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Am I being ignored or just paranoid? kind of urgent


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Hi everyone, it's been a while since I was last here but I've popped in because I urgently need some advice.

 

I met a girl not long ago and we went on our first date on Sunday. When we met she essentially made the first move by approaching me to talk and giving me her number. I'd scheduled for our first date but she couldn't make it. Later that week she messaged back and rescheduled. So we went on the first date and it seemed to go pretty well. She's a really great girl and I admire her quite a bit. She complimented me a lot and told me she likes me. We ended up at her place and although we did not sleep together things went pretty well. She also shared a lot of personal things i didn't expect on the first date, but i wasn't put off by this at all, more surprised.

 

I had to leave that evening because we both work early and told her I'd text her when I got home. Since then we've hardly said two words to each other. i've been holding myself back because i don't want to put her off and i don't exactly know what she wants. I texted her once and she answered, then yesterday evening I sent her a text to ask if she's like to go out Saturday, several hours later not a word from her.

 

She can sometimes take a while to anwser her messages, but then again so do I. We both work long hours, her especially, so I can understand if it takes a while to get back. However, something is gnawing on my insides telling me something is wrong because she usually wouldn't take this long. So am I being shunned or just way too anxious? What should I do, sit it out and wait or call later to see what's up? I know she sometimes works Fridays so if I was to call within the next couple of hours would be best. What do you guys think?

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However, something is gnawing on my insides telling me something is wrong because she usually wouldn't take this long. So am I being shunned or just way too anxious? What should I do, sit it out and wait or call later to see what's up? I know she sometimes works Fridays so if I was to call within the next couple of hours would be best. What do you guys think?

 

Are you sure that the gnawing something isn't just past fears acting up? You went on a date on Sunday, you've kept in touch throughout the week and you've asked her out. Relax. It's her turn to get in touch with you.

 

It seems way too soon to be muddying things up with such negative thoughts like she's ignoring you. That kind of stuff is bound to jinx any budding relationship and besides, why chip away at your self-esteem like that? It seems much more kinder on yourself to just assume that she's busy or the timing was bad.

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There are so many variables in people's lives, it's just impossible to speculate. I agree with everyone else that says the ball is in her court. Keep your heart open for a little while longer and give her some time...who knows what she's going through? But at the same time, don't dwell on it...move on mentally and occupy your mind with other people and things.

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Hi guys, thank you so much for the replies.

 

rivercitystein - i know you're probably right, but what if it's a case of her losing her phone or it being stolen? Then I'll never know if it was me or something else i know the chances of that actually happening are tiny though.

 

Yanet - That's easier said than done if I were a man. It's incredibly hard to find a woman you're interested in who is interested in you when you're a woman. People don't have their sexuality written all over them unfortunately.

 

Scorpion Fury - and that wouldn't put her off?

 

Weeblie - You've rightly spotted that this might be related to my past - my first boyfriend dumped me by ignoring me completely, and it's happened more than once. I have a very anxious personality when it comes to beginning relationships - most tries don't even get off the ground, perhaps I'm the common denominator but i can't see what I've done wrong here. I know I should occupy my mind with other things and be more positive, but when things like this happen I can't think of anything else.

 

Jeremiah Johnson - I think you're right, i'll have to wait it out, but how much longer should i wait considering it's been almost 24h since i sent the message and I asked her if she'd like to go out tomorrow?

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Sometimes my phone just randomly decides who I can get texts from. lol So she might not have gotten the text? I would wait a couple of days then call. If she doesnt call then thats on her. She lost out and move on.

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Hi everyone, thanks again for the replies.

 

I tried calling last night and she didn't pick up the phone. It's morning now and obvious that my gut feeling was right. I now feel pretty worthless because this is the nth time this has happened and I'm pretty sick of it. Like I said before, it's hard to find other women who like women, especially where I live, so I'm really gutted this has happened. It's back to the drawing board but I don't even know where to start

 

I guess I missed some red flags along the way. I'm going to use this to work on myself, I need to gain some skills on how to spot people who do this and avoid them like the plague.

 

Thanks again and have a great weekend.

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Hi everyone, thanks again for the replies.

 

I tried calling last night and she didn't pick up the phone. It's morning now and obvious that my gut feeling was right. I now feel pretty worthless because this is the nth time this has happened and I'm pretty sick of it. Like I said before, it's hard to find other women who like women, especially where I live, so I'm really gutted this has happened. It's back to the drawing board but I don't even know where to start

 

I guess I missed some red flags along the way. I'm going to use this to work on myself, I need to gain some skills on how to spot people who do this and avoid them like the plague.

 

Thanks again and have a great weekend.

 

Im so sorry. Is ruff out there girl, whether your gay or straight. Dont worry, you will find someone. Do you go to gay clubs or is that not your scene?

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Thank you for the kind words qt81, you are right I will find someone, it's just coming up to bumps like these that make the ride pretty unpleasant. I'm not really part of the scene because I don't feel I fit in and everytime I've gone to a club some of the women come onto you pretty aggressively, and some persist even when you politely tell them you're not interested. Not all the women are like that though, obviously, and I've started making a few friends in the LGBT community here. My biggest barrier is the local language because I don't speak it well enough yet, but I'm getting there.

 

I'm also joining a small group of lesbians I've found here with more similar interests to my own who meet together monthly just to chat or go out and have fun. I kind of wanted to approach them before but hesitated because I thought it was exclusive for lesbians (I'm bi), but following your post I got in touch with the group moderator, explained my situation and she's said they'd be happy to have me join. So thank you for giving the encouragement to do that

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