Please help

[Imissher]

Hi everyone,

I made a previous post talking about the same topic, but this is a bit different now.

 

enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=262417

 

My ex, (who I love very much) has talked to me a bit on and off today through texting, ect.

 

We talked a bit, and she is basically standing firm on not wanting to be together. She said, ''I love you, but I have changed''.

 

Do you think she still just needs space? I just told her, I understand. I just want you to be happy. You are a strong woman, and I know you will do great things.

 

I love her to death, but right now I guess she does not want to be with me. We have the world ahead of us, but maybe she is afraid to leave her family, friends, ect. She is very young, 18, and this just happened out of the blue.

 

I know she wanted to have a family with me. One year (more as a joke) she got a one-sie piece of baby clothing. We had talked often about getting married over the last year. So it is not like we had just discussed this and it scared her off. I am terrified, and I am heartbroken.

 

I really need some guidance. Especially on Christmas.. :sad:

[SighSob]

My ex is 18 too, she too "loves me" and I am "the most important person in her life" but "she has changed". This kind of * * * * happens when your girlfriend is very young. All we can do is vanish and let them experience life without us. If it's just a "phase" they'll eventually come back to us. Otherwise they really have changed, or in any case they have moved on from us and we're gonna have to do the same.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

At that age it is likely she wants to date around. Unless you are comfortable ultimately hearing about her next boyfriend, I would suggest that you sever ties with her completely. You are just setting yourself up for further heartbreak the longer you remain in contact with her.

[Imissher]

My ex is 18 too, she too "loves me" and I am "the most important person in her life" but "she has changed". This kind of * * * * happens when your girlfriend is very young. All we can do is vanish and let them experience life without us. If it's just a "phase" they'll eventually come back to us. Otherwise they really have changed, or in any case they have moved on from us and we're gonna have to do the same.

 

I hope to God we can fix this. We are almost identical people when it comes to personality.

 

I asked her if this was about dating other guys, being with someone else, ect, and she told me no. She just said she needed to be alone.

 

I miss her horribly, and I love her to death. I want to fix this, but only if she really does love me. I talked to her family (I'm very close to the brothers) and they told me this isnt about another guy, and she is just very confused about what she wants in her life. They all were surprised when this happened.

 

I love this lady, and I want to have a life together. I'm terrified of losing her forever. I think I will have to just leave her be, and give her space like you both said. Do you have any other suggestions?

 

I have her necklace here, and she said she did want it back. I got it for her 2 years ago for Christmas. I will send it out in the next couple of days I suppose. I wish I could hold her in my arms. Right now she is in Kansas with her family, and I am stuck here in Kentucky. We both met while I was living in FL. I really don't want to lose my girl.

[SighSob]

Man do I feel you. Just leave her alone and hope for the best. Love is just unfair.

[Imissher]

Man do I feel you. Just leave her alone and hope for the best. Love is just unfair.

 

I hope so man. There is already physical distance between us, so I am extra worried about losing her.

 

I want to go and see her, but I think right now that would just make things worse. I love her man. We were talking for over a year about getting married, and having a family together in the next 4-6 years. ](*,)

[SighSob]

Definitely don't go see her. When my ex-gf told me she needed "space" to acknowledge her feelings for me, I begged, cried, and did all the things you want to do right now and it only made things WORSE. You can only wait. Hopefully time will make her figure out what she's doing. I know what you're feeling cause I've been there too. Just don't break NC, really.

[Imissher]

Definitely don't go see her. When my ex-gf told me she needed "space" to acknowledge her feelings for me, I begged, cried, and did all the things you want to do right now and it only made things WORSE. You can only wait. Hopefully time will make her figure out what she's doing. I know what you're feeling cause I've been there too. Just don't break NC, really.

 

My friend, that would be so much easier if we were not several states apart right now.

 

I will try my best. I love this girl to death. We were engaged, and I can't just let all this die with some slight change. I truly believe it is fear on her part..

