Unattractive without a care in the dating world

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

Is there anyone out there who knows they're unattractive, has been told so, is being held back in the dating world primarily because of this, but still maintain a positive outlook when you're going babe/dude hunting. In other words, if you know you're defeated in looks, where do you get your confidence and optimism?

[ghost69]

you really shouldn't be so down oh yourself. i've seen your self-pity posts before. same subject matter. i didn't have what you'd consider 'looks' back in the day, but i've since changed. i worked out, dieted, gained some size, my body changed, grew out my hair and tried different styles etc. also, found how i'd like to dress for me and all that.

 

but before all of that, i knew i was smart, quick-witted, funny and outgoing. i used those traits to my advantage as much as possible. you have to know your strong points.

 

i see some of what society would consider 'not lookers' with some hot bf/gfs/husbands/wives/fiancees.

[Kyoshiro Ogari]

you really shouldn't be so down oh yourself. i've seen your self-pity posts before. same subject matter. i didn't have what you'd consider 'looks' back in the day, but i've since changed. i worked out, dieted, gained some size, my body changed, grew out my hair and tried different styles etc. also, found how i'd like to dress for me and all that.

 

but before all of that, i knew i was smart, quick-witted, funny and outgoing. i used those traits to my advantage as much as possible. you have to know your strong points.

 

i see some of what society would consider 'not lookers' with some hot bf/gfs/husbands/wives/fiancees.

Did you get better feedback before or after the physical change, or was it the same. Did you get more attention and better opportunities when your looks were enhanced? See I tried enhancing my looks. New hairstyle, clothes, style. I am in fairly good shape but I don’t take supplements so I won’t have a dramatic Banner-Hulk transformation. My sense of humor and other qualities have never been an advantage, although I have been told it is. But it’s not. So I am trying to look better so that the other qualities are not over looked. That’s why I asked if you were perceived a better catch when you looked better.

 

Since you are a guy then you don't really have to worry too mcuh about being "unattractive" you should still be able to succeed. There are other ways to exceed and succeed than your looks.

Really? I don't believe that, unless being rich is what you mean.

[OrangeMoon]

Defeated compared to whom? We all have our own strenghts and beauty..

 

When you look outside and watch couples go by..do you only see 'beautiful people' in relationships?

 

Expand your horizon a little, because then you will see that there's a whole world of possibilities.

 

Know your strenght and let that shine...

[ghost69]

Did you get better feedback before or after the physical change, or was it the same. Did you get more attention and better opportunities when your looks were enhanced? See I tried enhancing my looks. New hairstyle, clothes, style. I am in fairly good shape but I don’t take supplements so I won’t have a dramatic Banner-Hulk transformation. My sense of humor and other qualities have never been an advantage, although I have been told it is. But it’s not. So I am trying to look better so that the other qualities are not over looked. That’s why I asked if you were perceived a better catch when you looked better.

 

 

Really? I don't believe that, unless being rich is what you mean.

 

of course i got better feedback after changing the various things about my physical appearance. i attracted more women yes. but that doesn't always get you the girl. they have to like your personality too. i bolded why i think you need to look at changing your down on yourself attitude. if you feel you aren't noticed much, be more outgoing and spontaneous. girls like seeing guys that look like they are having a good time, not the guy sulking in the corner because of his looks.

[OrangeMoon]

Did you get better feedback before or after the physical change, or was it the same. Did you get more attention and better opportunities when your looks were enhanced? See I tried enhancing my looks. New hairstyle, clothes, style. I am in fairly good shape but I don’t take supplements so I won’t have a dramatic Banner-Hulk transformation. My sense of humor and other qualities have never been an advantage, although I have been told it is. But it’s not. So I am trying to look better so that the other qualities are not over looked. That’s why I asked if you were perceived a better catch when you looked better.

 

 

Really? I don't believe that, unless being rich is what you mean.

 

Yeah really...there are a lot of men who look great, but are the biggest dbags..

 

Rich is fun, but not if you are a dbag or boring.

 

We women are ofcourse also visually oriented..but on average less than men. Especially if you have got some age and experience behind your belt as a woman ..than looks tend to take more of a backseat ..to character, attentiveness, etc.

[flash83]

ive been through a lot.. when i was in high school i was rejected right, left, and center.. even by the ugly awkward girls. my 'friend' called me a fatass. my ex from a while ago told me her friends rated me a '2' (even after i lost weight). i know i am not attractive on the outside but i make it up with confidence, i see friends who are more attractive than me struggle more.

 

confidence for me was built from within by achieving goals and persisting.

 

i dont mean setting high goals but SMALL ones too. for example my first goal at the gym was to do 25 stomach crunches.. TWENTY FIVE, thats it. when i reached that goal i felt good about myself. i eventually kept setting gym goals and felt better and better.

 

that eventually got me into sports and i became a hockey goalie. my first goal was to win a game in a league (which took me 10 to do, and a lot of people said i sucked.. discouraging but i persisted). i felt great after winning A SINGLE GAME. my next goal was a shutout which took me 25 games. i eventually built that up to MVP and a championship.

 

i got into sales and my goal was to sell $X in a week, and whenever i reached it i felt great. another was to read a whole book, from beginning to end (in that order) in a week.. i felt great and i learned that reading can be fun.

 

i used that energy from those achieved goals to boost my confidence in the rest of the areas in my life including my love life. for a '2', i get a decent amount of dates and interest. but you have to approach your love life just like the small goals i mentioned earlier. i build on the experience and lessons to improve myself for the future dates. i used to be desperate, said the wrong things, etc. but took a lot of small steps (with help along the way) i am much better than before.

 

achieve small goals to achieve larger ones! and always persist!

 

EDIT: another way to improve your attraction is good hygiene and to dress well. this will help greatly as i have learned. shave, shower, wear cologne, do your hair, buy new clothes, new jeans. its like serving the best tasting steak in a garbage can, no one will eat it... but they will go for the average steak served on a normal plate. don't be a garbage can.