Was I just a fool? HELP!!!

[dreamer888]

I dated a guy for about 6 months...and we basically dated the three previous months before that, starting when we first met.

We have now broken up but kept contact until about this past Monday. There have been a lot of on and off times...where he would just ignore me for days at a time...i guess knowing that I would be there waiting on him to contact me...and when he would I'd jump.

First...our relationship started out with him 100% persuing me. I wasn't interested...but he "had to try." After a few months, i fell for him. He changed so many things "FOR ME" without me ever asking him to do so.

Anyway...after a while...the arguments began. They were over stupid, small things...but I am a person that likes to discuss stuff and actaully solve it, but he is the type that doesn't like to discuss, literally, ANYTHING.

Well...slowly but surely all of that stuff that he "quit" for me...he started doing it again after the break up. I know this happened because he never WANTED to quit for himself..just did it to impress me.

I guess he thought since i always took him back, he could do anything he wanted and i'd be there faithfully waiting for him to come back.

Well, he did a lot of stuff like this to me throughout the relationship.

He also has a little sister who knew me previously (she had tried to date my other ex while me and that ex were still dating) and she would constantly talk bad about me and he would let it go on. Finally, after 8 months, i told him she was manipulative (which she is...she's one of the "I'm a church girl and don't do bad things...but i'll ruin someone's life to "take care" of someone else...") and that she wants to get her way and will do anytihng to turn him against me since she didn't like me to begin with.

Well, the last straw was on Sunday. I was leaving the dog park in my city...he lives 30 minutes away...and WHO DO I SEE arriving? Him. He was very rude and mean and said he was meeting his brother and sister-in-law. Turns out...he was meeting two girls from his old job (which was basically a bar pizza joint...where all the people that worked there pretty much did drugs, smoked pot, etc...so basically...not a very good crowd and lots of girls that have a bit of a bad reputation...). When i asked him about this...he BLEW up and told me he wasn't "very fond" of me anymore and the next day, texted me that i "could find someone else to go out with on vday." I simply said ok and that i had already made plans to do so. (which i had...because i knew after that...it was officially off...)

Anyway...Am i just a FOOL?!

Everyone says...he is a slacker...not worth it...etc.

I know this is true. He didn't go to college and doesn't care to succeed in life...he is working at a very mediocre job that he told me he will be at for the rest of his life...he TELLS me he never lies...but MANY times i have caught him in lies...he does things that he KNOWS will hurt me and tells me he does them "because he can" (which he CAN, but it's just the fact that he now doesn't CARE that he hurts me...and it's over stuff that i am extremely passionate about him NOT doing for reasons that are very deep rooted...), he doesn't have very good hygeine and very poor health habits, etc. There are bacially MANY things about this guy that ar ejust NOT suited for me and things i have ALWAYS said that i found VERY unattracative in a man. So why am i still hurting?!?!

I think a LARGE portion is because he DID change for me and now that he is changing back to his old ways, it hurts to see him losing feelings for me.

ALSO...i don't really want to DATE him again since the first time around was so awful, but i just wish he wasn't so hateful. Does anyone have any advice why he is just being so cruel?

Also, this time i told him that we needed time apart and coudln't even be friends for a long time...i actually meant it. I told him this probably about 20 times...then HE would text and ask me to come watch a movie, etc...and i ALWAYS gave in. But this time...it STILL hurts but i don't have that pain and temptation about contacting him like i did...so do you think that he believes that i wasn't being serious?!

I know, i know...if you don't want him back...why does any of this matter?! Well...it's like this: I would LOVE to be with him...the OLD him again...and the thing is...he WAS SOOO happy with his old self...so healthy...no smoking, no pot, no more multiple partners, one girl that REALLY took care of him...etc...and i wonder if he just realized that i would ALWAYS be there and he just realize he could treat me any ole way and just reverted back to his old ways and thought i would still be there waiting.

Has anyone ever been treated horribly by an ex and they come back?

ALSO, i am not 100% on this...but i think he MAY be interested in another girl. he says he is not. but i think he MIGHT be and if not interested in a PARTICULAR one, then interested in the dating around scene at least...

however, that wouldn't bother me too much...in a WAY...bc either if he doesnt get seriously involved it MIGHT help me to get over him OR he might realize that i was better than he gave me credit for.. (I REALLY did try ot be a good gf bc he had never had a good gf...i was the first girl he told he loved and he's about to be 26 in a couple months...and his other relationship...the girl cheated on him constantly and was based on "drugs and sex"...and i took care of him and cooked for him, did his errands, was ALWAYS there when he wanted me to be...when he got home...i'd leave my hanging out and come home to him like he expected and bc i WANTED to...i REALLY tried. But he doesn't see this...)

 

Basically...i want to know...

1. Do you think he would EVER change back to the man he and i both loved.

2. Do you think that he MIGHT actually miss "what he doesn't have" once he realizes that i'm gone?

3. Was this relationship even worth all the effort i put into it...do you think he just took me for granted?

 

 

Let me add: He did tell me about a month ago... that he no longer ruled out us being together...but then we got into a HUGE fight one night...that WAS my fault...but the way he handled it was also very bad...

AND...the arguing was a lot of my fault. I was in school and in EXTREMELY hard classes with huge loads and was frustrated and took a lot of stuff out on him...BUT when i wanted to sort stuff out...he would NEVER just sit down and talk to me.

 

Another thing...he would ALWAYS blame EVERYTHING on me. To this day, he has not apologized for ANYTHING and i have told him twice that i wouldn't talk to him again if he didn't (Of course, being stupid as i am...i did talk to him). So, basically, I would end up apologizing for us getting into an argument over something that WAS his fault a couple times....

 

ANYWAY...ANY advice, opinions, real-life stories...ANYTHING would be helpful.

Thanks so much guys!!!

[DJBaby]

In your entire post I couldn't find one thing you liked about him, other than that he liked you.

 

Move on. He isn't the person for you... even if he changes again, which isn't really fair to ask him to do.

[alli]

I agree. You seem very bitter towards him in general. I have to wonder why you ever decided you liked him in the first place? Let this be a good learning experience for you. If a person has certain characteristics that are a deal-breaker for you, then let them go. If they suddenly decide to "quit" right when they want to date you, it is likely they are only doing it to impress you. Which will result in them either being resentful towards you for you "making them change" or just relapsing later, with you stuck in a situation where you either have to break your morals or break up with them. No matter how much in "lust" you are with them, you have to also think about the reality of who this person is and how things will probably end up down the road if you stay with them.