THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[1guygirl]

Day 25 NC

 

spent yesterday having a spiritual day with friends...2 weeks ago it was jus everything reminded me of HIM being there WITH ME... not so much this time

 

it was OK, and i was relieved

 

we had a meditation and worked on our issues (shadow work) and will be doing this for a good few months, to work on abandonment/insecurity/jealousy etc etc stuff. it works on the principle we are taught to surpress our more negative traits of being human, instead of just ACCEPTING them, and dealing with them...so...say you were constantly told as a kid not to tell lies, even white lies, you go all out to never lie (but invaribly do) and that creates a negative within yourself and about yourself, and you try to surpress it/deny it. So, the universe hands you life lessons in the form of pathological liars until you just accept to yourself "yes i lie". once you do this with conviction, you dont need to learn that about yourself and so the liars stop showing up in their droves, and you can spot them a mile off if they do and avoid em like the plague.

 

it does work because last time i covered some stuff with my ex ex, asked his 'higher self' what his deal was (he told me i had to accept my strength and not back down in the custody battle etc etc blah blah) and even though hes been ringing me on witheld and putting phone straight down, im like hey whatever and not fussed or angry. This week, I tackled ex, and feel a lil better, as he had lessons i had to learn from him too. My issues aint sorted out just yet but i am working on them, so i dont feel so "stuck" which has been frustrating the hell outta me...spesh when ex gets a new job like that that takes him on an amazing journey

 

anyways, 5 days til complete challenge and cant believe its gone so fast, even though around the day 5 and 10 day and third week were toughest

 

 

oh and edit: I jus found out that mystery valentines card WASNT from the ex wonder he kept mentioning me having another BF etc etc. All good, let him know someones snapping at his heels. Still im not acting upon it now i know who sent it...would be a waste of time *and yes i do know that cos hes a knob*

[inactivecash]

Day 3

 

I took Loxxt advice and blocked her from facebook. I did not send a message to say why.

 

I feel better, got my apetite back and sort of accepting the fact that it's over even though perhaps it isn't, but the wondering what's going to happen is too painful.

 

I'm trying to get on with my life now, I know it's only day 3 but it feels like months.

 

The truth of the matter is, she has me under her thumb, right where she wants me but I can't let my life or heart be played like a game anymore, it's too painful.

 

I'm now considering other options such as dating even though I don't really feel like it.

[1guygirl]

Day 3

 

I took Loxxt advice and blocked her from facebook. I did not send a message to say why.

 

I feel better, got my apetite back and sort of accepting the fact that it's over even though perhaps it isn't, but the wondering what's going to happen is too painful.

 

I'm trying to get on with my life now, I know it's only day 3 but it feels like months.

 

The truth of the matter is, she has me under her thumb, right where she wants me but I can't let my life or heart be played like a game anymore, it's too painful.

 

I'm now considering other options such as dating even though I don't really feel like it.

 

if you dont feel like dating DONT

 

and besides, i would hate to have been some guys 'fill in' for him to get over ex...why possibly hurt and use some other girl?

 

i think alot is learnt from jus dealing with breakups and taking time out alone...yes dates are good for the ego, but at what cost? not to you but to the others ego...and well...would you like it done to you? ...we should all ask ourselves that question when faced with a possible date and see where we are at. *dont worry i have a guy trapsing me and im being mindful myself*

[inactivecash]

if you dont feel like dating DONT

 

and besides, i would hate to have been some guys 'fill in' for him to get over ex...why possibly hurt and use some other girl?

 

i think alot is learnt from jus dealing with breakups and taking time out alone...yes dates are good for the ego, but at what cost? not to you but to the others ego...and well...would you like it done to you? ...we should all ask ourselves that question when faced with a possible date and see where we are at. *dont worry i have a guy trapsing me and im being mindful myself*

 

I haven't got any dates lined up, it's just the thought of doing it is there you know?

 

I love me ex and really do hope she comes back to me I just can't see it happening.

[1guygirl]

I haven't got any dates lined up, it's just the thought of doing it is there you know?

 

I love me ex and really do hope she comes back to me I just can't see it happening.

 

youve been on a break for how long? few days...and the thought to date others is there already?

