dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Some of you know my story, but here's the email I got this a.m. from my ex. Normally I would have been very happy to get this, but that wasn't the feeling. Do I even acknowledge it? Quick sidebar, I sent him a very civil email yesterday after ignoring some texts regarding my kids...felt it was fair. Asked HIM to acknowledge, and he never responded to it! Here's what he said: Dear ME, You are the most loving and the best friend. You can be fearless and you are steadfast. You are selfless, generous, intelligent, stylish, funny, fun, and incredibly soulful. You are possessed of this unique and stunning beauty that comes from within and shines through you and it literally takes my breath away. It takes everyone's breath away. I am sure you know today how loved you are by your friends, by your family, by (my 2 kids). I want you to know that you are loved by me. Today is too important and you are too important for you not to know that. You are an incredibly special person and you deserve love, happiness, appreciation, devotion, respect, and admiration. All of it. I wish you the happiest birthday filled with friends, family, love, and laughter. With love, x Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pumpkinmoon Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Not sure of your story but it sounds like he still cares a lot about you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jettison Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I would DETEST an email like that. Maybe it's just my style, but it sounds like a lot of fluffy, flowery, BS. He may actually feel those things about you, but it has no air of realness about it at all. I hate that sheet. It just doesn't come accross as honest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fleck1234 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I also think it is a little over the top but thoughtful none the less. My ex did the same thing and I don't know if I should appreciate the gesture or be mad at the contact. I believe that most ex's do it for the right reasons and we should all take a birthday wish as just that, a wish for a happy day. Reading too much into his/her thought process is futile IMO. One thing you can take from it is that he is still thinking of you. Happy Birthday also Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blue_dahlia Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 In the past, has he written to you the same way? Is this email typical of his character? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 He loves you, but not in THAT way. He is telling you that you are wonderful but he just didn't see the relationship working. I have sent the same sort of thing when I wanted someone I broke up with to know it was nothing they did, they are wonderful people, I just did not think I could make a relationship work with them. It's not bs, it's just a different kind of love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FloatingAnchor Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I would DETEST an email like that. Maybe it's just my style, but it sounds like a lot of fluffy, flowery, BS. He may actually feel those things about you, but it has no air of realness about it at all. I hate that sheet. It just doesn't come accross as honest. Yeah, I'm cynical like that. I think it's heartfelt. He didn't gain anything by sending it. dstein, I would send a quick e-mail/text with just "thanks." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 In the past, has he written to you the same way? Is this email typical of his character? He said plenty of kind things to me but rarely expressed things in writing. I am the big writer! On fact, it always bugged me that he didn't express things that way more. So, on character? Not really. But there was an air of "I love you but I'm not in love with you" vibe to it...bit maybe I am overthinking it. He is not the flowery fluffy type at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 He loves you, but not in THAT way. He is telling you that you are wonderful but he just didn't see the relationship working. I have sent the same sort of thing when I wanted someone I broke up with to know it was nothing they did, they are wonderful people, I just did not think I could make a relationship work with them. It's not bs, it's just a different kind of love. So the rationale behind the breakup, that it was about my exhusband drama and kids etc...it was because he no longer loved me that way, even though he told me I was the love of his life...true, right? I am just kidding myself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shemo Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I wouldn't read too much into it. Don't set yourself for anything. Send him a simple thank you and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I sent a text that read "thank you for the birthday email. I'd you could acknowledge that you got my email yesterday I would appreciate it". My heart hurts. Now it just feels like perfunctory crap and I am angry that he started off my big 4-0 with tears. