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Why do I have the desire to do these things?


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I don't want to talk to my ex again, ever. This morning I realized that I'm sick of even thinking about the BAD things in order to help me heal, I just want to stop thinking about her PERIOD, because any thoughts about her now are blocking me from moving on.

 

So what happens? I get to work today and for some reason the urge just hits me to log into her Facebook page to see if she has any messages about me. (She gave me her password when we were together and told me it was fine to go on hers).

 

I feel like scum. I know that were I to even do this, I'd feel terrible about myself and what I might see I probably wouldn't like - even when I got curious and googled her profile (I could only see the picture) last week, THAT hurt - even though it was nothing special - just a pic of her that I'd seen before. Where the heck did this urge come from? And the more I tell myself "Um...NO, dummy, you don't do that", the more I feel like doing it. I didn't spy on her when we were together (aside from checking her phone once when her ex was texting her and she was texting back, and one time when she was still logged into FB on my computer, when her ex and her were messaging back and forth)...but why now? What...do I WANT to torment myself? I'm so angry at myself. I just want to do a memory wipe or something like that and erase her.

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Oh, I misunderstood, sorry. But out of the blue? After a rough getting to work routine, I got to work, made the collections manager smile and laugh, went around and said good morning to everyone, then told myself "This is going to be a good day". I sit down and just think "I want to see her Facebook" - poof, like that. Is that normal?

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Hiya Seymore

 

I think it is quite normal for these daft urges to come creeping up on us out of the blue from time to time. But the good news is that you didn't go and look so pat yourself on the back for that.

 

It will get easier and the silly urges will fade away - just be patient and kind to yourself - ok?

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Thanks, Clabs. I fought those urges a lot while we were together (while she was communicating with her ex), and didn't give in for the most part. I don't know if I'm wanting to see if she's been messaging her ex again so that I can just tell myself she was never over him and dislike her even more, or if I want to see what she's telling her friends about me...

 

It's not even worth thinking about, let alone writing about what I just wrote. I'm such a hard head sometimes. I can't wait until the day this all passes. I need to find a new girl to hang out with (not date, just be friends with), or talk to other girls so that I can get THEM in my head.

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Haha - lots of us can dole out fantastic advice on here about other peoples relationship woes because we are not romantically invested in any way but when it comes to our own situation, I think we can all be pretty hard headed at times.

 

But you have the right idea - it IS a waste of your time and energy. Eventually you will kick your own backside and laugh at yourself for all this wasted energy and emotion - that is when you will know you really have turned a corner!

 

Keep focussing forward because you look kind of daft keep looking back, tripping over things and crooking your neck!

 

Mark

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