[TSandullo]

Day 14 - Feeling okay

 

I'm feeling okay today. Not great, not bad. Slap in the middle.

I'm getting on with my work and that is good.

 

She wasn't in the lecture today, I guess she has lab work. So it was kind of cool not seeing her though I miss her still.

 

I got an FB invite to an event we are hosting for our club and it is all good. It is crazy, a month ago, I used to check her fb daily to feel the pain until I feel it no more. Today, loggin on fb, I didn't feel the urge to see her profile. I guess that is a good thing. I am developing more control over myself and my emotions.

 

My mom's bday soon so off to get her a prezz.

 

TS

[maddy001]

day 3...it sucks...but i have to do it..the man is stubborn so its gonna be a while.....probably the actual 30 days or more...so, if they contact us in this time period, we cant respond at all right? What about after the 30?

[bitebenot]

day 3...it sucks...but i have to do it..the man is stubborn so its gonna be a while.....probably the actual 30 days or more...so, if they contact us in this time period, we cant respond at all right? What about after the 30?

 

You dont answer until he begs you. Ignore him until he ask for reconcialition. Make him earn it if he does. How long it will take is a good question. Maybe soon or nerver. You know him better. NC is whitout limits of time.

[NsKrewtable]

.....So, she called again, I would have ignored it had I known it was her. But my mom didn't tell me who it was and I figured it was school or work or the marines Or something...the last voice I expected was hers. Feel like I was sucker punched into talking to her. Of course it wasn't anything worth answering, something along the lines of where did I put that one thing. Now I gotta tell my family to ignore her as well, or else she'll keep calling every few days getting whatever she's getting out of hearing my voice. What's so hard about "Don't contact me."? I mean I'm really not that put back healing wise, but I'm back to day 1 and we've been broken up for over two weeks now. Can I make it anymore clear to her to not contact me if something like this happens again? I mean it shouldn't if everyone would stop answering her calls, but who knows how well that will end up working out.

[TSandullo]

Which tight red shirt is better?

 

link removed

 

or

 

link removed

 

BTW, all this does have relevance to this thread...

 

TS

[WhatSetsUs]

We've been broken up for about 6 weeks now so I mean its been a while. See in my situation I dont believe that my ex has found anyone else. And if I know her as well as I think I do, I know that she isnt even interested in finding anyone right now or even in random hooking up. Im sure she is just doing what Im doing, which is just figuring out what life is like to be alone. I mean we were together for 3 years so I am understanding of the time that both her and I need to figure out things alone. I mean Im definitely gonna keep NC up for at least a little while longer, but I guess at some point I would like to make an attempt to open things up again. Even after all this time I still want her back more than anything else.

[NsKrewtable]

Which tight red shirt is better?

 

link removed

 

or

 

link removed

 

BTW, all this does have relevance to this thread...

 

TS

 

First one definitely.....second one I wouldn't even call red, plus idk why there'd be buttons on a v-neck...

[WhatSetsUs]

You dont think its a little late for something like this? Like I wouldnt want to close everything off between us but wouldnt something like this validate her decision to completely move on, since she would think i've moved on? I just want to find a way to make her comfortable reaching out to me again...any thoughts on what I should do?

[bitebenot]

Which tight red shirt is better?

 

link removed

 

or

 

link removed

 

BTW, all this does have relevance to this thread...

 

TS

 

First one looks very good, its my choice.

[LLammas]

Day 2

 

I've been struggling all day. Many of our acquaintances don't know of the break up yet, and I was asked how he was doing today. I fought back tears and explained that we aren't together any more, and I'm not really sure what happened, but thanks for asking.

 

I heard his favorite song on the radio. I wish I were at the point I could disassociate him with all the music we listened to together.

 

It seems like I have too much time on my hands. It's time to find myself something to fill that time and work on all that "self love" that SuperDave talks about.

[bitebenot]

You dont think its a little late for something like this? Like I wouldnt want to close everything off between us but wouldnt something like this validate her decision to completely move on, since she would think i've moved on? I just want to find a way to make her comfortable reaching out to me again...any thoughts on what I should do?

