Need encouragement for NC...

[dreamer888]

Hi. I dated a guy for a while and we broke up. He began to treat me very badly, but for some reason I still miss him like crazy and have FINALLY decided to go NC.

Well...the first couple days were very easy. I started it on Tuesday and now it's Friday.

Things have been REALLY rough in that area for me though for the last couple of days. It seems like i am just having to FIGHT myself to not contact him. It's worse that it is the weekend and I know his type and he HAS to have a girl at all times...and especially being valentine's day weekend...i just KNOW he is out doing what he used to and probably trying to find some and any girl that'll hook up with him.

It's jsut really hard to NOT contact him. I feel like he is going to forget about me since i have ALWAYS been the one to contact him first when we go on these random "no talking" periods that he starts.

 

I just need any words of encouragement or any advice on how to stick to my NC. Also, why is it so hard on the 3rd and 4th days and so on? This is killing me. I just care about him so much and feel like he doesn't care for me in the slightest...and i'm really afraid he's not ever going to contact me again if i don't contact him first bc of his pride issues.

 

Please help...

[JohnGalt]

Getting through a breakup over someone you adore/love dearly is the hardest thing i've ever done...by far.

 

No contact is extremely hard for dumpees especially because we're constantly thinking about them. But the research suggests that after an extended period of no contact, the dumpers will begin to miss you.

 

Now here on ENA, we always say NC is to heal...but initially, you should think of NC as a means to an end. Think that the only way to get your ex back is to go no contact. Go sign up for the NC challenge. Try very hard to go at least a month without contact.

 

I'll say this. You don't really want to know what your ex is doing. They are doing whatever they want. If they are sleeping around, there's nothing you can do to stop them. If they are talking to someone else or thinking about getting with someone else, there is nothing you can do to stop them. Knowing won't change their mind. Contacting them will only annoy them more and push them away. Knowing and contacting your exes is a SURE FIRE way to get hurt.

 

So stay strong. As hard as NC is, it is better and more effective than the alternatives.

[BrokenheartUK]

It will be hard but believe me, it's something you HAVE to do. I'm sure he won't forget about you and it's important to think that you're going NC for your benefit. If he treated you badly then you just have to keep trying to remember those bad times to make you strong.

 

NC has been the biggest help to me in terms of 'getting over' my ex. I deleted all online profiles, msn, email...the only thing I've kept is her phone number and for some reason I never think to text her as I know it won't achieve a thing.

 

I know it will be impossible for you to not think about what he's up to this weekend, but if he's the type of guy you say he is and will hook up with anybody, is that honestly the kind of man you want a relationship with?

[and again]

He doesnt seem that careing of a guy to hook so soon, and you dont want to really be with some one who can make you worry straight away after a breakup, that he will jump straight in with someone else. Go nc and if he`s got any feelings he will come back to you. Its 3wks today sincnce my last contact, and yes 1st couple of days can be easy because you have prob been there before in past row`s. you have good days followed by maybe 3 bad days on the trot all the way through. The last few days for me have been ok, not saying the next few will be, but i know im moving forward. Would still love my ex toget back to me, but there`s no way im begging, and im definatly seeing things a lot more clear, all the bad points etc . Good luck.

[JohnGalt]

Let me tell you....NC is a rollercoaster of emotions!

 

Stay busy.

[BrokenheartUK]

Let me tell you....NC is a rollercoaster of emotions!

 

Stay busy.

 

Great advice. I need a T-shirt with this on!

 

dreamer888 > Hang in there, it does get easier the longer you stay in NC.

[dreamer888]

THank you all for your time and replies.

I know what you all are saying about if he is willing to hook up with another girl so shortly after we break up...without feeling any remorse and feeling like it's not "right" then i shouldn't want to be with him.

But it's always what you CAN'T have that you want so bad.

But i also wanted him just as bad before...

This is so hard.

I am really trying to MAKE myself start being interested in other guys...even if it is just for a really great friendship...but even that is hard. This guy WAS my best friend and companion. we spent every moment together and in the beginning, we shared EVERYTHING.

Towards the end, he stopped sharing so much with me and that was hard too. Because i was so using to being the one he confided in and just told his daily plans and happenings to.

Well, I just hope i can make it through this. I am hanging out with a guy that i used to "talk" to. He is such a gentleman and has a LOT going for him. He really is almost perfect for a guy in my eyes...but STILL, why is it SO hard for me to just move on from this other guy...who (hate to say it..but it's true) doesn't amount to even a quarter of what this new guy is.

 

I have to say though...i am at the point where i would feel NERVOUS and dumb to contact him. When we last spoke i told him we just weren't cut out to be friends fright now bc i couldn't deal with his up and down talking to me then not tlaking to me with no explanation that happened at least once a week and last a few days at a time. But i made sure that i was always going to be there for him in a friendly way and that i hope he can find someone who he really likes one day.

Was i wrong for saying that? I DID mean it...i just wish I could be that girl that he could be happy with...