THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE, Part 2

[icyness]

Day 2..as after at least 3 weeks of not emailing/calling/texting him, I sent a short but foolish email on Sunday.

I'm never going to stop loving him in this manner.. I just know it.

[frangimond]

does anyone have a success story? please we need some good news! i mean us day 2's and 3's are just stumbling all over the place.....tell me someone has a success story from NC!?!!?

 

best quote ever: if you are trying to move forward but you keep looking back you will trip over.....

[icyness]

Are you speaking success in terms of getting an ex back after NC or moving on and healing?

Because most people will probably tell you the usual "NC is for you to heal, not get your ex back." etc.

[frangimond]

yes i mean sucess in terms of moving one!

[icyness]

There are lots of people who will tell you they were feeling the same way you are now and that NC helped them to heal and move on. You can probably search the threads.

[lotus26]

Broke no contact after 6 days. he text me asking how i was and asking me to meet him for a coffee next week. dont know what to do if i see him i will just be right back at the start, i really want him back, I am so confused.

[allgood]

Broke no contact after 6 days. he text me asking how i was and asking me to meet him for a coffee next week. dont know what to do if i see him i will just be right back at the start, i really want him back, I am so confused.

 

i did NC for 1.3 months broke it to end the relationship on a good note and forgiving her..but asked not to reply..only her address so i could return her things...NC is a must if you wanna move on. Ive been broken up for 2.3months today and NC and forgiveness, exercise, soul searching, keeping myself busy, hangingout with friends and doing things youve always wanted is helping me heal in leaps and bounds.

the first week is the worst, get past it with NC and it will get better. and if u do break the no contact rule get back to it again and get your friends/family to support you. think positive people youll all be okay.

 

 

post in healing after breaking up and divorce.

[BlueRizla]

Feeling surprisingly ok. Just waiting for it all bite me on the ass again. I've been here before.

 

So far today I'm mostly thinking about what I have actually achieved to make amends for the issues I brought to this relationship. It was never about treating her badly or any arguments. I loved her with all my heart. There were just things I needed to do for myself before I could fully participate in being with someone again. I didn't see them until I was back in this position after a 2 year sabbatical from relationships. I do wonder why I didn't deal with this stuff then but I guess life works out that way sometimes and you need to be in there to feel what you need to so fundamental shifts can take place. Today I feel a vaguely bitter my courage and ability to move forward haven't really been acknowledged. Maybe that tells me all I need to know. I'm definitely letting her go, though I saw a good card today in a local shop and I bought it. Y'know.. just in case lol. Though I wonder who will eventually get it. Will it be her? Really depends if she ever takes a good look inside herself. This really is her loss as well as mine.

[Lavender25]

Day... shoot. I don't know anymore. Almost 7 or 8 weeks? Heh.

 

Had to cut my losses again last night. A "friend" of mine that I met at work about 2 years ago decided that she wanted to hang out with my ex and his friends AND me. Hell no. I thought it was disrespectful and there is a certain loyalty issue going on here since she met my ex through me and hardly even knows any of them. But apparently they are "fun" and she wants to live a "stress free life and have fun." Alright. But when the fun is over, I'm not going to be here to catch you. Just like I'm not here to catch him.

 

My ex and I haven't spoken in almost 2 months. That hurts enough in itself but now I have to deal with all of this side drama? Why are these people still living in high school? He has started hanging out with a group of people that are NOT GOOD PEOPLE. But this is his lesson to learn.

[coolchick64]

Day 18

 

Going pretty much the same way as yesterday. Started off okay, then sudden uncontrollable fits of crying. I'm afraid to leave my house! I never thought I'd be set back so much at this point in the process. Maybe I'm just hormonal . . . Actually, it feels like the reality is just settling in at a deeper level. Plus, the prospect of seeing him in a week is weighing on my mind. If I break down in front of him, I'll never forgive myself.

 

Frangimond, those first few days are the toughest because you're unlearning the habits of being in contact. It does get better. Even though a lot of us on here are still struggling, it's better for me now than it was when I was at 2 days. I've seen lots of posts from people who say the 3 month mark is a real turning point. If 30 days seems like an unattainable goal right now, see if you can just make it 7 days. Promise yourself you won't do anything until then, and see how you feel at that point.

[frangimond]

My thoughts are with you coolchick. How come you have to see him in a week?

 

I texted my ex. I needed to sort out the joint bank account stuff which she has not done yet. (I am in a diff country so its up to her). I need my half of the money so sent her a message. It counts as NC and I will have to respond when she sorts it out so I guess I am back on day one.

 

The good good good news is she is going to India on the weekend. So no texts and I have stopped emails anyway. So this will get a lot easier very soon. I have heaps of work travel so will be kept busy. So hopefully I will get through all of September with NC! woo woo!

 

Hey been reading a lot of stuff on codependency.....ringing bells....red flags all over the place.....anyone else?

 

thanks again cool chick!

