advice please

[medtranusa]

I am trying to get back my ex of a 9-year relationship. He broke things off with me 2 weeks after meeting someone new. We were really just both bored with each other and unhappy. Instead of staying and working things out he moved on to someone new. I did not move out right away and he watched me cry and cry. I told him I was just in going through the normal stages of things and in fact I was going to be fine with getting out on my own. She moved in the next week after I left with her 2 teenage illigitimate daughters leaving their father to move in with him. Well it has been 6 weeks and the they have already settled into a regular relationship. He and I did not talk for about a month until he came to see me after I sent him an email saying how happy I am. The problem is I am having trouble keeping him communicating with me. He tells me that she flips out if he tells her we have been talking. We have agreed to phone each other when he is at work. I told him to just not tell her about it but we shall see. So far he says he will call and has not. As of today I made my 2nd call to him. I had a good excuse to call and got to tell him about my date over the weekend. He complained about the kids to me. We agreed at any age children were a pain. At the end of the call he said he would probably call me later and has not. So should I just let him go completely and wait for him to contact me. I am supposed to go to his parents house this weekend for a little birthday party. They want me there because we are very close and they know it ticks off the new woman. Should I stay away so we don't see each other or go and act happy? I feel like if I contact him again for any reason I am the only one who wants to stay in touch. The even stranger thing is that I knew he wanted to see me after he had not for a month. It's like we still have that bond even though he is with someone else where we know what each other is thinking, or it's just wishful thinking on my part.

 

I'm so confused. I just want to chance to try and salvage things and see if we could work it out. We have so much more going for us than this rescue/rebound he has now.

[Beec]

If I were you, wanting to break them up, I would go and just be real nice to everyone. Let her be b****y towards you and smile. If she is continually nasty and insecure, your chances increase. At the same time, try not to openly flirt with him. When the chance arises try to amke him feel special, jsut through your words. What does he like to hear? No delcarations of love. Act like you are moving on.

 

If you cannot act like this, use no contact. You need to know how to act disaffected by the break up before you can try to get him back.

 

Take a look at:

 

link removed

 

The thread discusses it from a different view point, but the concept is the same.

[Hopingpraying]

Medtranusa,

 

This is a tough one, and hopefully someone else will follow up this advice with something better.

 

Based on what you have said I would believe you need to move on. If it only took him three weeks to move someone new into his house with him after you were with him for nine years then I would have to think he had been having a relationship with this woman prior to you leaving. I could be off base on this, but I rarely here of someone getting over a long term relationship so quickly and moving someone else in.

 

I would do the no contact rule. If he contacts you, keep it brief and don't act needy. However, as long as he is with the other woman I wouldn't waste your time. I just can't get over the nine years and he is with someone else so quickly.

 

I know this is probably not the advice you want to here, but its my take. Hopefully someone else has a better take.

[medtranusa]

Thanks for your advice but he really did just meet her on Oct 31st, broke up with me on Nov 19th but I moved out in the first week in January with her and her girls moving in a week later. His family and everyone that knows him thinks he flipped his lid. As a matter of fact we just got engaged the year before but we had not been getting along great. He would go out on his motorcycle and I always declined. We live an area where bikes are really not a great idea so I was hoping he would lose interest. He told me he was just lonely and I told him I was lonely too. We were both drifting apart and feeling the same at the same exact time.

This pathetic needy chick just happened to meet him at the right time. Longterm relationships always hit a spot where you go to the next level or break up. We just didn't make it.

 

I have been doing pretty good since I moved out. It was really rough because he was sending all kinds of mixed messages. We even slept togeter a few more times. I know this stroke of fate that brought them together might be the best thing that ever happened to me. Only time will tell.