gundr1kr Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 My ex and I were friends for three years before we tried a relationship. We were together for 6 months and he broke up with me a month ago because he told me he wasnt 100% into me and "wasnt in love with me anymore". When we broke up I told him that I accepted it and that I was going to move on and I couldnt be friends with him. He told me that he really wanted to have a friendship - and I told him it wasnt even a possibility (four separate times). For one month now he tries contacting me - trying to get him to answer back. However, he is never saying like "i miss you" or "I want you back". I know he plays games. From a guys perspective, what could be going on here? He knows I wont be his friend because I have made this extremelely obvious. He knows I want a relationship and will not stand for anything less. Why would he continue to contact me? What is he trying to get from it? Is there a chance yall think he is confused and he doesnt want me to forget about him in case we get back together? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I know you wanted advice from a guy's perspective, but I've been in your shoes before, so I thought I'd put my 2cents in anyway... A few things could be going on here: 1) He does truly care about you, but he realized that he wants you as a friend rather than a gf. 2) He wants to keep you around while he fools around or talks to another girl--in case it fails, then you're still around. 3) He wants you to be his friend with benefits, or something similar. 4) He realizes he's changing his mind & wants you back. Either way, it's good that you're standing your ground. If you know you can't be friends with him, just let him know once and for all that you're done, & that there's no point in him constantly calling you. If he's that persistent, ignoring him isn't going to help. Link to comment
FloatingAnchor Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'm not a guy, but from my experience, your last line definitely makes a valid point. My ex, the dumper, broke NC a couple times and even explicitly told me that he didn't want me to meet another guy and forget him, even though he couldn't give me a true relationship. Don't get hung up on secondguessing his motives. If he really wants to get you back, you'll know about it, don't worry about that. Anything else is just an attempt to keep you as an option while he figures things out or looks for something better. Either way, it's not fair to you. Try to stay in NC. Link to comment
looking_up Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I went through the exact same situation. Only because we had been friends for so long before we dated I made the mistake of giving in the the friendship after break up - it ended MISERABLY when he moved to the next girl. At first I thought it was #2 or #3 from phychgirlys post. But in actuality he just really liked being liked - being everyone's buddy, he got high off it. That's why I believe he pushed so hard to be friends still, he couldn't stand someone not liking him. You're doing the right thing, keep standing your ground. You know whats right for you. Link to comment
gundr1kr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I know you wanted advice from a guy's perspective, but I've been in your shoes before, so I thought I'd put my 2cents in anyway... A few things could be going on here: 1) He does truly care about you, but he realized that he wants you as a friend rather than a gf. 2) He wants to keep you around while he fools around or talks to another girl--in case it fails, then you're still around. 3) He wants you to be his friend with benefits, or something similar. 4) He realizes he's changing his mind & wants you back. Either way, it's good that you're standing your ground. If you know you can't be friends with him, just let him know once and for all that you're done, & that there's no point in him constantly calling you. If he's that persistent, ignoring him isn't going to help. Thanks for the reply PsychGirly... I completely understand number 1 could be going on...however, I have told my ex FOUR times...you would think he would be foolish to continue trying to be my friend..Right??! He really cant be that slow! Regarding two and three...I hope he doesnt think I am that stupid. He knows I am a pretty smart woman that wont take his bull****. I would never ever be someone that would be "on the side" while he continues to look. If he has changed his mind....he is confusing me and irritating me at the same time. I just dont get it. I do have times when I miss and would like him back. I am just unsure what to think. The whole situation is pretty confusing. Thanks for the reply!!! Link to comment
gundr1kr Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 I went through the exact same situation. Only because we had been friends for so long before we dated I made the mistake of giving in the the friendship after break up - it ended MISERABLY when he moved to the next girl. At first I thought it was #2 or #3 from phychgirlys post. But in actuality he just really liked being liked - being everyone's buddy, he got high off it. That's why I believe he pushed so hard to be friends still, he couldn't stand someone not liking him. You're doing the right thing, keep standing your ground. You know whats right for you. uhhh...seriously! I bolded the sentence that made me think...I guess it is a possibility that he hates the fact that I wont give into his games and that I dont like him as a person right now. I guess this could be a reason...hmmm? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Thanks for the reply PsychGirly... I completely understand number 1 could be going on...however, I have told my ex FOUR times...you would think he would be foolish to continue trying to be my friend..Right??! He really cant be that slow! Regarding two and three...I hope he doesnt think I am that stupid. He knows I am a pretty smart woman that wont take his bull****. I would never ever be someone that would be "on the side" while he continues to look. If he has changed his mind....he is confusing me and irritating me at the same time. I just dont get it. I do have times when I miss and would like him back. I am just unsure what to think. The whole situation is pretty confusing. Thanks for the reply!!! It seems like you are a very smart woman, thereforee you need to make up your mind once and for all to avoid confusion. Don't let his actions alter your thoughts. Link to comment
looking_up Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 uhhh...seriously! I bolded the sentence that made me think...I guess it is a possibility that he hates the fact that I wont give into his games and that I dont like him as a person right now. I guess this could be a reason...hmmm? with my ex it was like he felt he was a better person than others when he boasted that he was still good friends with his ex's, some weird ego trip. "none of my ex's hate me so I must be a wonderful man" - bs He could also be trying to make himself feel better about himself for leaving you. You were a good friend and a great girlfriend so he feels guilty, to make himself feel better he's bugging you to forgive him. If you are his friend then his guilt is gone. Either way it's selfish. Link to comment
gundr1kr Posted January 9, 2009 Author Share Posted January 9, 2009 Thanks girls... I agree with you...I think no matter what his motive is - it is selfish. Could I please get an opinion from a male? Link to comment
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