Husband emotional affair with secretary

[paris]

I would like others opinion about something that is really bugging me.

My husband hired this woman to work for him. She has been very hateful to me in the past but I told him to go ahead and hire her if she would do a good job for him.

I accidentally (really!) came accross lots and lots of emails he had sent to this woman over a matter of months. One email was from this woman who told him that she had tried this lotion and it made her so soft all over. Well my husband said he would pay thousands of dollars to rub lotion on a body such as hers. Other emails were from my husband to her saying things like how gorgeous she was, how sexy, smokin' hot, how her husband was the luckiest man in the world (yes she is married), how he was smiling at work because she was there, etc.

He also started telling her private things about me, about our marriage, which he went into great detail about. He also sent her flowers to her, gave her candy at valentines day, . He got to where he emailed her about everything in his life (he never told me anything ) at about 10 min. intervals all day and night.

He would always be working at his office he said. I wonder how much work he was getting done when he was spending so much time emailing her or text messaging her. When I told him that I knew what he had been doing he got mad and then said he was just joking around.

I guess I just don't understand how he could have anything to do with someone who was so mean to me in the first place if he truly loved me. I would never do that to him, I feel protective of him because I love him.

Do you think I have a right to feel that he cheated on me, maybe not physically but emotionally? Also, he said that he never thought about her in a sexual way. What do you think?

[avman]

Well for one I don't believe he hasn't thought of her in a sexual way. "He'd pay thousands of dollars to rub lotion on her body?". Sorry, he wasn't thinking of his next business deal when he said that.

 

Yes I think you are right to be upset. If this hasn't crossed over into an outright sexual affair it soon will. I think you are well within your right to lay out an ultimatum. He has to stop doing what he is doing. Of course if he fires her then she sues for sexual harassment. So he's screwed on that account.

 

Next stop for you is marriage counseling, if you want to save this marriage. You need to lay out some boundaries for him that he cannot cross. And you need to resolve this situation. Otherwise it will be like a cancer knawing away at your marriage. This isn't something that you should just ignore. I think it is trouble with a capital T.

 

avman

[betty boo]

I think you have every right to be furious. He has clearly betrayed your trust by talking about private matters re your marriage.

 

I would clearly tell him this has to stop NOW and I would also inform her hands off.

 

There is every reason that this relationship will become sexual. It's fastly going that direction.

 

Your husbands response to your confronting him with the facts is insulting and he is clearly in denial and is taking you for a fool.

 

Take action and don't be a victim of your own inaction.

 

I wish you the best of luck.