 

Hey, she knows that you are waiting for her ! Who risk nothing gets nothing ! What do you mean she might completely move on ? She did already ! Make her confortable you say ? / what ? .... the contrary maybe makes sense ! You cant afford to make her feel contented ! I stick to my opinion, you got nothing to lose. She knows you are on the back burner...how sweet it is for her. Giving your best shot is the way to go...might not work but im sure you have no other alternative. Again ,you know that not to many ex's do come back ! If she agrees at least you will finally know that its really over and you will get your life back. Dont be scared to lose her because you did. The break-up is from early december..thats over 3 months.

[WhatSetsUs]

Hey, she knows that you are waiting for her ! Who risk nothing gets nothing ! What do you mean she might completely move on ? She did already ! Make her confortable you say ? / what ? .... the contrary maybe makes sense ! You cant afford to make her feel contented ! I stick to my opinion, you got nothing to lose. She knows you are on the back burner...how sweet it is for her. Giving your best shot is the way to go...might not work but im sure you have no other alternative. Again ,you know that not to many ex's do come back ! If she agrees at least you will finally know that its really over and you will get your life back. Dont be scared to lose her because you did. The break-up is from early december..thats over 3 months.

 

We broke up on Feb. 1st, so not yet two months haha. And Im not sure if she still thinks Im waiting on her anymore at this point, I mean I tried one time to get her back since we've been broken up, and since then I've been in strict NC. So thats why I think a subtle reopening of contact would be good? Since the emotions have settled and we've both moved forward from the relationship, it would be like starting over... I dont know, this whole situation sucks haha.

[bitebenot]

We broke up on Feb. 1st, so not yet two months haha. And Im not sure if she still thinks Im waiting on her anymore at this point, I mean I tried one time to get her back since we've been broken up, and since then I've been in strict NC. So thats why I think a subtle reopening of contact would be good? Since the emotions have settled and we've both moved forward from the relationship, it would be like starting over... I dont know, this whole situation sucks haha.

 

Well give it a shot and you will see ! Just be ready...it wont be cute !

If she feels wanted by you she wont budge. If she feels rejected she might.

Time to play poker. God luck on your decision. I read your thread,on january 10 u said she left you a month and a day before. You also said you almost got her back...sorry but im confused. How long are you willing to fight for her ?

[Loxxt]

So... Here's a little hope I guess for some of you thinking NC does nothing. In my case I'm so torn. I know my ex was lazy and unappreciative but I do miss him and want things to be better. I don't want or deserve to be the fallback. I get very mad sometimes and I'm usually 50-100% sure I'll never take him back, depending on the day.

 

Anyways, here's events from the past week that I just found out about today (MAJOR DRAMA WARNING!!):

 

My ex wrote a friend last week for "life advice". Met up with this mutual friend last night and he told me the ex wants him to help him be my friend. He said he wants this relationship with the new girl to work but he thinks that when he comes back from training in the army that it won't work out so he wants me as a backup. (He still thinks I'm waiting and will take him back if he choses to come back). The friend told me this because he said he wanted my permission to tell him that's never going to happen and to never contact me again. I agreed with the first part. Like I said the ex sent this message a week ago and the friend hasn't answered yet, although he probably will soon now that he knows what to write.

 

Heard yesterday from a reliable source that she is freaking out that he's leaving and pissing him off.

 

Today that friend's brother I mentioned above contacted me saying I'll never guess who called him two days ago. The ex, of course. He said he was in a really bad mood. Said he wasn't happy at all. When I asked with what he said his gf, job, life, everything. He told the friend that he was about to go back inside and break up with his gf. My friend (knowing my ex thinks he can just come back) defended me saying that he's a douche and f*cked up and needs to get his life sorted out and to forget about me cuz that's not gonna happen.

 

God knows I do want him back but I know I'm saying this because I miss him, parts of what we had.

 

I don't miss him NOT being a true caring partner, responsible, helpful, selfless, driven, independently working to make himself happy (I always felt responsible for how he felt), appreciative. He does need to grow up. All that plus him basically cheating on me is what's holding me back. If he was all those things I listed and had just left me to be alone I could take him back a lot easier. But if I do know people will look at me wondering why I'm doing it and I think so will I... at this point anyways.

