Being prompt / having to wait on others

[Cardinal]

I am curious how you deal with the following area of conflict:

 

I feel very strongly that it is rude and inconsiderate to make others wait on me. If I have a meeting with someone at 9, I am there 5-10 minutes early regardless of whether it is a date or a business meeting. If I am late, I'll call or text, but I try to ensure that is a rare circumstance and also that I show up within 5-10 minutes of go time. I don't rush nor do I try to rush others. I just plan well and try to act on my words. It dawned on me recently that other people seem not to share this view and run late frequently or in some cases even consider it acceptable to make others wait on them.

 

Sometimes this conflict is contained to social meetings like going to the movies or dinner with a SO. But I have actually had it happen at other times. For example, I agreed to pick someone up the other day and leave at 9 a.m. When I got there, it took this person over an hour to get ready doing meaningless things. I waited and felt like my head was going to explode after the first 10-15 minutes (I can see it as normal having to wait a few for someone to finish getting ready, but over an hour comes accross as rude to me).

 

I'd feel terrible about myself if someone had to sit in front of me and wait an hour for me to get ready. Am I the only one who finds this a pet peeve? Also, how do you deal with this as a larger relationship conflict? I watched my grandparents fail miserably trying to deal with this over the course of 20 years or more. One was impatient and the other had no conception of time.

[Qut81]

Yes, its very inconsiderate. Lateness tells the other person that you dont value their time. My ex was late on my bday and I got so pissed. Sometimes things happen, but at least a ph call in advance to say, "Hey Im running a little late" would be the respectable thing to do.

[BellaDonna]

For example, I agreed to pick someone up the other day and leave at 9 a.m. When I got there, it took this person over an hour to get ready doing meaningless things. I waited and felt like my head was going to explode after the first 10-15 minutes (I can see it as normal having to wait a few for someone to finish getting ready, but over an hour comes accross as rude to me).

 

I have a couple of friends that do that all the time. Or if we make plans of any kind, they are ALWAYS late. Other than being disorganized and late, they are great people- so I try to come up with strategies to work around it. For example- if I want to meet them at 10:00am, I will tell them 9:00am - to account for their lateness. I can deal with it when it comes to friends, but I would never be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had those qualities.

 

I'm TYPE A and I am never late, so I have a hard time understanding people who are late all the time and can't prioritize their activities so they can be on time.

[amtjrtcet]

I hate waiting! And I hate it when people are late... I work two jobs, go to school, just stated teaching an bodypump class, and on occasion teach at a ballet studio...and I'm never late! If I say I'm going to be somewhere at a specific time then I'm there unless something awful has happened. I like to be dependable. I have a best friend that is always late, I mean always! I can't stand it. And there's never a good reason, she just doesn't manage her time. I'm getting mad just thinking about it!

[COtuner]

ROTFL You'd die at my company, then. We don't expect any meeting to really have attendence until 10 minutes after planned start. Really "helpful" when it's a 30 minute meeting.... it has taught me patience. I do much better than I used to.... I now only blow up in traffic behind Grandma and her Buick.

[amtjrtcet]

ROTFL You'd die at my company, then. We don't expect any meeting to really have attendence until 10 minutes after planned start. Really "helpful" when it's a 30 minute meeting.... it has taught me patience. I do much better than I used to.... I now only blow up in traffic behind Grandma and her Buick.

 

ugh, if I was the employer I'd fire every last person for being late.

[Lamour detruit]

Seems the people of this thread wouldn't like me; I am absolutely horrible at coming in on time. Has nothing to do with disrespect, it is just how I am. I tend do things at the last moment, and take my time with it. My family isn't too pleased with it either when they yell at me to come hurry my rump up because we are heading for a holiday.

[amtjrtcet]

Seems the people of this thread wouldn't like me; I am absolutely horrible at coming in on time. Has nothing to do with disrespect, it is just how I am. I tend do things at the last moment, and take my time with it. My family isn't too pleased with it either when they yell at me to come hurry my rump up because we are heading for a holiday.