 

1. Fear of being in a committed relationship so young.

2. Fear of leaving her family and friends.

3. Fear of having to be around someone new 24/7.

4. Fear of Moving to a whole new place.

 

There have also been a few big chances in her life in the last year.

 

1. Her very close brother and his wife might be getting a divorce.

2. Her other brother was in a near fatal car accident, and is currently still incapacitated.

3. Her injured brothers wife delivered their first child last year. She just now gave birth to their other baby (in the last week).

4. Her 3rd brother, just had his 3rd child.

 

She is very close to her brothers, and her family, and I think with so much going on, it just makes it so much harder for her. She had talked to her brothers with me (just a couple days before this happened), and was talking to them saying how excited she was to move in with me, talking about how she couldnt wait for them to visit. They were so happy for us, she was so happy, I was so happy. Life was perfect.

[Imissher]

Also, this might be over some stressful but unavoidable stuff.

 

We had to deal with some distance for the last 5 months or so. Everything was going great. This change was very sudden.

 

I think maybe, our schedules made her even lonelier. I work nights, so when we talked it would be only for a little while some days. She slept while I was at work, when I got off of work, she was getting ready for school, when she got out of school, I was going into school, When I was getting out of school, she was heading back into her later classes, when I was home, I was sleeping. When I woke up, she was sleeping and I was on my way to work. ](*,)

 

I have to fix this guys. She is my true love, and soulmate. I hope you guys have some more advice.

[Imissher]

I wish I could hear back from someone. I'm very lost right now, and need guidance.

 

This season will be very hard.

 

September - Anniversary

November - Thanksgiving

December - Christmas

January - Birthday

February - my Birthday

 

I guess I will have to see how things go. I need to feel better. I keep bouncing back from extreme depression into suicidal thoughts.

[sparkles4]

This is a tough situation, but the thing you gotta understand is this girl is 18 years old. I don't know what your age is, but she's currently at an age where people grow and change a lot. Most 18 year olds are still trying to figure out who they are and what they want; not to say 18 year olds are lost and clueless about themselves, but if you asked me how I felt about certain things at 18 compared to now, my answers would be very different. If I'd gotten engaged to whoever I was with at 18, chances are I'd be regretting it now.

 

Be understanding that she is young and needs the freedom to experience life unrestricted, so that she can grow into the person she's meant to become. Confining her to an engagement this early on will hold her back, and I think that she is probably aware of this. Letting her go is the most loving thing you could do for her right now.

[Imissher]

I understand. I will try my best to just give her space. I love her with my entire heart, and I would love to spend my life with this girl.

 

I am hurting bad without her in my life, but I want whats best for her. I hope she will come around.

[SighSob]

Man don't even think about suicide. You're going to get out of this pain, we've all been there and none of us suicided. Breakups are just part of life. Even I, who like you considered the idea of throwing myself out of the balcony when she left me, am now feeling better. Know that you're not alone, and hey, there's still a good chance she'll come back to you. If she doesn't, the world is plenty of girls, I know it's a stupid thing to say and I hate it when my friends try to cheer me up with those silly phrases but it's DAMN TRUE!!! BE HAPPY!!!

[Imissher]

Man don't even think about suicide. You're going to get out of this pain, we've all been there and none of us suicided. Breakups are just part of life. Even I, who like you considered the idea of throwing myself out of the balcony when she left me, am now feeling better. Know that you're not alone, and hey, there's still a good chance she'll come back to you. If she doesn't, the world is plenty of girls, I know it's a stupid thing to say and I hate it when my friends try to cheer me up with those silly phrases but it's DAMN TRUE!!! BE HAPPY!!!

 

Thanks brother. I hope she will come back, but I'm not going to put my life on hold for her while she decides what she wants to do.

 

It has been 1 month now since all this happened. Or very near 1 month now. We haven't really talked on the phone for about 2 weeks. She has been texting me on and off though. Mostly small talk. I called her mother, and her brother and told them that I do love her, but I need to do whats best for her. I may try NC after I get a hold of her and say what needs to be said.

