Is is phasing me out?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Just like there are conservative men who are not out to jump someone's bones right away, there are also men who are not into "the game". It is good that you sent him a text and he responded. At a certain point in the dating process it should be a give and take and not just up to the man to initiate and set up all the dates. Go by your actual rapport and interactions with this man rather than by any kind of "rule book" or "game book". Some people are just more easy going and march to the beat of their own drum rather than by dating rules and games. Just relax and be yourself.

[lilred]

CAD, your last words ring totally true! RELAX and BE MYSELF. Kinda hard to do in the intial stages when we are still getting to know one another, and everyone has their "best face" on. I have to admit, I'm still a bit guarded, and i think that it's warranted in a way. If I wasn't I would be texting/calling him all the time.

 

I don't believe in "rules", but I still believe you kind of still have to "play the game" so to speak. E.g. A man still enjoys the pursuit of getting the woman.

 

It's still frustrating for me a bit, since we haven't even had the DTR convo, and I want to bring it up, but my gut (and other girlfriends) tell me that the man should initiate that conversation, and again I don't want to seem to pushy/needy.

[JadedStar]

I would take this as a sign that he will be someone who does not match my need for communication. Three days with nothing is a long time to not send word when he was the one who left town. IF the OP is okay with chasing him down for replies, that is her perogative. I personally would not.

 

He might have responded to her playful text but it is yet to see how this will play out. Maybe he will ask her out again, maybe he won't. Maybe he will just respond to texts but not take it forward. I just would not be enamored by someone who isn't more interested in getting in touch with me when he is back in town. Why should I have to ask him when he is back? If i left town i surely wouldn't expect him to chase me and have to ask me when I was back, i would be polite and courteous and let him know. And it isn't about a game because i would be just as inclined to ask him out for a drink when i returned (so this isn't about a male/female thing and whose role is whose), but if he is the one gone he can make the effort to let me know when he gets back ...

 

I have seen how these circumstances tend to play out many times both with friends in real life and on forums. A guy who likes a girl a lot - even if only dating a month - will be very excited to get in touch with her. If she has to ask him when he is back in town it isn't a good sign, even if he replied back to the text she just sent. I refuse to believe ANY man is so shy they can't send a text saying "i'm back in town, wanna get together for a drink"? And if he is then he needs to find a woman who can tolerate that kind of timidness because it woudln't be me!

 

He was very involved and texting frequently prior. He obviously has lost at least SOME level of interest and I would not be concerned about sending him texts when he had no gumption to even tell me he returned from a trip.

 

This has NOTHING to do with a game. This is about courtesy, and politeness and respect. If he left to go out of town it is polite and courteous to let the girl you have been going out with know when you have returned. I am not clear at all how this is perceived as a game. I don't play games either but i am all about courtesy.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I am not saying that it will or won't work out...I guess I believe that BOTH sides need to show interest and initiative and it shouldn't just be left up to the man especially if he has been showing tons of initiative all the way along. Sometimes the woman does have to give a little encouragement as well and not have a sense of entitlement.

[JadedStar]

But based on what i have read from her this wasn't a one sided thing with regards to communication. Sounds like she did her share of reaching out as well but was honestly concerned why he woudln't text her or call her to let her know he was back in town, and I share her concern because if he were still enamored with her that would be a natural next step. I don't get the feeling that she has always sat around and waited for him to be the initiator, this is just one of those times where I think it is courtesy for him to have reached out first since he is the one who left town.

 

I do understand the point you are trying to make, I just disagree that in this instance it was the appropriate thing for her to have to find out when he returned because a courteous person would let the person know he (or if a girl, she) was dating that he was back in town.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

CAD, your last words ring totally true! RELAX and BE MYSELF. Kinda hard to do in the intial stages when we are still getting to know one another, and everyone has their "best face" on. I have to admit, I'm still a bit guarded, and i think that it's warranted in a way. If I wasn't I would be texting/calling him all the time.

 

I don't believe in "rules", but I still believe you kind of still have to "play the game" so to speak. E.g. A man still enjoys the pursuit of getting the woman.

 

It's still frustrating for me a bit, since we haven't even had the DTR convo, and I want to bring it up, but my gut (and other girlfriends) tell me that the man should initiate that conversation, and again I don't want to seem to pushy/needy.

 

What is DTR? Is that about making the relationship official? I agree that you need to hold off on that and get a better sense of what is going on. It is still too early.

[annie24]

"defining the relationship" ?????

[lilred]

Yes, DTR= defining the relationship

 

Thanks so much for all of your input, I agree w/ jadedstar and CAD. I DO agree that if he was REALLY into me, he would probably call me asap, or text me while out of town. But then I agree w/ CAD, that we have kinda sorta established a semi-relationship where he used to call me 100% of the time, and now I feel comfortable initating 20%.

 

In an ideal world, i would really like to be "pursued" and have him do all the work, but I feel like after over 1 month of calls and several dates later there is somewhat of a rapport built here.

 

Well who knows, if he was not interested, it wouldn't matter if i texted him 1st when he back from his trip. I don't believe it's a dealbreaker, but I have to admit I was a bit disappointed that he didn't try to contact me 1st.

 

Maybe his interest is fading, or maybe i was just overreacting.

 

Oh well, i guess time will tell on this one....this site is wonderful for all the insite and lets me act "crazy" and melodramatic without having to do it in real life.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Really only time will tell if his interest is fading or not. Who knows what went on during his business trip and how tired he was. You can't base an assessment on this one business trip...you have to wait and see how things go along. Sometimes you just have to cut someone some slack and allow for a slight pull away for whatever reason.

[annie24]

Really only time will tell if his interest is fading or not. Who knows what went on during his business trip and how tired he was. You can't base an assessment on this one business trip...you have to wait and see how things go along. Sometimes you just have to cut someone some slack and allow for a slight pull away for whatever reason.

 

yes, i agree, time will tell. one text message won't make a lot of difference either way. if he likes you, he likes you, if he doesn't, he doesn't. i'd give him some space, let him unpack, catch up on errands, etc..... hopefully you will be hearing from him soon!!!