Really fancy a girl, Can't ask her out! Grrrr.

[MattLCFC]

Hi, I have a really annoying problem, a problem I have always had! How to ask girls out, or getting girls to go out!

 

It's my mate missus' best mate, I have known off her for a few years but only recently have we really got to know each other - We don't know each other that much still but we chat, so are getting to know each other, anyway I think the plan has always been to "set us up" to be honest, At the end of last year she added me on Myspace, and I then added her on Facebook, I then sent her a message asking if she had MSN and fancied chatting sometime, so she added me and we are now chatting - Just friendly I haven't suggested anything (However much I have wanted to) and she hasn't.

 

My mate said to me the other day I should just ask her out, friendly not going out or anything just me and her do something, e.t.c, I replied by saying yeah I know I really want to but don't really know how! lol.

And he was saying basically his missus had been saying similar to this girl who I fancy, saying stuff about me to her, e.t.c, and apparently whenever she mentions me to this girl, the girl just laughs, shyly.

 

So I'm thinking she might be the same as me? Likes me but to not scared, but shy and not too confident of saying anything?

 

What does everyone think and how could I ask her out, get her number, e.t.c? I feel asking her out over MSN is abit tacky and we don't see each other all that often (Although I have just thought it's my mates birthday soon and she normally goes to his partys...so could make a move there maybe but that relys on ifs and buts) so i'm abit stuck that way really.

 

I think my best bet is taking to my mate's missus and seeing what she has to say about it, and see if she thinks her mate is interested, e.t.c.

 

Really I don't have much to lose I suppose, What I do fear though is, It might have affects on my mates and his missus friendship with me, and then it being awkward when we are all together.

 

I don't know, I'm confused, and everyone who has read this post is probably now confused! lol

 

I know it's a long post and alot of you probably won't even get to read this part - You will have probably got bored and stopped reading, but thanks in advance for anyone who gives me any advice.

 

Thanks!

[Raistlin]

I did read the whole post, and my first bit of advice: Breathe! You seem really worked up over this.

 

Anyhow, to get her number, reference something in context and offer up your number as a way to talk without the internet.

 

For example: You find out over MSN that she had a rough day. You spend however long on MSN cheering her up, and in the midst of that, you slip in her number and mention that she can call if she ever needs to vent. Chances are, she'll reciprocate and give you her number. If a phone convo doesn't happen then, call her the next day, just to see how her day was. If everything is still going smooth, invite her out to a coffee or something simple.

[SoMuchLove]

Just simply say that you were thinking of going out to he mall or to see a movie and ask hr if she wants to come along. It's in indirect way of getting you two together to get to know each other without it being a date. If however you want it to be a date her TELL HER. Otherwise you'll end up in the friend zone in which you'll never(possibly) have a shot(well you could, but it's gonna be like trying to climb a mountain I've been there many many times and trust me thats not the way man)

 

So make things easier. It's best to do so before she sees you as a friend. You haven't quite reached that buddy buddy level so this is perfect!

 

If you want to get her number just say you like talking to her and ask for the number. Don't make it hard on yourself. This is all suppose to be FUN and EXCITING. Your nervousness is killing the experience for you. It helps to be indifferent about it and not outcome dependant.

 

If you want to keep me updated IM me and I'll be glad to help any way I can.

 

Good luck!

[dan10]

i think this is really funny that you would post this right now because i just got past the spot you are in about a week ago. i'm going to make an assumption here and gues that you are like every other guy out there, and thats why i'm going to think this stuff is true.

 

a)every time you are talking to her you want to say something and then there is that little voice in your head that says not to do it and so you dont.

b)you feel stupid every time you dont say something about it

and c)you have gone over how you would like it to go but you can never seem to start the (for lack of a better term) "i like you" conversation.

 

well i've been doing alot of research on guys and how they meet women and get together with them, and this is soooo common it isnt even funny.

 

first off, the worst possible thing that could happen is that she doesnt want to go out with you and then you just have to say "ok" and move on and forget about it. thats the worst possible thing. so no matter what happens its really not that big of a deal. you need to get that through your head. there are plenty of other girls if you get rejected. also, rejection is just a part of dating so you are going to have to face it sooner or later and its better to start now then to wait and not know how to deal with it.

 

second, that little voice that keeps telling you no when you want to tell her how you feel, it takes 3 seconds for it to start up. once that little voice says something most guys simply just cant fight it. so what you need to do is not allow it to start up. the next time you talk to her or see her, immediately when you think about it, ask her out. if you wait even a short 3 seconds then it is to late and you've already lost. getting the first line out of your mouth quickly is key.

 

after that just be relaxed and be ok if she says no. and just move on to a different subject.

 

i know that it sounds simple and feels so hard, but it really is simple. and i wouldnt have believed me a week or 2 ago but trust me on this one.

 

to use a simple analogy, it is like someone walking up to you with a deck of cards and saying, "lets play a hand of poker, if you win i give you a free car, if you loose i walk away and nothing happens" noone in their right mind is going to say no i dont want to risk loosing in a hand of poker.

 

and its the same thing here. just do it because you have nothing to loose.

 

so like nike says "just do it"

[MattLCFC]

Thanks for the advice, I still haven't spoke to her since posting this - She doesn't seem to go on MSN alot or very regular but about once or twice a week sort of thing.

 

I'm just gonna keep chatting, and wait for a chance, I am so stupid - Unbelievably thick, and very naive - All due to my shyness and lack of confidence, a few weeks ago when asking what she was doing over the weekend and she replied with - "Not much, Want to do something though"...Am I reading to much into that or was that he way of saying - Ask me to do something. (In my opinion there isn't much to read into, but at the time I did nothing about it! ARRRGGGHH!](*,))

 

When speaking to my mate about it a few weeks ago like I said apparently when his missus mentions me she laughs shyly, and apparently 'likes the chase' but I need to speak to my mates missus to confirm and see what she says about it.

 

Thanks for the help so far guys! Any more help and advice is appreciated!