Not sure if I should give her another chance.

[Sam _]

My ex and I have broken up three times, each time we remained friends each time. We started dating in December of 2007. To start from the beginning:

 

The first time, she broke up with me because I wasn't really assertive enough with her. Which was a bit because I was a little too nervous around her (she was my first GF in couple years). We were dating for a month. (Broke up January '08 )

 

We got back together about two months later, she broke up with me three months after that because she "is not ready for commitment" and because, she said, that she wanted to give someone else a chance. Which pissed me off more than it hurt me. (Broke up March '08 )

 

They broke up within the first couple weeks. I asked her out about a couple months afterward, we went to the prom together. We broke up again in September (4 months later) because (she says) she needs to focus a bit more with school, which is understandable because she barely passed last year and was behind in credits. But what really got to me was that a month later she started dating someone else. They broke up too within the first couple weeks.

 

Now she is wanting to get back with me. She is being more romantic than she was before. She has been putting herself down a lot and saying that she never should have left me. She also says she won't break up with me again, which she said that last time we got back together. I mentioned that and she started going on about how serious she is and that she really won't do it again.

 

I want to get back with her but only if she really is serious. And I don't want her thinking that I'll get back with her any and every time no matter what. Its been a week since she last talked about us, but she still hints at it though. Can I get some advice or insight in what I should do?

[sweet_rebel]

She is stringing you along. She knows you will take her back so what does she have to lose by breaking up with you? Don't give her another chance. If you ask me, she's already blown two, especially since she ditched you one of those times for someone else - that is not someone worth taking back! Not a very good record, right? You know how the saying goes... "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Be strong and move on.

[parlae]

don't take her back so soon.

she obviously thinks she can have you back anytime she wants. and that's not good.

give it some time. she needs to prove to you that she's serious this time. don't you agree??

and if she gets mad that you're making her wait for your answer until she proves it, then it's not worth it anyway.

because if she honestly wants to be with you, she'll have no problem with it.

[huskiesfan]

From what I've read, she's pursuing something with you know because she doesn't have any other options at this point. She doesn't want to be alone, (which explains why she's getting so impatient about you not giving her an answer) so she's turning back to someone familiar--you. Don't take her back at all. I'll bet that if you did, she'd leave when the next guy caught her attention. She sounds really self-centered and she should learn that there are consequences when she breaks someone's heart. Taking her back is only going to stroke her ego, and let her know that she can have you back anytime. Don't give her that satisfaction.

[Pandaman211]

From what I've read, she's pursuing something with you know because she doesn't have any other options at this point. She doesn't want to be alone, (which explains why she's getting so impatient about you not giving her an answer) so she's turning back to someone familiar--you. Don't take her back at all. I'll bet that if you did, she'd leave when the next guy caught her attention. She sounds really self-centered and she should learn that there are consequences when she breaks someone's heart. Taking her back is only going to stroke her ego, and let her know that she can have you back anytime. Don't give her that satisfaction.

 

Definitely a possibility. You just never know with some women.

 

If you're confused though, you should feel her out. Nothing verbally pertaining to a possible relationship, or such, just take it SLOW and hang out with her sometime in the near future. See how things go. You should be able to gauge her sincerity/seriousness better in how she acts between now and when you guys casually hang out, and when you guys actually hang out.

 

Don't overanalyze, but see how she acts while you guys are talking via phone, email, text, etc. Make it really casual if you decide to initiate meeting up for a bit. If it goes well, like I and another poster said, take it REALLY SLOW, and hang out again a few days-week later, and see how it goes again. Thats really the only way to most accurately gauge her interest. Don't bring up the relationship when you guys are together, because then she will be on her best behavior, you know what I'm saying? You want the unedited ex.

[pumpkinmoon]

I don't think you should take her back because I am pretty sure she will do the same thing again.

[Sam _]

The thing is, our relationship was great. The only downside was us breaking up. She herself had admitted that she has an issue with commitment, but a couple days ago she mentioned that she doesn't anymore and wants to commit to (her words) "someone I actually love".

[1MoreChance]

"Now she is wanting to get back with me. She is being more romantic than she was before. She has been putting herself down a lot and saying that she never should have left me. She also says she won't break up with me again, which she said that last time we got back together. I mentioned that and she started going on about how serious she is and that she really won't do it again.

 

I want to get back with her but only if she really is serious. And I don't want her thinking that I'll get back with her any and every time no matter what. Its been a week since she last talked about us, but she still hints at it though. Can I get some advice or insight in what I should do?"

 

1) don,t listen to any of her promises (they are worthless) example "I won't leave you again". she has no way of being able to promise that. she is just saying that to get you back. even if she isn't aware of it. this is fear-based behavior.

 

2) let her chase you. do your own thing. Be uncertain. focus on your clarity of mind, happiness and goals. give yourself time and tell here you need time. You cnanot in your right mind take her back (JUST YET!!!)! she dumped you 3 times!

[Mutley]

My ex would do the exact same crap.

 

She would heartlessly break up with me (by email) then come back crying and acting all loving for a few days. Then it was the same crap. She would do it all over again. It was my fault because I kept taking her back. Then one day she just disapeared. Never heard from her again. Sounds bad, but it was a good thing I'm glad she's gone. She has done a number on my ability to trust as result though. I'm trying to work through that. It's no fun waiting for the other shoe to drop all the time.

[parlae]

well, i just purchased a new book yesterday called "getting back together".

i've only read the first few chapters so far, and it's already helped me.

i re-read your story, and it made me think of something i read.

it says that too often people reconcile prematurely. and the person who is trying to initiate a reconciliation will make false promises,etc. or anything just to get the person back. and it rarely ever works because the promises are broken, the person doesnt change or even try to change as much as they said they would and the same problems arise.

more time apart is needed so the person can actually begin to change in the time spent separated from their significant other, not just talk about changing.

 

i'm sure the book worded it better than i just did, lol. but you get what i'm saying, right??