What to do when they reach back?

[Grant218]

I'm trying desperately to maintain NC because it's been very effective thus far, but after a few days she called me on a different number because she knows I won't answer her calls. She asked me if we could practice together since I told her, when I was going through a desperate begging phase trying to get her back, that we could play together at some open mic nights knowing how much she always wanted to do it. I just acted indifferent and told her I would let her know when I get some free time (with no intention of having any contact with her whatsoever while she's with the new guy). She's already tried the "i don't want to lose you as a friend" crap to attempt to guilt me into keeping in contact and I know that she only reaches out to me when she's not getting attention from anyone else and to see if she still has control of me. That's why I've realized how important NC is.

 

The last contact i've made to her was an email I sent a few days ago basically saying that if we did get back together I could see us looking at long term goals like marriage and a family but right now I think the situation is good because having another boyfriend will either show you that there is someone else for you, or end up bringing us back together for good. Then to put a little pressure I ended the email with something like "if we do get back together it was meant to be, but I can't prevent myself from experiencing what's out there either." The whole thing was very carefully worded to sound like I'm happy with the way things are and optimistic for the future.

 

She didn't respond and I haven't heard from her in a few days. I do get bummed out every once in awhile thinking about her but I'm glad I said the things I did in the email to make her start thinking about what I'm doing or who I'm with while we're in NC.

 

So how should I react when she slips through the crack and contacts me? A part of me loves it but i also want to say "What makes you think you can call me anytime and expect me to drop what I'm doing for you like we're still together? You have a new boyfriend now" I want to send that message, just indirectly and without sounding mean.

[fiona77]

Hi Grant, I understand wanting to look like you've moved on with your life, but feeling too vulnerable to be around someone or talk to them. I think the best thing for you to do right now is nothing. Give yourself as much time as you need to think about what you think your next action should be. If she truly cares for you (the fact that she has another boyfriend makes me question her intentions) then she will wait as long as it takes for you to make up your mind. You need to decide what is right for you. What are you willing to put up with and how do you want to think of yourself? Try not to worry about what she thinks of you. Take some time to worry about yourself and what you need. Do not do something you will regret or lose respect for yourself for to placate her or feed her ego.