My brother came out to me today

[Cirquel]

...and I'm touched that he felt able to tell me. We've been extremely close all of our lives, I love him, will always support him... I've always considered, and always will consider him, my smarter and better half. ; ) When he first told me I... was kind of taken by it, and kind of shocked. I immediately told him that it was totally okay, and that I love him. I think he was worried for a split second... but only a split second. We talked for a couple of hours after and were able to be light about it after some serious discussion.

 

At one point he even said to me, "If I don't have children... will you let me see yours a lot?" And I told him, "Honey, I'll pawn them off to you!" and we had a laugh. But that aside... he'll always be the ideal uncle for my children!!!

 

And I don't know... I feel like crying. And man, I feel so horrible for feeling like crying. I KNOW we will always be the same to each other. I guess it's always the WORRY, "Will things change?" ...I know in my HEART they won't. And then there's the feeling of needing to cry because I feel for him... our parents are not going to be at ALL accepting of this... and I just want him to be happy. I seriously want him to be happy.

 

My brother is an extremely strong person, and he knows he will tell my parents one day when he moves out. I find this an amazing act of willpower... I feel for him so much. I feel guilty that I want to cry, and he seems to be very strong about it. I almost feel as though maybe I'm TRYING to make myself accept his homosexuality. But no... I have many homosexual friends, and always believed it wasn't a choice, and I know it wasn't his choice.

 

On that note, I told him (and this is entirely true) that I had a feeling for the past couple of years that he was gay, and just didn't want to outright ASK him if he was... he said he completely understands, and would have done the same thing. I... kind of think it's cool? That I was just able to tell. I felt like I MYSELF KNEW and was unable to confront it... and in the past year I finally thought to myself, "I wonder what I would do if he told me."

 

And today was that day. And all things considered, I took it well. It's not something you necessarily expect to hear. But I'm happy... happy for him!

 

This post was really just to express my feelings about tonight. I just need it.

[kaoticbaby]

props to you for being so understanding.

at least you know how special you are to him, that he would come out to you first, before your parents.

[homeagain]

congratulations to you for being so accepting. it's really good that this doesn't change your feelings for him and that you showed him immediately that he can still count on your love and support.

 

when you say you felt like crying, are you worried for him? the ability to have children seems to be something you are both concerned with, are you worried that he has somehow lost that or given that up? i can see feeling like crying for him over that, or maybe even crying for him out of concern over all the hate and ignorance that exists over the gay issue. you obviously love your brother very much, so it could be difficult to know that there is such hatred for something that you see as so much a part of him (that you even believe isn't his choice).

 

i think it is really special that he decided to share such a personal thing with you. i think it is a wonderful holiday gift for you to give him -- your unconditional love and support.

[Cirquel]

Thank you : )

 

Yes... I think I feel like crying because I'm worried for him. Our family is so traditional... SO traditional... I mean, if he doesn't do it if he's not moved out they will physically hit him... it's just... bad....

 

I guess I partly feel like crying out of selfish reasons, which is what I'm so afraid of. I don't want this to be about me AT ALL, because it isn't. But I know it will tear our family apart when he tells... and there's a part of me that worries we won't be able to look at each other in the same way anymore... but pffff I know that part is nonsense.

 

I guess... here's the best way I can phrase it: you can say you believe in something, but then when you have A TEST you can REALLY tell. I've always had homosexual friends, but can I accept that in my brother? I know the answer is yes, and I've done searching before he told me because I suspected it... but will it hold up? I just want to be strong.

[Cirquel]

props to you for being so understanding.

at least you know how special you are to him, that he would come out to you first, before your parents.

 

Yeah... I was the first person he told. Thank you!

[homeagain]

>>Yes... I think I feel like crying because I'm worried for him. Our family is so traditional... SO traditional... I mean, if he doesn't do it if he's not moved out they will physically hit him... it's just... bad....

 

it makes sense to cry for your brother and for yourself if you really believe this will tear your family apart or change the dynamics of it. you don't seem to be asking him/wishing for him to be someone he isn't, and you aren't asking him to pretend... which seems like the good and important part here. however, it is a tough situation for you because you care about having your family together... hopefully, love will triumph and people will learn they don't have to like everything about a family member in order to still love them. i hope that happens for you and him!

 

>>I guess I partly feel like crying out of selfish reasons, which is what I'm so afraid of. I don't want this to be about me AT ALL, because it isn't. But I know it will tear our family apart when he tells... and there's a part of me that worries we won't be able to look at each other in the same way anymore... but pffff I know that part is nonsense.