 

I guess I'm looking for advice, for once instead of confidently dishing it out. If he's really willing to give it A LOT (months, at least) of time and work on himself and work to earn my trust back, do you think I should give him a shot?

 

I by no means intend ^ to look like I'm waiting for him. I'd still keep doing what I'm doing and even go out with other guys. But I'm very hesitant to even give him a smidgen of a chance.

[Loxxt]

I know it's easy to flip flop and worry if they'll come back or continue to walk away. In your case I firmly believe she's not gone forever. If she was she'd be gone and you wouldn't hear anything and she wouldn't be using mutual friends to find out about you. I have a feeling that my ex is using his mom to find things out about me/make sure I'm okay. We wrote on fb back and forth a few time and in my last message I mentioned to please not tell her son (the ex) anything about me because of our last conversation I've cut him out of my life completely. Then I continued with our little chat. Only talked about how I was running, how work is, my pets, weather... That little bit about me asking her not to talk to him was because, like you, I had a feeling she's reporting back to him. Anyways, she has yet to answer that last message. I have a feeling that's exactly what she was doing. If you want, feed a little white lie to that friend and only that friend to see if he'll tell her and also mention to please not tell her because you'd prefer it if she wasn't in the loop about you. Say something crazy like you're in the middle of negotiating a price for a motorcycle real cheap and are getting a new engine for it. Something outlandish that will definitely pique her interests but only tell that one guy. That way you'll know if she'd using him to keep tabs on you. Keep in mind though that having never been in this situation, some friends just naturally gossip. This friend may not realize they're inadvertently being used as a spy; that's why I'd definitely feed them this random white lie and be sure to ask them not to tell her because of the reason I gave above. If they're a true friend they'll oblige, if they tell they're most likely a "spy" or just don't think much of honoring your request. In which case I'd be careful what I say to them from now on... Although these types of people are unreliable they do have their uses. I fed a lie to a friend like this to test my theory. I said I was seeing someone. To this day, I have no idea whether my ex found out, but I have little doubt she mentioned it people in his circle.

 

If you do choose to test your friend I'd use a little lie like I suggested. That way when/if she finds out or if people ask you can just say the deal fell through, that way you're protected so it doesn't seem like a lie.

[Loxxt]

Anon, your post was touching. Glad it helped, it's all I hoped would come of it.

[inactivecash]

Day 5

 

I took loxxt advice and blocked her of facebook. I think it has made things worse...

 

A friend told me she's posted on her friends wall: "What a surprise, he's deleted me again"

 

This obviously has angered her. I can't contact her obviously so what do I do about this?

[Loxxt]

Day 5

 

I took loxxt advice and blocked her of facebook. I think it has made things worse...

 

A friend told me she's posted on her friends wall: "What a surprise, he's deleted me again"

 

This obviously has angered her. I can't contact her obviously so what do I do about this?

 

Think about this... why do people complain? Because things bother them. If she really didn't care it wouldn't have bothered her one bit. If those were her exact words it also tells me she thinks you're being flaky and that you'll just add her back later on. I'd let her stew for awhile and realize that this is for real.

[TSandullo]

Day 5

 

I took loxxt advice and blocked her of facebook. I think it has made things worse...

 

A friend told me she's posted on her friends wall: "What a surprise, he's deleted me again"

 

This obviously has angered her. I can't contact her obviously so what do I do about this?

 

What you do about this? You get on with your life.

She could have posted a million things on her friend's wall:

1)Nooo! I miss him!

2)Yay! 1 fb 'friend' less...!

3) Erm, hun, I am one friend less on fb...can't point out who though...

and a million others...

 

So what if you anger her? You have every right to do whatever you like on fb. If platonic is not what you want, why keep up the falsity?

 

And about her anger, if it is truly so, then I guess that is good. If u wanna reconcile then indifference is the beast you wanna avoid.

 

Remember:

What she did: Broke up with you

What you did: Removed her from FB

 

Now who do you think should really be angry...

 

Don't read into this and get on with you life.

 

TS

[TSandullo]

Oh! Guys, thank you all for the feedback on the red shirt business.

 

hope you all are well.

 

TS