[SighSob]

Yeah dude. Just don't suicide please. Want to add me on MSN so I remind you that we all been through this and we survived?

[Imissher]

Yeah dude. Just don't suicide please. Want to add me on MSN so I remind you that we all been through this and we survived?

 

Sure man. I'd love that. PM me your info bro and I'll add you up. I need to re download MSN I think..

[Avathar]

It's been a month and she has been making small talk? Wow sounds like my ex who dumped me for basically another guy. Come 3 months after she dumped me 2 months after they started dating, we talked again and I told her I was moving on. She has been depressed for almost a week now becuase she has no idea what she really wants.

 

Give her time and No Contact. if she contacts you with small talk just don't respond as hard as it may be.

[Imissher]

I have decided that NC is the best option right now.

 

I will tell her next time we talk...

 

I love you, and I always will love you. I know you do not know what you need right now. I hope someday that could be us again. If you need to get a hold of me, you know how to contact me.

 

X

[Imissher]

I wouldn't even tell her, it might be seen as you trying to give an ultimatum. I would just do it.

 

 

Valthonis

 

I talked to her today, she sounded very down. She called to tell me that she got a new phone and a new number and she wanted me to have it.

 

She sounded very down, and talked about how she wasn't feeling good because she drank and got sick yesterday at her friends. She had a problem drinking before, and she drank so much that she passed out and her parents couldn't wake her. I believe she might have some possible ''addiction'' problems.

 

I love her and I'm scared. I basically just told her that I love her, and I always will. I also told her if she needed to get a hold of me, she knows how. I hope she doesn't start drinking again. This is the last thing she needs right now.

[Avathar]

I talked to her today, she sounded very down. She called to tell me that she got a new phone and a new number and she wanted me to have it.

 

She sounded very down, and talked about how she wasn't feeling good because she drank and got sick yesterday at her friends. She had a problem drinking before, and she drank so much that she passed out and her parents couldn't wake her. I believe she might have some possible ''addiction'' problems.

 

I love her and I'm scared. I basically just told her that I love her, and I always will. I also told her if she needed to get a hold of me, she knows how. I hope she doesn't start drinking again. This is the last thing she needs right now.

 

tell her that you think it's best for both of you to move you need to not talk or see each other. However that if it's important stress that she can contact you becuase you will be there for her. Watch and see how many times in a month she contacts you with something deeming it "important"

[Imissher]

tell her that you think it's best for both of you to move you need to not talk or see each other. However that if it's important stress that she can contact you becuase you will be there for her. Watch and see how many times in a month she contacts you with something deeming it "important"

 

Do you think I will hear a lot of ''important'' things?

[Imissher]

I hope I hear from her. I love this girl.

 

She told me a few things the last time we truly talked about it.

 

She said.

1. She is scared of leaving her family/friends.

2. She is scared of having such a committed relationship at 18.

3. She said this had nothing to do with another relationship.

 

A couple weeks ago when we talked, she said she was crying a lot, and was very numb. I love this girl, and I'm trying hard to give her space and time to think. I don't know what else I can do though.

[lizzy45]

hi i think you need to give her time if she loves you she will be back to you, 18 is an undecisive age and she may need time to look at things , you feel like your loosing her right now but let her decide to come back to you herself wait for a while and see what happens i wish you well and hope she returns your love and ye both are happy.

[Imissher]

hi i think you need to give her time if she loves you she will be back to you, 18 is an undecisive age and she may need time to look at things , you feel like your loosing her right now but let her decide to come back to you herself wait for a while and see what happens i wish you well and hope she returns your love and ye both are happy.

 

Thanks Lizzy. I hope so too!

 

I just hurt so bad without her. We were engaged and all of a sudden it turned into this mess. I want to be able to hold my girl in my arms, and see her smile at me again. It went from everything to nothing in literally a couple days.

 

Her birthday is coming up, and next month is my birthday.. it makes it so hard to maintain NC.