Married and liking another married man

[guineapiggy]

I recently got married almost a year ago. It was an arranged marriage. I know my husband well but we have no sexual relationship. We share a lot in common but he and I are not that close and there is no sex. I have a tendency to flirt with guys at work (People at work do not know I am married). I kinda got attracted to this guy at work. He works in a different dept than I do. One day I ran into him and talked to him a bit, thinking nothing of it. He then wrote me an email. From then on, we had am interesting email conversation. We did this for many days. I email him about 2-3 times a week and we have email conversations. At first I had no idea he was married. He does not wear a wedding ring. I am very proactive. I found him interesting to converse with so I asked him out. He said he was busy. But that he would think about it. He then told me that he was worried about the fact that we worked together in the same company. He still never told me he was married. He did tell me once where he lived before he moved to the city and I have a friend who lives out there. She did some digging around and found out that he was indeed married. I then confronted him about the subject and he told me yes he was married but that I had never asked him so he thought I knew. I asked him in about 3 emails but he never answered that part of the email. He never asked if I was married since the way I am at work, people assume I am single. I did finally tell him I was married and I also told him the situation behind the marriage.

 

He said that he would eventually go out with me maybe for a drink but that it had to be a office party or something like that. He was terribly afraid of people gossiping. I was ok with that for then. Finally, a chance came up for that. There was a farewell party for a guy who worked in our dept. I invited my friend to it since I was invited. We managed to talk there and he seemed interested in me. We had a great time. I flirted with him and he seemed to enjoy it.

 

The next week, on a Sat, we had a company sport tournament. He and I decided to meet there to talk some more and then he and I went off to a bar so we could talk some more. I told him I was interested in him for a fling. He said he would think about it. We then kinda messed around in his car. He was kinda drunk I think. Not sure though. Now I want to see him again. I am so attracted to him.

 

We kinda made preliminary plans to go out this Sat night. We made these plans on Tues afternoon. Later that evening I found out that my husband and I were supposed to go down to the city for dinner and an opera on Sat. I was willing to cancel out with my husband but I wanted my friend to be sure about if we were meeting on Sat. I emailed him on Wed telling him about my dilemma and he said "dont worry, we can meet another time" I was furious. I had looked forward to seeing him again. The next two days, he acted weird to me, partially because work was getting hectic. Although on Friday, he did not respond to any of my emails. He always said he enjoyed getting emails from me. Now I dont know what to think. Is he sick of me??? What???? I like him and want to go out with him again. I am thinking of not writing him for a few days and see what happens. Is he sick of me??? I am confused.

 

He will have to deal with me again because I work with him on a weekly basis. Originally, I did not work with him, my coworker did. After I started to like him, I told my coworker that I wanted to help her out and relieve her stressed out schedule by taking over one of her tasks and I told her I would do the task that dealt with him. She was happy for me to take over and so I did. So I do see him on a work basis about once a week.

 

I was looking for a fling. Thought he was too. Now he is acting weird, why??? I am not looking for a relationship and he seemed like he was ok with fling. I have had flings with a few people from work and most were ok with them being once a week, etc. This guy is weird. Or has he lost interest in me???

[BronBron23]

Uhmmm, what are you talking about here? Was it my illusion that you said you were both married? You don't have flings with other people when you are married, ya know. Ever think that might be the reason he's not interested?

[guineapiggy]

I know, but he knows I am married and I knew he was married. We got together after the sport tournament two Sat ago, at a bar, and then we messed around a bit. I thought he was interested in a fling. I also told him I was married because I wanted him to know that I wasnt after him for anything long-term since I was married myself. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with him. That is all. I thought he was interested. If I lay off on writing him, etc., do you think he will be interested again??? He seemed interested at the bar. He tells me he likes my friendship and he enjoys my emails a lot. I dont know what to think

[sisterlynch]

Why don't you let your husband know that you are not very happy being married? Your parents would like you to be happy right? I think the guy that you want to see feels guilty seeing someone outside the wedding contract.

[guineapiggy]

Sisterlynch, my husband knows I am not really happy. He is not into me in a sexual way. He likes me and I think he enjoys my company, but we dont have sex. He has problem with that, not me. That is why I find this guy so intriguing. I am not looking for a relationship with him, just a sexual fling. He being married too, he wrote to me first and, in the beginning, he seemed like he was into a fling too. I might have misread him but we did hang out two weeks ago and messed around a bit. Now he is acting strange again. I wish I had not told him about my Sat plans with my husband. Maybe I could have then got together with him. On Friday, he completely ignored both my emails, which he never does. He always answers one of my emails.

 

I am thinking of not writing emails to him the next two days at work, and also ignoring him except for work-related purposes. Maybe then, he will be interested in going out with me again. DOnt know. Any suggestions?????

[Jeffrey]

I'd like to help you because I've been in your position before. But I'm a bit confused. You're in an "arranged" marriage? Arranged by whom and why? Is this for cultural or religious reasons? Although you say your married, you don't sound like you feel your married in your heart or your mind. Can your marriage be unarranged?

My preliminary advice: Forget the married guy. You're clearly trying to tempt him into breaking his vows for your own pleasure. Don't break up a marriage you know nothing about. You could cause this guy unthinkable mental anguish. Don't assume he can can handle the mental aspects of infidelity. I've been there, I wouldn;t wish that torture on my worst enemy. If you have any respect for this guy, tell him you were mistaken and you just want to enjoy his friendship.

If you want a fling, and are comfortable with that even while you are married, then go find some single guy. But if that's what you want to do, why are you still married? Clearly its not because of the religious conviction behind your vows.

I hope you don't find this too blunt. I want to help you do the right things for you and all others involved.

[Tellin It Like It Is]

Listen, if its a fling, it's a fling. That means one brief thing. If it's a continuing thing, believe it or don't, that's a relationship. You wrote a lot for someone who just wanted a "fling". On top of your misleading offer of just a fling, you hunted his past down to find out if he was married BEFORE you divulged your marital status! You're funny. You had your fling. He's over it. You should get over it too, and find someone who is willing to provide what you want. (Which seems to be sex on a continual basis).

[PBarrett]

Sounds to me like he feels guilty, maybe he actually loves his wife. It also sounds like you should NOT be married. Being married means not throwing yourself at other men. If your marriage has no sex as you say try discussing this with your husband. Do not try to ruin other marriages.