good, I work with more girls than guys and I can tell you that this stuff wouldn't work and they tell me that hate it, others tell me that they hate it when guys they don't find attractive compliment them. But honestly, I don't know what really works myself, I get along great with them without even trying.

 

Yeah I reckon he is, almost like wow that part (I referred to) is something that actually makes sense for once. Especially because it doesn't involve actually getting a girl or anything, so no lines or methods.

[MorphyGyps]

Gentlemen, all I hear are excuses. I'm not being mean or judgmental here, but that is my observation. You guys make tons and tons of threads and posts about the same issue, asking the same questions in slightly different or roundabout ways, and use similar excuses in every thread.

 

The world rewards doers, not people too afraid to pull the trigger. I'm not being mean, it's just that sometimes a swift kick in the butt is what you need. People have responded with kind, well-thought out, and EXCELLENT suggestions in every one of your threads, but your response in each one is always the same - Some variation of the excuses you post below.

 

Look, everyone is different. No solution or approach works for everyone. Everyone needs to find their own way. But you guys aren't even giving these things a try...don't knock it 'til you try it once! Life's too short, try everything once...if it really doesn't work then fine, don't do it again. Why not have a progress/update thread, like some people do, to keep track of what you are trying, your successes, your failures? Or if not on ENA then a private journal. That way you hold yourself accountable for making things happen.

 

Because let's face it, in this world, people who DO and produce RESULTS are the ones that win, whether in work, relationships, or any aspect of life. Just think of work...do you value the employee who whines and talks about ideas, but never executes? Or the guy who actually plans and tries his ideas out, and produces results? Talk the talk AND walk the walk. And you can start small. No one expects you to become Romeo off-the-bat.

 

The point is...stop talking and start doing.

[MattW]

I can understand why you seem a bit annoyed with posters like me and styles, but here's the thing; for whatever reason, it's not as easy for us to just go out and change our ways. If I could snap my fingers and instantly turn into some sociable charismatic guy, I would. Unfortunately, that's not how it works for us; we have some sort of "mental block", and I suspect most of us don't know what, exactly, that "block" is, or how to get rid of it. So, we may constantly be making the same type of topics, or "excuses", but it's only because we're not really looking for the easy answer of "just go out there and do it!", we're trying to figure out what's blocking us mentally.

 

Like I've been saying (or, at least, implying) though this topic is, I think I could be a pretty cool, likable, charming guy, I really do. But for some reason, I keep repressing that guy, and not letting that side of me out. THAT'S what I'm mostly looking to resolve. I'm not exactly coming here going "I'm shy! How can I get girls?!".

[MorphyGyps]

Hi Matt, I don't find you guys annoying, and I'm not being argumentative here. I just think sometimes you need someone to tell you the hard truth!

 

I did not and have never said a change like that would be easy (sorry if my message implied that). As I said, there's different solutions for everyone. And no, of course you can't change into a super social/charismatic guy at the drop of a hat. BUT...you need to start taking those small steps. Identify those small goals and objectives you think will help you get to the higher objective. Talking about it openly on ENA and getting feedback is likely one of those first small objectives. But you've already accomplished that. You've discussed here. You've gotten feedback. Time to move to the next objective. So I challenge you...what do YOU think is the next small step you can talk? Something light and achievable, but that would help you get to your higher goal?

 

You have to keep the end in mind (becoming the super social guy, getting a girl, whatever), but you have to figure out the 5, 10, 15 milestones in between. That way you don't get overwhelmed. I am NOT advocating you suddenly change in one day. In fact, I think that's YOUR issue. The end goal seems so unattainable, you aren't even trying to plan the small victories in between.

 

So what will you do next? How about going to the gym once a week to make yourself feel better? Don't like the gym? OK fine, start doing 10 push-ups a day at home (or something small like that). That's how I started! When I was 15 I was an awkward scrawny kid. I started doing light, easy workouts. Then slowly increasing their difficulty and intensity. Now, having taken those small steps over many years, I can say I'm definitely where I want to be physically.

