flyer
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Hi well I will say go for it! Just see how things go, life is too short to sit wondering 'what if'. Im 4 1/2 years older than my boyfriend and we had been together for 5 years. We had a break for 3 months due to issues not related to the age thing, we are back together now and have never, ever been this happy! Most people assume I am younger then my OH anyway! I love him to death and I wouldn't have it any other way.. Goodluck with it!
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If you can remain open with one another it does help a great deal. Be honest about who each of you are seeing etc. It is hard at first to get past the whole jealousy thing, but it does get easier and you learn to accept that each of you are your own person and you can do what ever you like. 5 years is alot to throw away, if you have to do this to save your relationship - then do it. It will take time, but hopefully things will work themselves out. Be patient, but don't lose who you are. Learn to be yourself for a while and you will be a better person for it. Life is too short not to take these chances!
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Relationships can get so COMPLICATED!!!
flyer replied to Japanfreak05's topic in Relationship Advice
Well that is making the person who you want them to be and not accepting who they are. If you truly love this person then you will accept that they 'arn't the romantic type', in some cases actions speak louder than words, but those actions dont have to be obvious actions. Little things like doing things off their own back are the ones I appreciate, I know that my partner loves me just by his way of affection towards me and little jokes he makes about me. That is what I appreciate about my partner and he makes me LAUGH! Accept him for who he is and you might notice a difference.. -
Hi there. I can relate to your situation. My BF of 5 years and I separated in August this year, we also have shared alot of firsts together including buying a house together. We were basically stuck in a rut in our relationship, we both honestly thought things were completely over between us even though we both saw each a couple of times a week and were still good friends, everything was very amicable. So basically I thought the only thing to do if I do love him is to let him go and do what he likes and if he comes back, he comes back if he doesn't well we will both get over it and move on. I wasn't sure if I still loved him for a while there and I also slept with other guys just to see that it was him I really wanted to be with, it took me a while to realise that it was him I wanted to be with! He was also the same, realised that he wanted to be with me. So we decided in early Novemeber to take things slow with one another to make sure we both want the same things, everything has been going perfectly, we have been having the time of our lives together, things were really put into perspective. Just last weekend we had the most awesome time togther, for the first time in months the big Love word came out and now things are just perfect! We spent hours just chatting. I have never, ever felt this good about 'us' in the whole 5 years we had been together! It was amazing and we are now closer than ever, I have never been this close to anyone.. it is truly amazing So my advice to you is to let your partner go, if you love them you will do that. I know it is as hard as hell, but believe me it will be for the best. Dont wait around forever, but do keep that door open, tell them that really tell them that. I did and it worked, and I really hope things will work out for you. Goodluck with it all, and please keep us posted..
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Thanks Caro Just done with blabbering today I think! Nah you wont be getting rid of me that easily, I think I will be coming here a fair bit to share my thoughts and ask for advice on this whole 'getting back together' thing ! It is hard, but I coped and got over the breakup quicker than I ever imagined, got over the whole being jealous of him while we were apart thing fairly quickly also, I know I can work on this little thing,lol ! I know I will get there its just hard at the moment. I think to myself, why am I doing it and putting myself through it, because I know in the end it will all work out.. I let him go and he came back... so that must be a sign that we are meant to be together
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I wasn't sure a few weeks back if I did really love him, after everything? But I think this just prooves I do, I can't get him out of my head. Possibly also I am a little more emotional/worried than usual as I am waiting on test results as follow up from surgery to remove a tumour 3 months ago.. so yeah that is kinda playing on my mind a bit and just making everything else seem much worse than what it is.. Thanks for listening, think im done with my blabbering Cheers!
