i desperately need help.. please please give me advice

[pete2002]

I dated a beautiful, smart girl while i was at college and during my first year and a half of med school, for basically 3.5 years.. then i needed space because i wasnt sure, we took a break, and she was depressed for 8 months and trying to get me back... the whole time she was sad she held me back from moving on, because i am the type of person that has trouble seeing poeple they care about hurt.. so even though i didnt want her, i didnt date this new girl i had met because i didnt want to hurt my ex. and my love for my ex didnt change, it was just that i wanted to make sure i wanted to marry her, and wasnt just dragging it all out.

 

so then my ex starts law school, one block away from me, and immediately she changes.. she changes from the person she was, she sleeps with a guy she didnt know well, and this all drives me nuts.. when i act like my normal self she wants me back, but i become this lunatic, crazed, jealous person.. which is really not me... that has goen on for almost five months.. i keep getting pulled back in.. at first i think she was confused, and woudl call me whenever i woudl take a break from talking to her, but now things rae totally messed up, and she is through

 

she is dating this real nice guy she met at school, and im sure he treats her great. i regret taking the break, i regret pushing her away the past five months.. im like a poster child for how to mess up a great thing.

 

now all i can think about non stop is how beaitufilu she is, how smart and successful she is, and how i messed up. i have always done so well in school and honor everything i do, but this is affecting my school. its affecting my friendships because its all i think about. my parents are worried about me. my friends are worrieda bout me. i've gone from the most happy go lucky person int he world, as all my friends call me, into a total depression case.

 

so how do you get over someone when you know you've messed it up beyond repair, and its raely over, and no contact isn't going to bring her back, but will just let her move on from you. im so sad, i love her wtih all my heart, and if i hadnt messed up i prolly woudl have ended up marrying her.... now, we prolly wont even be friends because she's found osmeone that im sure she'll date for a long long time.

 

im depressed, this is ruining the wonderful life that i had. it seems liek it overshadows all the things that im doing that are importnat to me, like medicine, and i feel less healthy. i worry that i'll never find somene as great, because why would someoen that beautiful and that intelligent want me... thats how i truly feel, and worry that i'll regret this my whole life.

 

i do get upset because in many ways i treated her so great last year when the situation was flipped, and i dindt live my life the way i wanted because i felt for her, and wanted to be there for her, and woudl hang out wtih her whenver she asked, and took her out for her birthday and when she was sad. adn now that she's finally found osmeone she liked, she immediately stopped calling me, and started terating me like the 20th most important person in her life... it was so unfair and unbalanced. but despite this, i think this is my fault, because if i ahdnt broken up wtih her in the first place and taken the break, she woudl be the same sweet, wonderufl girl that put me so high on a pedestal and would have done anything for me and to be wtih me. now she's like that wiht someone else.

 

please please help. thanks

 

pete

[woopsydaisy]

Hey pete i feel for you i really do.I think every man who has loved and lost has been in the same situation.I know i have and i am finally getting over a girl i dated for two years even though i think alot about how if only things were so diffrent.Its so easy to ask yourself the what if questions....Life isnt sraight forward and simple all the time and you make descisions based on how you feel at the time.Hindsight is a glorious thing...but its its just not logical im afraid.Everyone makes mistakes..and we can only try and learn from them.I know this girls means alot to you and it may seem to you that there is no chance you and her getting back together.I wouldnt chase her and you have to respect her new boyfriend and her current relationship..and she will respect you for this.Time is a healer and things will improve .If i were you i would give her a bit of space but keep it positive with her...its out of your hands now i think and its up to her to make the next step...if she knows how you feel about her she may have second thoughts..who knows.Just dont chase her..try and keep positve by keeping busy with friends etc.Believe me things are hard now but who knows what tomorow may bring.

[Hopingpraying]

Pete,

 

I know what you are going through man. It doesn't make it easier but I do feel your pain. Like Whoopsie said it won't do you any good to chase her. At the same time you could send her an email or write her a letter telling her how you know you screwed up and you hope in the future you can be friends. At least that leaves the door open.

 

If she doesn't respond don't despair. And if she does don't get all giddy about it. She probably has moved on and loves another. She may breakup with him in the future and you will then have your chance. But I wouldn't wait around for that either.

 

Good luck man. I do wish you luck.