Uncertainty still lingers *please give advice*

[loner82]

It has been quite a while since I have posted. After a while my life had seemed to settle and all hurt and anger that lingered after my breakup had subsided. Suddenly the new year came and then bam! A resurgence of questions suddenly came back into my head.

 

I don't know what happened but suddenly the old feelings began to haunt me. It has been a year and half since I have seen or spoke to my ex and I have begun feeling angry and sad too. Again I felt lonely and pissed of because all around me it seems as though everyone who has had a relationship break down they all seem to have some sort of closure or justice brought to them. But with me it seems as though I am doomed to be the loser who got dumped for another, and in addition I always have this lingering feeling of how happy and lucky my ex is because: 1)he is not alone, he has someone to love 2) he doesn't have any feelings of guilt or doesn't even remember me. Inside my head I always have something racing in my head, it's non stop and annoying.

 

Sometimes I try to recgonize the good things in my life such as: I only have one year left till I get my degree, my family but then I think that doesn't equal what he has in his life. In conclusion...I envy him. I wish I was able to not think about him anymore...and I didn't for awhile until now! And I don't know how to just see the good things in my life. I am emotionally in limbo. Is this normal after almost a year and half later to feel this way after a breakup? Will I ever get closure or does it even exist? and even If i did get closure would i even recgonize it if it were knocking at my door? Is my ex really happy as I think he is?

[raggamuffin]

Reading your post really has struck a cord with me. Why?? Well because that is exactly how I feel right at this very moment in time. Our stories are identical down to the one and a half years since the break up. I too am envious of my ex, not because I want him back but because hes got what I want someone to love and be loved by. And it is so unfair because surely after cheating on me and breaking my heart I should be the one who finds happiness. I convinced myself for so long that I would be happy before him and I would find love and he would want me back. Life has not tuned out like that AT all. Its not fair. I dont know what closure is in my situation. I was watching a movie last night and there was a conversation between a grandma and a grand daughter was taking place. The granddaughter was explaining to the grandma that her first love was over. What really struck me was that the grandother said a first love is never over. God how sad and pathetic it occurred that maybe I will never have closure or ever get over it. I really really relate to what you are saying and maybe we can try and work this out together.

[raggamuffin]

I forgot to ask. How long were the two of you together, and why did you break up?

[loner82]

Hey Raggamuffin,

It is so reassuring knowing that I am not alone in this situation. Well me and my ex were together for 3 years and he broke up with me to be with the girl he was cheating with for a while. Now I try to tell myself that I am happy for him because he is happy. I want to forget about all this and never think about it again.....

[Ladee-Jennifer]

i understand where ur coming from. Im having the same exact problem.

my ex broke up with me a year ago. Im so angry at him sometimes. aNd other times i find myself upset. . a year later here i am today.the worst thing about it is he's in my class.and he tells me everything. hes about to hook up with one of my close friends. and during the day i find my self getting angry or feeling as if im about to shed a tear. i feel lonely sometimes and i feel as if i wont be able to ever have someone to love.so dun worry it is normal.and as for closure i dun have a answer for that. me myself has not even found closure.all i noe is time heals all wounds.G0oD luCK .

[raggamuffin]

I know that feeling happy for someone whom you hate and love at the same time is hard. I got an email from my ex this morning saying that he isnt as happy with this new girl as he was. I am like well make up your mind then. Dont tell me its great and get me all tied up about it and then say oops false alarm. When my ex broke up with me all he pretty much gave me was the "its not you its me excuse" do you know what that means?? Im still trying to find out. When I ask my ex about it all he says is "why do you always ask hard questions" Its not a maths exam! I think that even if closure was banging at more door i wouldnt know what it was. And maybe I would ignore it because in a way i dont think i want to let go.

[Tears May Fall]

i guess i can put myself in the same shoes as you people...as its been a year and half since my ex broke up with me as well and i still occasionally do feel the lingering and confusion and everything else along with these sort of dilemma's. Well my situation was different, as i was the cheater two years into the relationship, and it was a terrible mistake and i realized my mistake and apologized ALOT and my ex took me back and gave me a second chance, but after another year, things just wouldnt work and she broke up with me and then started going out with someone else in a very short time...it broke my heart but there was nuthing i can do about it...they broke up then and we started talkin again but it never got anywhere, and ever since we stopped talking for the last time, i really dont know much of her life as i put the no contact rule into effect, except im pretty sure she has another b/f and is happy and i feel similar as you people do

i cant seem to like anyone new to a point where i actually want to start a REAL relationship with them, where i have a commitment and look forward to something. Im still stuck in the past somewhere and dont know how to quite unhook myself...being hurt once, prevents me from moving forward just because im afraid of being hurt again, so i just kinda dangle around like a puppet until someone can come along and cut my strings free...

[icut]

i once heard this from an older person than my self it is a kinda mantra to say over and over to yourself.goes like this "i forgive myselfand release the past with love,and let it go.as to closure thing maybe the people you were in love with feel no need to give closure so they can have you on the "hook" so to speak.as a soft place to possibly fall back to if they fail at thier currentsituation/relationship.i am not sure as i am new to this sort of thing.and i am trying to impliment all this stuff into my own life.i feel sad for all of you that you have no closure or feel you don't have it.start standing with your shoulders back chin up and a nice smile on your face.take time and do stuff for you and only you.

 

if your person you love is not coming back to you hard as it may be you my let it go and get on with your lives.sorry if my words seem harsh but don't live in limbo it is a terrible place to be

 

 

Kenny

[dartanian lives]

For ever asked about the "its me, not you excuse" --- i have found this to be a cheap shot to cover up their guilt. see the reason they left you really was no reason at all. they left usually out of boredom or vanity (etc) which definitely is no reason to put you in the painful situation you are in right now. as for how to deal with that, i am unsure. i have been broken up for a month today (i count ... lame), and my girlfriend left me out of the above two reasons. in my personal experience whether they mean the "i need to answer the what if questions in my life" or not, they have this surreal feeling of guilt and love for you that they just want to let go. confusion plays a huge factor into this equation as well. as for advice, there really isnt any. they are trying to move on to greener pastures but are unsure if the decision will be correct or not. so if i were you (whoever posted the question) have some friends over, hang out. laugh as hard as you can, and when you think of your ex just think of how much better off you are without them. i mean come on! who wants to be with someone who leaves you for no reason. this person has much growing up to do, and doesnt understand relationships at all.