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I would have been very happy to get ANY email from my ex on my b-day, especially one like that. I disagree with the others about it sounding insincere (although I don't know him). If he didn't care, he wouldn't have sent anything. Part of me WAS thrilled, but it also seemed imappropriate since he knows how deeply I am affected by him, and how much I love and care about him. Wish he had just said "have a great day, you are a great person"...all those sentiments hurt since he has chosen not to be with me and is in fact in a LDR with a woman compng to see him from his past! NC is much easier. I am starting to really get that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 Dstein, I hear what you are saying, but I would think you would feel MUCH worse had he never acknowledged it. Tell me I am wrong? But I don't think so. I don't care if he is with that woman or not. He is not in love with her or he would not be contacting you. Men in happy relationships do not contact ex's (as I know too well). I don't know if this makes you feel better or not, but he still has feelings for you. Oh, I believe he cares about and probably still loves me-we only broke up in December. She contacted him a week before he left me...I don't think he ever got over her and it had been 12 years...he is choosing to pursue this with her to find out. She is in Europe. Coming here in February apparently. They aren't "together" yet. It just really messed with me. We were NC for 2 weeks until he tried calling me Monday. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 ARe you sure you guys don't have a chance for reconciliation? If she contacted him AFTER the split and he still loves you....I dunno, seems like it shouldn't end? She contacted him a week before the split! We have had a rough 18 months...his dad died, business is failing, issues with my kids and crappy ex-husband...he was frustrated and becoming unhappy with the SITUATION, but our private relationship always felt solid. I think he took the easy way out-the idea that he could live out a simpler and less complicated life and run off to Europe to fantasyland! Crazy but true-I do think there could be a reconcilliation down the road but there is a lot of growing up to do there and healing here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servedcold Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 That Email shaved 5 points off my IQ, down to 85 now because of your ex, makes me want to sit around and make fart noises in my hands, gonna lose my job for sure now, why o why did I read it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thedude27 Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Personally I would have liked to get that from my ex, its probably a way to mitigate his guilt and throw you a bone so to speak. On top of that he knows he hurt you and probably wants to make you feel better about it. Of course I'd probably be my normal smartass self and respond with a "well then you must be really dumb to have left. lol" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 He would not have done so out of guilt. One would not send an email like that if it wasn't still there. Would you (if you didn't still have feelings for the ex)? I wouldn't. No, he still has strong feelings for her. I just came home to flowers on my doorstep, my favorite, and a card that was similar to the email...Today is too important not to share with you in some way. I send you love and hope for a happy birthday with family and friends.... How about WITH A MAN THAT LOVES YOU ENOUGH TO MARRY YOU????????? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rapunzel Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 Wow, he doesn't know when to stop. He's going over the top a bit. He clearly cares for you and some of it may be to lessen his own guilt. If he ignored your 40th birthday, he may think you would never forgive him. I received a handwritten card on 12/29 from my ex, 4 months after break up. I was really thrown for a loop, he's never written or sent me anything. I feel it was done out of guilt and to make amends but he said some pretty heavy stuff. So I was confused but he hasn't followed up with any other concrete action so I'm just assuming he sent the card for himSELF, to make himSELF feel better....more than for me. But of course I really have no idea what motivated him to send it. Only he knows. I might send a card to an ex if it was their birthday even if I did not have strong feelings. I don't think I would go to the lengths that your ex did. Most people have some feelings for their ex, even if they are warm fuzzy friend type feelings. I'm sorry you are going through this. You don't know what the future holds so try not to project or worry, hard as that may be. I think the best thing is to try to detach from any outcome and know you'll be OK no matter what. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstein Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thank you for that. The day got even weirder-his mom left me a voicemail and then he and I had a funny (haha) conversation I initiated by saying thank you for the flowers on stupid Facebook IM ending with I miss you's...and then I signed off immediately. So the good news is that that is now the last conversation we had, for us both to remember...now I am going off radar until the time comes that he contacts me again. And now for the moment I feel relieved instead of sad, not because I heard from him but because my heart feels a little freer and a little less broken...I feel like I have taken the high road and stayed true to MYSELF at every turn and that is liberating. While I may miss him like crazy right now-it still REALLY hurts after 5 weeks-I know I will be ok, with or without him. Happy birthday indeed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rapunzel Posted January 9, 2009 Share Posted January 9, 2009 I'm glad you are feeling better and relieved. It's good to end things on a note that you are comfortable with. And you are doing the right thing to not contact him....stay strong and let him come to you. And 5 weeks is nothing after the kind of relationship you had with this man....be patient and kind to yourself. I spent way too much time beating myself up, doing the "coulda shoulda wouldas" after my break up and you sound very strong. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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