 

nothing personal....but I do think its about disrespect. If there's honestly respect for the other persons time then one should be on time.

[BellaDonna]

My boss is always late. He is a very intelligent and effective leader- but his propensity to be late makes him extremely unprofessional. It drives me up a wall.

[COtuner]

ugh, if I was the employer I'd fire every last person for being late.

 

Considering it proliferates all the way to the CEO (whom I have waited a half hour for on occasion) I simply adapted. I get other work done.

[COtuner]

I'm usually early, actually, which also drives people crazy. I'm anal about being on time in my personal life. I'm getting a little sloppy at work now, due to the culture and the fact that I am running between 3 different buildings in town.

[Sweet Venus]

I try to always be early but I have the patience to wait if the other party is late. My friend is notoriously late. She doesn't do it because she has no respect for me; she's just completely useless with a clock. I know what she's like so I forgive her. My ex was like you and he would get extremely angry. I always viewed his attitude as an anger management issue because he always took it as a personal affront even when the person apologized profusely and yet he remained angry and held it against you.

 

I am one of those people who would take it personal, especially if the person

KNOWS they are always late, yet does nothing to change it. It IS rude and disrespectful to always be late. We all have clocks that tell exactly the same time. If they showed up late for work late every day they would be fired, so obviously they have to cpacity to be on time when there are consequences.

Sorry..this is a sore subject for me, and like the other poster, it makes me see

red thinking about it..lol

[Wolf_22]

There's only 1 bad member on a team: the leader.

[Iwantittoend]

I'm ALWAYS early, no matter what the occasion. I actually feel guilty if I'm not there on time. I don't know how others can deal with it.

[agape-mama]

I have a couple of friends that do that all the time. Or if we make plans of any kind, they are ALWAYS late. Other than being disorganized and late, they are great people- so I try to come up with strategies to work around it. For example- if I want to meet them at 10:00am, I will tell them 9:00am - to account for their lateness. I can deal with it when it comes to friends, but I would never be able to have a romantic relationship with someone who had those qualities.

 

I use this strategy as well with a few friends that are ALWAYS late.

It drives me crazy too, and I agree it's an issue of respect.

 

For some friends that I Know will be late, I try to organize it that they meet me, either at my house or at the location we are going to. If they are meeting me at my house, and we agreed on say 10 am, I leave by 10:10 if they are there or Not. (unless I've gotten a call to say "I'm running late").

 

Having them meet you at the location is not a bad way to go either, but can be frustrating if you are meeting for a meal and they won't seat you until your entire party is there. But, if it's a movie or something, then they miss the beginning... oh well for them.

 

There are some situations where I simply won't invite my "late" friends to join me if being on time is rather important.

 

I agree that it's hard to deal with in general.

Some friends you can mention it to, and others seem to take it too personally (in my experience).

[hayky3126]

I hate it when my friends and family are late but it ALWAYS happens. Even with my two kids, im always right on time or early to everything! I have been late several times to work but its really not a big thing when its a few minutes, ya know?? I def. agree with the respect issue. If your friends value your time and respect you then they would at least TRY to be on time!!

[StrawberryYogurt]

It's a sign of disrespct and it also can cause problems like if a game or movie is starting at a specific time. I have a few friends who are always 10, 15 min late so now I either say the meet time is 15 min earlier than it really is or just show up 10-15 minutes late myself.

[KrisAnn]

I too think it's about disrespect - I am ALWAYS on time if not early for everything, I can't stand when people are late to anything especially when it's work-related.

 

The funny thing is, I'm one of those girls who takes FOREVER to get ready! Not because I'm a primper, but because I am a dawdler. If I were to rush and get showered/dressed/hair and makeup done, I'd be done in less than 30 minutes. But I watch TV, play with the dogs, etc...so it usually ends up taking me at least an hour and a half to get ready to go somewhere. I'm better about it now because I simply don't have the time to dawdle, but that's just how I am.

 

Even with taking my sweet time, I'm never late; I just start getting ready earlier!