 

How about finding a hobby/club/social activity you can do? You say you're not really interested in anything or it's too expensive or whatever. Well try something light and fun...just TRY it. You don't have to do it forever. Experiment, be curious, live life. Maybe you won't like it. But at least you can say you tried. Guess what, I took up snowboarding for the first time this past winter. I was apprehensive, thought it was too dangerous. But after the first time, I was hooked! I went 8 more times after and bought my own gear. So you never know!

 

Don't like working out? Don't like hobbies? Fine, how about starting even smaller. Just wake up every day and tell yourself you're a great catch and that you'll be positive and keep a smile on your face. Start with that, anything. Build your confidence bit-by-bit.

 

My point is not that you should find a silver bullet, all-in-one solution, that will suddenly transform you into God's Gift to Women. That's not even possible. When I say "Just Do It" (Nike anyone?), I don't mean..."Just become the perfect guy". What I mean is, start doing SOMETHING. Because action, even small, tiny action, is better than inaction, which is where you guys are at.

 

It's your whole mentality holding you back, and you know it. Be positive, be confident, be assertive, and just start doing SOMETHING!

[MattW]

Heh, I guess I get what you mean. Truth be told, I think I'm *kinda* doing a little better, accomplishing "little goals", but it's such a SLOOOOOOW process with me, that it's driving me crazy. Right now, I'm working part time at a retail store while going to college, and working at said store helps to kinda push me to communicate with people I don't know, on a frequent basis. Every now and then, I'll converse with a shopper more than I usually would have, and there have also been a few times where I was able to let my real charismatic side take over in order to make a couple good sales, and I ended up doing pretty well. For the most part, though, I still have my quiet, submissive "wall" up.

 

So, like I said, I'm making tiny tiny progress, it just bothers me that it's taking such a long time. T_T

[dr_styles]

I agree it's all a mental block - some good ideas there Morphy, although I already quite a lot of them (i.e. look after myself)

 

I wouldn't say it's knocking it till you try it but just that lack of motivation too, and that just leads to more excuses.

I have done the coffee shop, bar, and pub thing, and each time was just a waste of time and money. I don't knock the places but obviously just not for me, so it's not entirely a case of never having tried it.

 

I dunno it's still pretty annoying to have to do these things. I mean you see plenty of people who are much less outgoing or sociable or whatever, and they're all handy-dandy with a girlfriend. Not having a go at them or anything but really you wonder what the difference is ...

I agree it's not good to treat any "new" things like a silver bullet, but in some ways it is - this one or two new activities during the week will somehow change everything. Like I don't believe you are as shy or submissive as you believe MattW. It is hypocritical of me to make this point because I believe I am myself a bit too, but again you look at others and we aren't that different. It's rare for people to say Hi to everyone (sad reality 'ey), it's rare for people to just ask people out cold.

 

Ofcourse I'll still be out to try and do these activities or whatever since continually posting the above, like you say is just pointless. But yeah, if you're getting the whole vibe of "some thing is wrong with me" from me, then yes you'd be right.

 

But again great post Morphy. I got a perfect PM question for your know-how

 

(lol whoops that turned out much longer than I thought, sorry guys!)

[MattW]

I mean you see plenty of people who are much less outgoing or sociable or whatever, and they're all handy-dandy with a girlfriend. Not having a go at them or anything but really you wonder what the difference is ...

 

Hah, yanno, I noticed something like that at work, too. One of my coworkers isn't really all that talkative; he's not "shy", but he's a lot like me in that he rarely strikes up a conversation, himself (unless he's trying to make a sale to a customer), but he'll speak when spoken to. Yet, there've been about four girls that have started working at the same store (and left, at different points) that were always following him around, always being real flirty with him, etc., and I just never got it. I dunno, maybe he was the "strong silent" type, and I guess maybe that's where he and I differ.

 

Compare that to this other guy I work with, who's kind of a cocky "jock" type, who flirts with female customers, even making sex jokes to them, and STILL gets good responses! Pretty crazy, huh? It's hard to believe he can get away with that kind of thing, and still get girls going nuts over him. Hell, if I were to ever make a sex joke like he does, people would probably think I'm some creepy pervert and start distancing themselves from me.