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Don't Get It


HockeyFan

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I feel like my heart has been ripped out - yet I know I wasn't in love with her. Had to see her again today, to exchange things we had of each others - it was a brief visit, but it really did me in. Hearing and seeing her so bubbly and telling me about her plans for today and tonight, it was like a knife into my chest.

 

I know I dont want to be with her - and she was the one who ended it. So why am I hurting so much? Why do women want to "keep in touch" after dating a few months. Yes, we got close - and maybe it's just because I hurt right now that I'm saying this (because the thought makes me feel stupid and weak) but I really don't want to talk to her or have her call me every couple of days to "catch up".

 

I know the pain goes away - I know this gets better - but right now, it's ripping me apart inside. It doesn't help that I"m home tonight, nothing to do and nowhere really to go - so knowing she's out having a blast and I"m here by myself doesn't help matters.

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You're hurting because you've been rejected. When someone dumps you you think they are saying 'I don't want you because you're not good enough'

 

That hurts. I suggest you go NC, and try to keep busy when you can. I know what you mean about having nowhere to be and nothing really to do. I'm having one of those weekends and it can feel painfully lonely. If you can, get out and do something, even if just by yourself.

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Look, I got dumped and I was going out and partying - he was sitting home alone. No, it doesn't feel better - because I kept thinking that I'd rather stay home and watch the most boring tv show with him than be here partying like a rockstar with all those fun people.

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If you don't want to be with her and you aren't in love with her, yet you feel like you heart has been torn out it may be that you have some internal worth issues that are causing you to feel like you need to be with someone in order to feel more whole as a person. On the other hand it may not be that at all, only you can figure that out.

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Hence why I'm confused and struggling with this. The last few women I've dated, after seeing each other for a few months and the relationship comes to an end, regardless of how I feel for them, I go through this. I know the ego gets hit when you get dumped - and a big part of the problem with me I think is that I am usually never the one who does the breaking up...instead, I kind of withdraw - think things will get better, possibly, eventually, then it ends (their decision) and I get crushed. I don't know what to make of it.....

 

We all want to be loved, wanted, desired by someone - and I know I want to find someone, have something special with someone. In a few weeks time, if she stays out of the picture - I'll feel fine again, I know I will. But it's the NOW - it's this stupid thought process that goes on in my head that really messes with me. I want her to be happy, I backed off - withdrew - did my same stupid routine....then when she said she had her doubts, that it's not going to work, I get hurt. That's messed up.

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Trying is half the battle.

One things that helped me was talking to one of my last ex's/exes (however you spell it) and specifically asking her what internal characterisitcs she saw in me that she wasn't too in to....It gave me some good insight because she gave constructive criticism. Maybe you can give that a try.

 

In any event at least you are putting yourslef out there. Don't give up...

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I did exactly that, actually - when this first started, I asked if we could talk just so I could have closure, understand why she felt things couldn't work - what she felt was wrong. She proceeded to tell me how great I was, that she really really likes me and that there was absolutely not a single thing wrong with me. She felt we didn't have as much in common as we (she) first thought - and then continued to tell me things that didn't make sense. She thought it was an issue that there were some tv shows I liked ot watch that she didn't like. Her reasoning was just all over the place - and during the entire conversation, she kept saying she didn't want ot make a mistake - she didn't know how she felt. The things about me that did bother her weren't actually valid things at all - she assumed, assumed to the point that she just went an convinced herself that's the way it is - the way I am. example: we both enjoy watching the show Dexter, so one night a week we try to make dinner at my house and watch the show together. That was one of her complaints, that I liked to watch tv - but she doesn't really watch that much tv....but that was the only show we watched, and it was her request (if I dared watch it without her, she got upset).

 

Fine - so she wasn't the right one. Obviously - since it ended. I guess i'm trying to figure me out...confused at how my relationships go and in 6 years, haven't had a relationship last longer than 4 months. I'm trying to understand why...

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