flyer Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 My ex and I separated back before Christmas, it has been over for a while just took a while for us to admit it to one another. We had been together on and off 7 years. Anyway fast forward a few days after the break-up and a mutual male friend of ex and mine contacted me. We just talked allot via SMS & IM for a few weeks and then we decided to get together etc. We get along very well, find each other attractive and have plenty of chemistry. The thing is I told this guy I didn't want a relationship yet, I need time etc to be myself for a while and to find who I really am. My ex is making things very difficult, he knows that I am seeing this guy and keeps sticking his nose in, the thing is unfortuantly the ex and I still own a house together which is proving very annoying he is acting like a child and being difficult. He has since moved on with another woman also which I have left him to it, that is his business. So me and this other guy, seem to be falling for one another. I can't control my feelings for him and he has told me he feels the same, he has shown me far more respect than what my ex ever has done. Is it too soon, or should I just let things roll along as slowely as possible, due to work and other committments it is proving hard enough to see one another more than a couple of times a week as it is. I don't know what to do..I am in 2 minds, leave him and live my life (which is hard because I really do care for him) or give things a go.. I guess I have nothing to lose, but other opinions would be appreciated! Thankyou. Link to comment
real_life_101 Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 You should probably get some mental help. I dont know how old you are, but if you have not figured out who you are yet there is a problem, if your older that is. Respect in relationships, everyone has different views. Yeah the new guy may be showing more respect, but everything is new right now. I am sure both guys are respectable guys, but by what your doing right now, you do not deserve to be respected. If you want to be respected you must respect people. Link to comment
flyer Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'm almost 30 years old and I am a very well grounded person, I certainly do not need mental help. And tell me how is what I have written disrepectfull? Oh and I certainly know who I am, I just wanted to be my own person for a while without the pressure of a relationship. Sorry if that didn't sound like that in my initial post. Link to comment
redhearts Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 You said you weren't ready for a relationship, yet you sort of just got into one or one that could lead to one. So you need to either back down and take some time. OR you can work on this and know that it will be hard. Link to comment
Dmd Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 You should probably get some mental help. I dont know how old you are, but if you have not figured out who you are yet there is a problem, if your older that is. Respect in relationships, everyone has different views. Yeah the new guy may be showing more respect, but everything is new right now. I am sure both guys are respectable guys, but by what your doing right now, you do not deserve to be respected. If you want to be respected you must respect people. If there is anyone that deserves to not be respected it's you for insulting and disrespecting this poster for simply putting her feelings out there and asking for advice. I'd recommend just being honest with this man about how you feel. If you think it may be to soon, let him know, try to work something out together, and both ease in gradually. The ex is of course going to have some left over jealousy. He loved you, you loved him, and the fact that it's a mutual friend probably doesn't make the situation easier. I would personally feel the guy was friends with me just waiting for the break up and to pounce. So, maybe he's feeling some insecurity there. But, you can't not fall for someone, it's not a choice really. Communication is always the answer if you ask me, I'd sit them both down individually and talk to them about the situation and try to come to an agreement. Link to comment
flyer Posted January 31, 2009 Author Share Posted January 31, 2009 Thanks so much. Yes the current guy and I are very open with everything. He totally understands where I am coming from, he went through it all himself 12 months ago after his break up of a long term relationship. I have tried speaking to my ex very rationally but he insists on making it hard for me and the other guy. Why can't life be simple hey! Link to comment
D_Lish Posted January 31, 2009 Share Posted January 31, 2009 I'd give it a go with him. Kinda sounds to me that you are somewhat over the ex anyway....which was quick btw and especially considering you shared 7 years with him. If only it were that easy for everybody eh....lol The ex just sounds jealous. Link to comment
flyer Posted February 1, 2009 Author Share Posted February 1, 2009 Yes well the way my ex has been acting is certainly making it far easier to get over him faster! This is the 2nd time we have broken up, the 1st time was way harder this time I can see that is the right thing and actually see that he did me a favour by leaving, I didn't want to live the rest of my life with him with kind of relationship we had, he was my 1st real love and I would say I just didn't know any different, but now I can see both sides of it all. I do indeed deserve far better than what I was getting. So anyway off to have take away with the other guy tonight, just a nice relaxed evening Link to comment
flyer Posted February 2, 2009 Author Share Posted February 2, 2009 Well we had a great night again last night. Talked & laughed allot, was really really nice. The timing might not be all that great with all that is happening, but hey you only live once I guess and so friends etc keep telling me, I have nothing to lose. Link to comment
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