[frangimond]

well.....thats it. i am officially the worst at the NC challenger. I have failed again. i started a text chat this morning about logistics and then sent two emails about nothing. then another text. what the hell is wrong with me....dammit dammit dammit dammit......

i think i may end this challenge as i have just failed so miserably!

[coolchick64]

well.....thats it. i am officially the worst at the NC challenger. I have failed again. i started a text chat this morning about logistics and then sent two emails about nothing. then another text. what the hell is wrong with me....dammit dammit dammit dammit......

i think i may end this challenge as i have just failed so miserably!

 

no, no . . . stick with us, Hon!

 

What happened, then? Did she respond?

[JonasWaingaro]

well.....thats it. i am officially the worst at the NC challenger. I have failed again. i started a text chat this morning about logistics and then sent two emails about nothing. then another text. what the hell is wrong with me....dammit dammit dammit dammit......

i think i may end this challenge as i have just failed so miserably!

 

Yeah don't be hard on yourself. I've been on and off for 2 months. It happens. On bad days, it takes everything not to do something. Those would be everyday, btw. ](*,) If you think NC is the way to go then just keep pushing on. Set little goals, 1week, 2weeks, 3days. When you fall off, most do, then smack your head and try again. Unless contact works!

 

Oh and I'm day...hmm, 14 maybe. I guess I have the 2-3month blues. Been really hard this week, and last weekend. I feel sooo lonely at times. Had a devastating nightmare last night. Didn't sleep after that one. Hello my old friend 4am.

[frangimond]

link removed

 

I know that 4am friend oh so well......i never thought i could survive on four hours sleep but i am proof that i can!

 

i think contact might be the way forward for me. i just cant see myself banishing my partner......more time to think and her trip to india is gonna be a clincher!

 

oh and cool chick - yes she responded! very well - we've been texting all morning! yikes.....

 

 

Yeah don't be hard on yourself. I've been on and off for 2 months. It happens. On bad days, it takes everything not to do something. Those would be everyday, btw. ](*,) If you think NC is the way to go then just keep pushing on. Set little goals, 1week, 2weeks, 3days. When you fall off, most do, then smack your head and try again. Unless contact works!

 

Oh and I'm day...hmm, 14 maybe. I guess I have the 2-3month blues. Been really hard this week, and last weekend. I feel sooo lonely at times. Had a devastating nightmare last night. Didn't sleep after that one. Hello my old friend 4am.

[bravebird]

link removed

 

 

 

i think contact might be the way forward for me.

 

 

i've been thinking the same. what do you think you'll do?

[frangimond]

already done. massive text chat all day.

 

and emails.

 

some of it was necessary - closing joint accounts, credit card bills etc.

 

btu its also been very healing. very nice to just talk about stuff.

 

i wouldnt recommend it for every situ but we broke up over the phone and over email so we never got closure. i doubt we will unless we speak face to face at some point. till then this new weird friendship is cool.

 

tough though and doesnt get rid of pinning......

 

i've been thinking the same. what do you think you'll do?

[ackerman]

day 40 something no matter what i do to try take my mind off things, it always comes back to thinking about her. all i want to know and i know i say this all the time but all i want to know is that she misses me.. i cant help but think shes relieved to get away from me. i cant help but wonder how many guys are chatting her up on a night out, she is so gorgeous. i dont even use my phone anymore, she was everything to me. the only good thing i've done is kept off the profiles, i dread to look at hers because i know i'd see something i dont want to see and it will just remind me of her gorgeous face with the possibly of new even hotter photos. why couldn't everything of just gone right, i was such a confident guy before this all happened. i just cant let go and get over it, its hard

[mellow]

4 days since I said good bye to him, it's getting easier. still missing him sometimes, but what can I do?

[Lavender25]

7 weeks NC today.

 

No anxiety this morning. That's a change.

 

I still think about him and miss him, but not as much as before. I'm just thankful that I don't feel that constant pressure in my chest anymore.

[confusedandsad]

It has been 17 days since my ex broke up with me. and 10 days since he last contacted me.

 

I wish he would come back and want to make this work...

[eikal]

day 1, i feel like * * * * and i want to die.

[coolchick64]

Day 19

 

Yes, it's been 19 days NC, 7 weeks since our split. Oh, and 5 weeks since Black Wednesday, when I saw him with my replacement.

 

Today has been better than the past several days. Just a blah day. No crying, though.

 

I've been thinking about how it's such a huge betrayal when someone leaves a committed relationship, especially without clear issues that can't be resolved (i.e., for no apparent reason). When you're in love with someone, can they do anything worse than abandon you? Really, how can you ever get past that and reconcile?

[Singler]

its been a month since he broke up with me and 2 days NC.....

[coolchick64]

I was just pinged by my ex! First contact since I ignored his last email, 19 days ago. I almost had a heart attack when I saw his name. All it said was that he hoped all was well and that I was having a good start of the academic year. Hm. Obviously there's no reason to respond, esp. since I'll probably see him next week anyway, but nice to know he's thinking about me. It restores my faith in humanity---at least his humanity---at least a little bit. : )