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About Grant218

  • Birthday 02/18/1985

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  1. No, Stick with no contact. The best thing to do right now is to do anything you can to put her out of your mind; as difficult as that may be. That doesn't mean you will never get back together in the future. Who knows what could happen with the new boyfriend. But don't dwell on any of that. Just work on yourself so that if something happens to where she wants you back, she'll see a new and improved person. I know you love her and would do anything to have her back right now but as long as she is with someone else she doesn't deserve your contact. It's not about being angry or vengeful; she's made a choice and she can't know that you're just sitting on the sidelines waiting for her. Stay strong, get yourself together, and time will heal you. Also, avoid anything that may remind you of her such as old pictures, music, movies, etc. It's not about trying to completely erase her from your memory but those things only pour salt on an open wound.
  2. I think talking to her on a regular basis isn't necessarily a bad thing considering ya'll are long distance at the moment. One suggestion might be to not talk to her as frequently, especially a few weeks before you move to her city. That may make her miss you a bit and then BAM! all of the sudden your close by and if she wants to meet up for a casual date she knows you're there. So I would take this time to continue improving yourself both mentally and physically so that if/when you do meet up again she'll she the "new and improved" you. And after you're there and have talked to her and possibly even met up a few times, then you can start backing away and she what happens. Don't just go full on NC out of the blue, but every once in awhile maybe find yourself "unavailable" when she calls. I'm not trying to devise some master scheme to make her come begging back but if you are too eager/available, you just become a safety net for your ex which doesn't put you in a good place for getting back together. By slowly backing away she'll realize what she's missing out on. But I wouldn't change much of what you're doing until you've moved over there. Bottom line, try not to talk as frequently but when you do make sure its fun and upbeat. Then who knows what could happen when you've moved to her town. Best of luck mate!
  3. Yeah, giving the items to a mutual friend would be a good, safe move. As far as reconciling with her, you have to prove to her that you're doing everything in your power to fix any negative traits you may have. Because you know her friends are all probably going to tell her it's not a good idea to be with someone who has anger issues. So the fact that you're in counseling is great, not only for the sake of this relationship, but for YOU in general. Another option I could throw out would be to wait a little while until the time is right and use her stuff as a means to contact her. Then, while ya'll are talking and she asks "so, how've you been" you could honestly tell her that things are going well and you're in counseling, working on becoming a better person, etc. That shows her you're willing to step up and work to keep the relationship. Then, once you've planted that seed, you can step back and let her think about it and you'll look alot better in her eyes for working out your issues.
  4. I understand that ya'll may have talked about working things out after the break, but you weren't together at the time he went on the date, and maybe he just thought it wasn't going to work out with you so he did what anyone in that situation would do -- he started to move on. You certainly shouldn't be pissed about it seeing as it's not cheating if ya'll are not together, and it also doesn't mean he would be unfaithful to you if you were together. So, if you want him back you have to start talking to him again and let him know how you feel. That is, without seeming overly eager or desperate. (There are some good tips in various posts on this forum that can help with how to behave when trying to talk to an ex.) Otherwise he's just going to assume that you only want him back because he's talking to other girls and continue moving in that direction. It's still very early in the game so now is the time to reopen communications if you want to reconcile. It may also be wise to reconsider how you feel and why you went NC. It's possible that what you're feeling is just jealousy and a bit of rejection from him dating another girl. Not that I'm suggesting you don't really have feelings for him but just something to think about.
  5. You forgot psycho and vindictive... But you're right. Something to think about. "Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person.”
  6. Yeah, I'm sticking to NC until she puts her money where her mouth is and breaks it off with mr. rebound. Thanks for your advice Rob!
  7. You both make excellent points. I do want her back though, which is why I was thinking about saying something like "if you want to work on us getting back together i'm willing to talk but don't say that you're confused or 'i'm the one' while you're dating someone else." Just to send the message that "i'm willing but you have to break it off with rebound guy first" But I can certainly continue with NC. Bottom line is I do want her back.
  8. A little update on my current situation... NC was going great and I was feeling better with each new day. Then yesterday I get a couple of texts from my ex saying it's important and we need to talk. blah, blah I've heard that line before, so I ignore the texts. Then today I get this email: "i'm not worth it anymore to you am I? even if i told you that you were the one? i'm forced to do it in an email. f--- this, f--- life. i'm tired of games and being the bad guy. i tried. i wanted to tell you what my heart is telling me. and to do that over email because its the only choice i have makes me realize that my heart matters to nobody, not even the guy who said that he loved me, but apparently its not true." Keep in mind she is still with her rebound boyfriend. So, would responding to her email help my situation or just end up backfiring?
  9. I'm trying desperately to maintain NC because it's been very effective thus far, but after a few days she called me on a different number because she knows I won't answer her calls. She asked me if we could practice together since I told her, when I was going through a desperate begging phase trying to get her back, that we could play together at some open mic nights knowing how much she always wanted to do it. I just acted indifferent and told her I would let her know when I get some free time (with no intention of having any contact with her whatsoever while she's with the new guy). She's already tried the "i don't want to lose you as a friend" crap to attempt to guilt me into keeping in contact and I know that she only reaches out to me when she's not getting attention from anyone else and to see if she still has control of me. That's why I've realized how important NC is. The last contact i've made to her was an email I sent a few days ago basically saying that if we did get back together I could see us looking at long term goals like marriage and a family but right now I think the situation is good because having another boyfriend will either show you that there is someone else for you, or end up bringing us back together for good. Then to put a little pressure I ended the email with something like "if we do get back together it was meant to be, but I can't prevent myself from experiencing what's out there either." The whole thing was very carefully worded to sound like I'm happy with the way things are and optimistic for the future. She didn't respond and I haven't heard from her in a few days. I do get bummed out every once in awhile thinking about her but I'm glad I said the things I did in the email to make her start thinking about what I'm doing or who I'm with while we're in NC. So how should I react when she slips through the crack and contacts me? A part of me loves it but i also want to say "What makes you think you can call me anytime and expect me to drop what I'm doing for you like we're still together? You have a new boyfriend now" I want to send that message, just indirectly and without sounding mean.
  10. Great post....Some very good advice here! Before reading this I was already doing some of these things and noticing results. Especially things like being submissive and not fighting even though you know you're right. It really throws them off guard and makes them think. Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw the other day that said "Smile...it confuses people" Thanks for sharing! \\
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