JustBeachy Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I have major issues with this, but let me explain why. First off, I love sex and I'm a huge hornball. I'm in medical sales and I work for a laboratory that deals mainly with OBGYNs. I work with them every day, all day. I have learned way too much about women from the waist on down. I deal with STDs, HPV, paps, pregnancy, yeast infections, etc all day long! Ever since I've learned about what could be down there, going down on a chick has pretty much grossed me out. Before I got this job, I didn't mind one bit, actually liked it. Now it's all mental and last time I did it, I actually almost puked. I gagged a lot! How do I defeat this mental block? Sex is fine, but the foreplay is flat out not there with me anymore. Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Find someone to practice overcoming it on? Tricky. I don't think it's normal first-date etiquette to ask a girl to produce a certificate proving she's clean. You must have learned about statistics as well right? Is it that common for a girl to have something gross going on down there and NOT know? Is there really a big chance you'll come face-to-face with something terrible or are you just freaked out by the possibility? Maybe, like with doctors who freak out when they have kids cos they know too well what can go wrong, you just have to work through it and see with time that the majority of encounters you have aren't going to be riddled with STD's and other worrying aspects Link to comment
NightLily Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Well first off, there is more to foreplay than just oral. Actually, the majority of foreplay I have had doesn't involve oral because unless the guy is using plastic wrap or a split condom, it can transfer STDs. I haven't had a positive test for anything but you never know. You could try massage, like an oil massage.. (glorious!!), fingering her, heavy making out, watching porn together. There are so many options besides oral. If you don't feel comfortable with it right now, I think you just shouldn't do it. I wouldn't want a guy doing that to me if he really didn't like it or was going to puke as a result. It should be mutually pleasurable. Link to comment
pinkrobot Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I agree with suzyq, it's not even enjoyable unless the guy is REALLY into the idea. If not, I couldn't care less about receving oral anyway. I've also been with guys who just aren't into giving oral. And I like oral just fine, but it's not a huge deal if a guy doesn't like to do it. Like suzyq also said, there are other things you can do. So it doesn't matter a whole lot...if you really are uncomfortable and can't find a way to overcome it, it's okay to say you just prefer not to do it. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 I have seen the stats and I have seen the reports. I've even witness girls that I know who's reports have come accross my desk. i can't say anything though. It's just like...I dunno. I'm not into it anymore because no matter who the girl is, I think of how high the risk is in a city this huge. I've done other things like fingering, massages, and such, but they always want me to go down on them. One girl that I really liked last year wouldn't date me b/c I refused to go down on her. I tried to explain my issue, but she didn't want to hear it. This is really beginning to affect my sex life! Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 it's okay to say you just prefer not to do it. but then i won't get it on my end either. lol Link to comment
NightLily Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 but then i won't get it on my end either. lol Beachy, if you feel uncomfortable because it makes you gag.. come on now, you must realize it is much more likely for a woman to gag giving a guy head (for obvious reasons). Like how there are many ways for you to please a woman without oral, she can do the same for you. I wouldn't expect it from your partner when you are uncomfortable with it yourself. If you are in a loving relationship vs. a fling, the woman is much more likely to take your needs/feelings into consideration. If she breaks up with you over that then she wasn't worth your time to begin with. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 I sound like I'm 12...but this is really bothering the hell out of me. Link to comment
Sweet Venus Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I sound like I'm 12...but this is really bothering the hell out of me. Yeah you DO sound 12. You say you work in a dr's office... so you should know what to look for if a woman isn't clean "down there". If you suspect something, say no thanks.. otherwise, what's the big deal???? If it pleases HER, you're going to get a little "head" too....ya know???? Link to comment
Cardinal Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 This is an easy one. Before you have sex with girls, talk to them about your line of work. Tell them you like to practice safe sex and see if you both could go get tested. Don't make it just about oral. Remember, you are the expert and certainly would be able to figure out what tests needed to be run. Couples do it all the time. Reasonable for everyone involved and you wouldn't have to go into your phobia. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Oh man, this reminds me of an episode of Frasier. LOL. Lame I know. Basically though it was one of the female characters finding out a guy she liked was an OBGYN and after overcoming the jeebies of dating him, during the "date" she finds out way more information than she ever wanted to know about downtown. So she couldn't do it. lol. Well I think first you find the right woman, or one that seems right!, and it'd be hard to imagine that person not having some creative ideas to help you overcome it. It could be fun times with the right person. You have the willing attitude and that would go the distance with a lot of people. The real problem would be - not wanting to even try. When you think about it one way - all sex could be considered gross. It's all in the mind; sex that is. The mechanics of the body broken down to what it really is : fat, skin, blood, bone, veins, not exactly the prettiest thing. So you just have to practice learning new associations again. You could do that with someone who you trust and who trusts you and it could be an adventure and a game. Do I dare to eat a peach? lol. I don't think this is something to worry over. I hope you aren't offended that I find it even somewhat of a lighthearted topic. I think it does depend on how much people want to put weight in it or not; it doesn't have to be dealbreaker by any means. Link to comment
JustBeachy Posted April 4, 2009 Author Share Posted April 4, 2009 I know which episode you're talking about. lol Thanks for the tips. I really appreciate it. Everyone has made great sense here and I will def try to get it out of my head that it's gross! Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Perhaps you could actually also see a gynecologist? See a gyn as a shrink that is? As in, ask a male doctor who deals with the netheregions all day long how HE overcomes the clinical aspect so he doesn't "take it home with him" to his wife. Since you're in the medical field already, I'd think it wouldn't be too hard to set up a friendly colleagial "chat". Link to comment
1MoreChance Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 Use a female condom if you give oral to anything else than a tested, stable partner. I know I cannot go down on a guy unless he has a condom on, unless he is my serious commited partner. When I was yonger I could pick and choose and do it / have it done to me (oral) without condoms on, but at this point in my life, I wouldn't even do it. I guess I'm wiser now lol. I find it funny how someone mentionned thta "you should know what to look for, to see if the woman is clean "down there""... can you really see it? I mean, when a person has an STD, there are not always obvious signs... I know intelligent and educated people who have caught herpes because they didn't use protection with "clean", asymptomatic partners. Now they are stuck with it for life. I can't imagine having to live with herpes. anyway that's how I see things Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted April 4, 2009 Share Posted April 4, 2009 I know which episode you're talking about. lol Thanks for the tips. I really appreciate it. Everyone has made great sense here and I will def try to get it out of my head that it's gross! Cool beans. And what a relief to find out I'm not the only one who has watched Frasier and enjoyed it. lol. I've gotten ribbed about liking that show more than once. Link to comment
mr_iwi Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You shouldn't ever go down on a chick. They can't express consent, and paedobestiality is wrong. Link to comment
HouseKitten Posted April 7, 2009 Share Posted April 7, 2009 You shouldn't ever go down on a chick. They can't express consent, and paedobestiality is wrong. Well, I just learnt a new word Link to comment
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