Too much porn=(

[akmcculloch]

Hi,

I have been in a relationship for about three years now. I am 34 and my boyfriend is almost 40. We recently had a baby together and things seemed to be fine. I started noticing though during my pregnancy he started to not want to have sex as much. He loves to look at Porn on the computer. At first I was a bit bothered and spoke to him about it. He said nothings wrong, he loves me and don't worry about it. I kinda of didn't care so much becuase I was very pregnant and didn't mind not having sex at the moment. Since then things have pretty much stayed the same. We barley ever have sex. I ask him about it all the time and he says he tired or not feeling well. We have probably had sex maybe ten times since our daughter was born three and a half monthes ago. Whenever I ask him if he has been looking at porn he is honest and says yes, but that's only because I pretty much catch him. I walk into the room and he logs off imediatly. Then I ask and he tells me. I tell him to come to me first if he is feeling like he wants to have sex because I always will. He has said he will and is still not. I am really getting sick of this now and think that if our daughter was not in the picture I would be out. I do love him very much. I have given him so many opportunities to talk to me about this so I can understand. He just doesn't want to speak about it and now I am starting to feel like the respect for one another is going. I am a very understanding person and am willing to work on this but he just does not want to, it seems. Any suggestions???

[1MoreChance]

why do you tell him that if he comes to you, you will give him sex EVERY TIME? how can you garantee this? i don't think this will help the situation. he is sneaking around and porn, especially internet porn, is very addictive. and I woun't blame myself and think that he does this because I've gain weight from the pregnancy. you've only just carried and birthed both of your's child, for peete's sake.

[Postive-Aura]

Well i guess its porn and there is really no reason you should feel threatened, as most guys look at porn .

 

Hey loves you so i guess you should not make an issue out of it.

[Rah]

My boyfriend does the same. He has been married twice and divorced both of them shortly after they had a child together. For some males, they are actually turned off by the whole pregnancy/birth process. Evidently, it's actually pretty typical.

 

I'm not saying that that is the case for you, but you may want to ask him about it and be understanding with his response. With the porn thing, some males just like the visual stimulation from it quite a bit. If it really really bothers you, you need to tell him. Perhaps you guys just really need to mix it up a little. Ask him if there are certain positions or outfits that would make actual sex more appealing. Maybe a night out away from your child where you two can just be romantic may help.

 

As far as the extra weight gain, I think mothers are very sexy...and a little added weight is just natural. But with the superficial society we live in, it may be an issue for him. That is a question that you need to ask him. As far as added work at stress, that really shouldn't affect your sex life. But again you just need to ask him about that.

[mca1975]

I felt quite emotional when I read this post actually as you do sound like a lovely couple in fact. I think he really does love you. He is certainly honest and is not hiding anything. I think it's quite normal for a guy to go off sex after pregnancy isn't it, I'm not sure they can help it. I think women go off sex also don't they. I think I will be like this, not that I have had a child yet.

 

I like porn myself, I watch it when my boyfriend is not around, it would never mean that I want to cheat on him or feel a need for more exciting sex though as we have a very exciting sex life. Maybe he just got a little addicted to the porn, while you were pregnant and is finding it hard giving it up. Men eh, ha.

 

Just keep talking to him. I think 10 times in three months after having a baby is quite a lot actually!

[bumbleybum]

okay this upset me so much as im in the same situation and the people saying its normall just leave it it ant that easy when youve just had a baby your body image is pretty low as it is and then two feel like even your bf dont want you hurts

then add the porn and it can be really hurtful

[rocio]

How is your relationship? The first while after the birth of a baby is a low point in many, many couples. Do you criticise him? Does he gave fears or insecurities about his ability to provide for the family or be a good parent? Do you generally fight a lot?

 

Think carefully about these questions before you start to think it may be a loss of attraction due to body changes.

 

Porn is a fantasy world where they are a sex god and the women have no needs. It can be a desirable place for a man to escape to when his real life doesn't make him feel good.

 

If I could do things over again, I would have put my foot down from the beginning and maintained zero tolerance to excessive open use. Although he's been able to get it under control, two years of dealing with this has left ugly scars on who I now am as a person. (oh yeah, and we became parents two years ago... Familiar story)