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Well the night ended a little differently from what I was expecting I didn't end up going out, he text me and said he was tired and wasn't far off going home, he ended up at a mates and stayed there the night after a few beverages - so yeah I had nothing to worry about it ended up being a blokes night anyway! He came and visited and stayed Sat night, we didn't talk about it, I thought to myself that it is me that has the whole trust issue thing and im the one that has to work on myself, making myself believe in myself and him. He ended up bringing the night before up and told me what he did and who was there, I really dont know why I worry so much... !!! LOL! Anyway, im working on myself and will get through it all fine. We get along so well and he keeps doing little things that im really noticing, like making breakfast, helping me with a few things around the house. As they say actions speak louder than words.. im noticing him again, realising he is his own person and I can't and don't want to change that, he is the one wanting to make things work, I am too and I dont want to rush it.. Its so hard not to rush things, but that was our problem right from the very start (5 years ago). Sorry for my blabbering, but it feels so much better to write (or type) these things.. We will get there, it will take time, but I know we can do it... these things take time
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Yes it is good that there are a few of us sharing this timezone! Anyway, spoke to the SO a little while ago. I asked him if he wanted to come for drinks and he said he couldn't as he is booked in for dinner with his other friends, which I totally understand. However he said he will message me once they have all finished dinner so I can go out with them afterward! Ahhhh, relief that has made my day... I didn't pressure him, he came out with that suggestion, so im happy that he has realised my feelings and is willing to make some kind of effort to include me.. much happier girl now! I really think I do read into some things too much at times, but yes it is early days for us still, so I guess its natural
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Thanks Caro.. He hasn't responded as yet to my little 'Ultimatum’, so im guessing he is busy. So I just sent a text for him to call or come and see me after work. Hmmmm. Actually a friend of mine (male) just emailed asked me to go for drinks tonight, I may even go, just to keep my mind off things!
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Hi Silent. We are sort of together, even though he hasn't moved back in or anything as yet.. Had the chat about not seeing anyone else, etc. I haven't given him my heart back or anything like that, we are just going along steadily to make sure we both want the same things.. Yeah I possibly should be a bit more relaxed about it all, but being a sensitive girl who doesn't want to get hurt again, I am trying to be rational about it all and learn to be 'cool' and accept his decision. Its a trust exercise and I just have to trust him, thats all it comes down too..
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We are texting at the moment. He says he does see it from my point of view. But he also wants me to see it from his also. I said to him that I would like to come along, and if not that he spends a few hours there and then we catch up later on. No response as yet. But I am a little more comfortable with it so far.. I dont mind if he go's, I just need that peace of mind as this is a big trust test and I know he wants me to trust him and I really want too also - I have had trust issues in the past, especially up until we broke up. He trusts me 100%, but why cant I seem to get over that little barrier, yes its early days but I do love him very much and I really, really want to make it work for us..
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Thankyou everyone for your thoughts on all of this. I have had a thinka bout it all and actually saw a close friend of mine in town at lunch and she said 'it will be all fine', which made me think ok, perhaps its not that bad afterall in some ways! I have thought about a bit today and I am going to send him a text along the lines that our relationship is too fragile at the moment, pushing that kind of thing this early in our reconcilitation is a risk and I don't feel comfortable with it, I do not want to cause any fights I want to be adult about it all and work through these little glitches, if we start with working on these things now it will a good bases for future glitches and how we deal with them. I would be happy for him to go and as Caro suggested, and that we meet up afterwards. I know for sure if that happened, it would be so much peace of mind for me..
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Thanks Scout.. We are still living apart etc, so not officially back together, but we did have the 'talk' last week that we will no see other people from then on, and he assured me that he is not going to go out and be 'unfaithful' to me. He still wants to go out and party for a while, I can understand that, but I told him as long as I can tag along also. I have to believe him and I do. But this thing this weekend is totally different, I am upset that I wasn't asked.. When I did ask 'am I invited' he just came straight out with 'no', but in a non serious way? I know things are going to be bumpy for us getting things back on track, they were going so well the last few weeks, this has seemed to have stuffed things up a bit..!
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Thanks everyone for your replies. I really want to make things work between us. So I was hoping you guys could sort of point me in the right direction now as to how I can go about dealing with this. After reading everyone's replies I am determined that I do and should go with him now.. Also by all means he should have asked me to go in the first place... Thanks..
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Hi all, been a while since I posted but I just have a bit of an issue I need some thoughts on. My BF and I broke up about 3 months ago and we have recently decided to try again and take things slowely for a while and see how thing go, things have been going fantastic! We had been together 5 years before that so know each other pretty well, and we shared alot of firsts together! However my BF wants to go out this weekend to a friends birthday of his who is also a girl, I don't know her. A few of the girls he had casually dated while we were broken up will also be there and of course some of his blokey mates! He doesn't want me to go because of the fact that he would feel uncomfortable with the whole situation. He says he would trust me in the same situation and I know I can trust him. Personally I dont want to go either because of these girls etc! But do you think it sounds fair, I know it is a trust exercise (I mean he did break up with me in the first place) I am still a little insecure about 'us' still as it will take a while for things to mend. Just after some thoughts... Thanks for listening