I just can't stand it

[amyjb]

I just can't stand the fact that my husband still misses his emotional affair after 4 months of no contact with her. We were doing great, having fun together, laughing, smiling, spending so much time together, hugging, cuddling, kissing, making love. When did he have time to miss her?

How can he miss someone he never even met?

 

Is this normal? When will he forget her?

 

Is it normal for me to feel like I can't have sex with him when he is still thinking of her? And if I don't, because that is an important part of a relationship, how will that effect us?

 

I am just so confused.

[Wolf_22]

I just can't stand the fact that my husband still misses his emotional affair after 4 months of no contact with her. We were doing great, having fun together, laughing, smiling, spending so much time together, hugging, cuddling, kissing, making love. When did he have time to miss her?

How can he miss someone he never even met?

 

Is this normal? When will he forget her?

 

Is it normal for me to feel like I can't have sex with him when he is still thinking of her? And if I don't, because that is an important part of a relationship, how will that effect us?

 

I am just so confused.

 

What is your husband doing that makes you believe he's having an emotional affair? How many times does it occur each day? The reason I ask this is because some people may consider something to be extremely trivial versus that of another person who may see that same thing as being the exact opposite in degrees of magnitude.

 

Personally, I believe that if my partner fantasizes about another man every now-and-again, I have no serious problems with it because we're all human and it's impossible to control another's thoughts or emotions (even if I could, I would never want to do that anyway). If, however, this "emotional affair" stuff occurs in a way Wikipedia presents us with by it's various examples, then I would begin to have some issues with it. Much of it just depends on the person.

[catfeeder]

You don't mention how you know he still misses her. Is he provoking you with this information by telling you, or are you prompting him to tell you this by asking? Or, are you just assuming--and if so, based on what?

 

The actions you describe all sound good, so the stuff you're not telling us can make all the difference in the world. Care to explain?

 

In your corner.

[timetoremember]

Okay, I'm going to be honest, and say that I have been in this situation, but I was your husband. At the time, my husband was addicted to online games....has been for years and I'd threatened to leave him several times over the fact. Then I met someone online. It all started innocently enough, met him through youtube videos, got to sending emails, totally on a friendship level and then I started getting emotionally attached to this man. Now, at the time, I can honestly say there was NOTHING romantic about it. We were both looking for something and we filled that need for each other. Unfortunately, I got too attached for a married woman. *insert rest of long story here*. Fast forward to the admission that I was having an emotional affair (and yes, it could have turned into a romantic one, but I couldn't do it) I can say from experience, that an emotional affair is just as bad as a sexual affair. Marriages can be ruined. Do I regret it? Yes and no. How did we get to where we are now? (Hubby and I are happy together again) It has taken nearly a year, a miscarriage and a lot of patience between both of us to get to the stage where I can see us making it again. It just started by spending more time together, TALKING to each other (do you know, we didn't even look at each other when we spoke to each other....for years!). You know sometimes couples, once they're married, forget to be each others best friend. To look out for each other, make sure each one is travelling along okay in everyday life, just simple things like a foot rub at the end of the night while watching TV. If you think you guys can make this work (and it has to be a joint, gut HONEST decision), then it HAS to be 100% NO CONTACT with the other woman. NOTHING, NIL, ZILCH, ZERO, NADDA......it's the only way you will get your husband to give this a shot. If he's not willing to do it....then look out for yourself and your children. In a way, I'm glad what happened to us did....it was the kick up the * * * * we both needed to bring back the important things in this life........All the best to you, message me if you like. Take care

[stickman]

Here is something to think about.

 

Well all want what we can't have even when we don't need it. We all desire that which is hard to otain. We have somthing good right in front of us and we want something bigger and better. Bigger car, bigger house...a woman with bigger....well...you get the point.