21 days of NC.

[whattheeff]

Today will be the 21st day of NC. She was the last person to initiate contact on NYE's via text but I did not respond.

 

I am doing a lot better, the feeling in my stomach is gone, my appetite is normal and she does not cross my mind as much. It has definitely been an emotional rollercoaster, but NC has definitely been helping.

 

Heres the thing though... I now have this strong urge to contact her, or for her to contact me... which I have never really had before. Although I missed her terribly I just didnt even want to talk to her. But for some reason, even though I am missing her less, I really want to call her and Im not sure why.

 

Anyone experiencing something similar?

[beejcee]

as time goes by, it will surprise you how some days nc is easier and some days it's not.

i have felt the same way, too.

 

i went 90 days with nc with my spouse when i filed for divorce. those were the hardest days of my life and i felt exactly how you described. it's sure not an easy thing.

 

did you ever notice that things that are the best for you are often the things that are the most difficult to do? saving money, eating right, regular exercise.... same thing with nc. it's hard work... sometimes you really have to fight those feelings. hang in there.

[peace_lily]

Yes, 45 days NC and I feel quite similar-- very confused as to why I keep thinking about him when really all I want to do is move on with my life.

 

My guess is that you feel "safer" and "stronger" now so you feel like contacting her wouldn't jeopardize your emotional state. After all, you liked her for some reason and it's natural to want to be around people you like when you start forgetting the bad stuff. But just because it's natural doesn't mean it's healthy.

 

For my part and I hope it helps you, I think I feel this way for two reasons:

 

(1) he wrote me at Christmas, which was a reminder that he was not dead, he was still a jerk, he was still a nice person, he still thought I was a good person (even though in my last contact with him I said some things that were not very nice).

 

I found this all very contradictory and confusing. It was easier to hate him when he wasn't trying to be nice. And hate /fear of him hurting me more was really motivating the NC. So NC became harder.

 

He was never mean or unkind to me during our relationship, but our breakup was bad and he said some awful stuff.

 

(2) we had a natural disaster where I live recently and I was very concerned that he would be caught in it (due to geographical reasons) and hurt physically or that his friends would be caught in it and he would be hurt emotionally.

 

This was really hard for me as it was a reminder of how much I still cared about him. It's hard to forget. I pretty much think about him constantly, except when I'm at the gym.

 

Here's what I do to cope:

(1) I am trying to focus on the awful stuff (and listening to a lot of Lily Allen) in order to stay NC.

 

(2) I go to the gym a lot, even though I am not athletic or sports inclined. Anything that gets me out of my head is pretty much a good thing.

 

(3) I try to remind myself that while I could not control the breakup (I was the dumpee), I can control whether I talk to him or not. Not talking to him doesn't keep me company, doesn't make me dinner, doesn't kiss me or take care of me when my car breaks down. But it does make me feel like my life is not some force being acted out on me, that I have some control over my future and my ability to find happiness in the future, even if I am unhappy right now.

 

(4) Sometimes I just have to call a friend in order to keep NC. I don't tell them what I'm doing, I just ask a whole lot about their life until I am thinking about their life and not about mine.

 

I believe in NC and I believe in ENA. Keep going and keep posting. I believe that we can all do this if we support each other.

[cookiedough1]

I'm about 20 days NC too. I was working through the night at my job last night and the last few days have been pretty good. But suddenly, it was around midnight, and I had the strongest urge to call my ex. Thankfully, I called a friend and stopped myself. But, I felt all those feelings that I felt right after the initial breakup. I felt so weak, so powerless. I hate the rollercoasters

 

I really want to contact him, but i'm doing everything i can to stop myself. I think I keep assuming that he's totally over it and it pisses me off that I'm the only one suffering.

 

Sigh.

 

Keep strong ENA folks!