Is my ex in a rebound relationship?

[opalinef]

So I'm mostly asking this not because I'm hoping for anything either way. To make a long story short, my ex dumped me in August 08 and I never heard from him again. We had a 16 month relationship wherein we spent everyday together, talked about marriage and living together, spent vacations with my family,etc. The breakup was mostly a surprise to me, as even though I knew we were drifting apart, he kept denying anything was wrong when I confronted him. I'd always feel alone and isolated after bringing it up because he actually called me paranoid and to "take what I say at face value" when he said nothing was wrong...still when he simply said "I'm done with this relationship/ I don't want to be in a relationhip with anyone but I still love you" without even trying to work things out or talk about it, I was devastated.

 

Anyway, that was going on 7 months ago. I have since learned that 2 weeks after he dumped me he was on dating sites, 4 months after breaking it off he was "in a relationship" with a girl he just met and now at the end of this month he is moving in with her!! After dating her only 3 months.

 

So basically my question is this: is this a rebound relationship for him? The reason I want to know is that I cannot shake this feeling that I did something wrong to make him break up with me. And that this new girl is superior to me somehow. But if I knew that this was a rebound, that he's jumping into this so fast because it is a pattern or something then maybe I wouldn't take it upon myself to blame ME.

 

I do not want him back. He hurt me so deeply by the way he denied me a reason, made me feel paranoid for trusting my own intuition and then just removing himself from my life without a look back. I just need to take some comfort somewhere. 7 months later I'm still healing and he's moving in with someone brand new. Can anyone shed any light on this?

[tobetterdays]

Hi..It seems that you are putting in too much energy into thinking about his situation

If you don't want him back, it shouldn't matter if it is a rebound or not. Try to focus more on yourself because you deserve better.

[shikashika]

It sucks, but maybe he actually does like her and he had withdrawn from the relationship for a while while he was still in it with you... so it was over for him before it was over for you if you know what i mean.

 

That is why he is able to pick up and move in so quickly with this new person, regardless of if you ( and I) think it is very strange.

[winchester3]

It's not all about competition. In his eyes you just wernt right for him. You cant force him to change his mind, he has to do it himself. It didnt work, thats life it happens. You didn't do anything wrong. Ask him for an explanation if you want some more closure. I wouldnt sweat it though, nothing to lose sleep over.

[JadedStar]

Hi..It seems that you are putting in too much energy into thinking about his situation

If you don't want him back, it shouldn't matter if it is a rebound or not. Try to focus more on yourself because you deserve better.

 

yes, I agree. You are putting too much effort into worrying about this. Truth is, it doesn't matter if it was rebound or not, it has been seven months now and he has moved on. If it were a rebound there is no indicator at all that he would come back ... I think it was a case that he wasn't feeling 'it' with you and that is evidenced by you saying the last few months he seemed pulling away and the communication was pretty poor.

 

I think when a relationship's communication goes really sour that is a bonafide sign that needs are not being met and it is doomed. I doubt there is ANYthing that you just said wrong or did wrong to cause this....please don't beat yourself up in that regard. I think it sounded pretty inevitable (the break up).

[Jd1983]

I can't really say that this was a rebound relationship for him because everyone is different. However, from what I can see - you already sensed that your relationship was drifting apart even before you broke up. Sometimes they say to go with your initial instincts, because there's clearly a meaning to it. Although I don't condone the fact that he misguided you into thinking that everything was alright, the facts were already there. You did nothing wrong to cause the break up, sometimes things in life just aren't meant to be and she is no way superior to you in any way. We are all unique in our special way. Please stop trying to focus all your attention on his life, and what he is doing and start refocusing all that energy towards your own life. It's the only way to live life to the fullest.

[opalinef]

i guess i can understand not feeling it with me. but what hurts is that he went through the motions of feeling it. texting me that he loved me randomly during the day up until the week he broke it off. telling me to relax when i thought something was up. why bother to do that if you don't feel love?

 

i guess that question is rhetorical. but that's one of the reasons i can't shake the blame from myself. maybe that's my own issue. but if i knew he was just following his own messed up patterns (moving too quickly, getting infatuated) i don't know...maybe it would ease those thoughts a little?

 

i just want to stop driving myself crazy. it happens less and less as time goes by but these thoughts still pop up occassionally.

[JadedStar]

I don't know if it makes you feel better to know this but it is pretty common for someone to be thinking about breaking up but not really sharing that with the perosn they are with. Often they are saying the 'i love you's' right up to the day they get the courage to do it. Mostly because the majority of people just hate confrontation and avoid it at all costs.