Poor communication with certain people

[Rickster]

Do you find yourself having poor communication with certain people whilst at the same time being able to communicate with others? I have a distinct (in my area) manner of speaking with people and I suppose a 'one size fits all approach' doesn't work with everyone. I find it especially tough to communicate with those who have a tendency to speak other languages while mixing it with english. However, it has nothing to do with the language barrier as these people are also just as proficient in english as they are with their other language.

 

Sometimes I try to be humorous in my own sense of style that certain of my close friends can understand and sense, but with others, it seems like a normal conversation. And then I look so dumb saying what I just said when it was meant to be a joke. Funny thing is that I can understand their conversations and pick up on their humour or gossip or whatever it may be.

 

Then I thought, why not give their sort of communication style a try, so that I can fit in. I just can't pull it off though, not like how they do it. Again I look like an ass just trying that.

 

Leaving them alone or just not communicating to them isn't really a solution, it is just avoiding it. So how can I improve, or go about this problem when our communication patterns are so different?

[Batya33]

What I would do is avoid using humor with those people because it sounds like it falls flat or worse might even come accross as offensive. That makes it much less fun of course to communicate but that might solve the problem.

[Rickster]

What I would do is avoid using humor with those people because it sounds like it falls flat or worse might even come accross as offensive. That makes it much less fun of course to communicate but that might solve the problem.

 

The communication would sound bland won't it? On top of what I said, sometimes I feel that these people think I have a touch of arrogance because of the way I speak or portray myself sometimes which is how I talk to my closer friends. I don't know whether they think that I'm some * * * * * who talks in such and such way to sound impressive or flaunt my use of language.

 

How can I get to know these sort of people on a personal level rather than just be aquaintances? I don't know how else to describe the conversations we have so I'll give you some examples of what their topics are.

 

It's mostly personal experiences on certain trips or vacations.

Movies.

Particular guys in classes that I have no idea who they are (they are girls).

Gossip.

 

I do participate quite a bit here and there and also listen to what they say. But I can't develop that closeness or bond that I do with my closer friends.

[jul-els]

Sounds like you're just a bit more quirky than your circle of associates. Nothing wrong with that. Originality is a gift. In this instance it sounds like being a good listener would be your strongest form of communication.

[Rickster]

Sounds like you're just a bit more quirky than your circle of associates. Nothing wrong with that. Originality is a gift. In this instance it sounds like being a good listener would be your strongest form of communication.

 

Thanks! I already do that too often to the extent that some people think that I'm too quiet I'm a shy person in front of people whom I'm not close to, but with people I'm close to I'm open. In trying to improve my communication (my first post) with these people, I'm also trying to improve myself to be less shy around these kinds of people. And try to openly express my feelings and thoughts which I can't seem to do with people that I'm not close too because I don't want them to think I'm some dictator or I'm worried I might hurt their feelings.

[jul-els]

Thanks! I already do that too often to the extent that some people think that I'm too quiet I'm a shy person in front of people whom I'm not close to, but with people I'm close to I'm open. In trying to improve my communication (my first post) with these people, I'm also trying to improve myself to be less shy around these kinds of people. And try to openly express my feelings and thoughts which I can't seem to do with people that I'm not close too because I don't want them to think I'm some dictator or I'm worried I might hurt their feelings.

 

As long as you're not being offensive or inappropriate, you shouldn't worry so much about what others are thinking. If you're comfortable, they'll be comfortable.