 

the important part here is that this isn't about you, you have no control over this, and you couldn't change it even if you wanted to.... i think you can feel concerned or powerless about this, but i hope for you that those feelings pass, because you're right... this is about his life and his happiness.

 

>>I guess... here's the best way I can phrase it: you can say you believe in something, but then when you have A TEST you can REALLY tell. I've always had homosexual friends, but can I accept that in my brother? I know the answer is yes, and I've done searching before he told me because I suspected it... but will it hold up? I just want to be strong.

 

i think you already accepted him. when he confided in you, you loved and supported him. if that was your gut reaction, it seems doubtful that you would mull the situation over and decide to hate him. you said you love him very much, you took the news very well, and you obviously want to support him. cut yourself some slack! you got some big news tonight. you can worry, you can feel happy he shared this with you, and you can wonder what the future holds for him and your family. i think those are totally normal emotions. it seems healthy as long as it doesn't consume you or drive you to ask your brother to change or hide who he is. i don't think you will do that, so give yourself a little time, remind yourself how much you love him... and don't beat yourself up over the uncertainty of the future that surrounds this news.

[Cirquel]

Thank you so much... I'm glad you understand how I feel... and this makes me feel a lot better. Yeah... it was big news. I hope him and I can help make things work out for everyone involved.

[Steve1]

>>>>>

 

My coming out was a nightmare that kept getting worse. Forcibly outed by one of my good friends when I was 14 years old.

 

One of my brothers knew that we were smoking marijuana - he threatened my friend that he would tell her mother if she did not tell the truth about whether I was gay or not. That if he found out that she lied to him later he would tell her mother about the marijuana.

 

Two of my brothers kidnapped me (literally) and had a baseball bat in their car. They told me to take them to "the effin' fag who forced you to become a * * * * * ."

 

I managed to escape.

 

I hated them. I even thought that I wanted to seriously injure them. I hated my family.

 

It was a huge crisis for everyone but I felt like I hated them all and just wanted them to leave me alone (at age 14).

 

Today - well, ever since I was around 18 years old (21 years ago) - I could not ask for a better family. After that very ugly time they all really changed and saw that I am still their brother, and that lesbians and gays are not individuals that bring thoughts of disgust to their mind. My mother was ok with it very early after learning that I was gay.

 

I always knew I was gay from my earliest memories.

 

All of my family now has welcomed the 3 different men of my longest relationships and a few short term boyfriends into their homes to visit - to our family get togethers.

 

None of them tolerate homophobic remarks.

 

My sister's husband has a gay brother who was drunk and on god knows what combination of drugs at any given time and he would occasionally show up at their house in the suburbs - dressed in full very poorly done drag - almost always in broad daylight. They always laughed about it - never horrified or embarrassed.

 

I really love and enjoy my family today. My mother has always given me relationship advice - very few issues in a relationship only apply to gay male couples.

 

I wish your family the best in this - especially you and your brother.

 

Today this seems so foreign to me that anyone could actually have a problem with this but it is very real. I am just so comfortable with that part of who I am.

 

With that being said, keep in mind that if a parent disowns their child for being lesbian or gay - That is just evil and inexcusable.

 

Steve

[Cirquel]

With that being said, keep in mind that if a parent disowns their child for being lesbian or gay - That is just evil and inexcusable.

 

Thank you for your story, Steve. I'm glad that things have turned around for you... I imagine things will eventually turn around for my brother, as well. I can't say I wasn't somewhat shocked when he first told me... but it only took a few days for me to get over any 'qualms' I may have had. My brother IS who he is... and I'm going to try my best to make my parents and family see that.

 

It's sad how people think someone 'FORCED' you to become gay, etc. My mom still holds that view. My brother and I have been trying to work on changing that view for years, even before I found out about my brother's sexuality.

 

Your post means a lot to me. Thank you.

[PreMaP]

that's so cool. when a sibling can tell you something that can be so horrifying to say (in case the results they were hoping for wasn't it) and then to hear that someone like you is understanding, such an amazing feeling.

[folie_a_deux]

i just want to say how much i would've wanted you as a sister.. haha,

my sister would totally flip if i told her, but im yet to explore my sexuality as well. currently i am bi, not sure yet?

 

but to think that u actually might cry because you're worried about him makes ME want to cry, cos that just shows how strong siblings are..

 

my sister and i are 7 years apart, so we might not ever feel the same way about things, and she's the best thing that happened to my parents, whereas im probably a hindrance to my parents.

 

i've always wanted to ask my parents whether or not they've ever felt bad about having me as a child, but i've never bothered, because i no they're answer would be typical -- they're happy but they think i can do better.

 

good on you for loving your brother that much!

[In-The-Zone]

Random question, where did you get the name Cirquel from?