If you were the "nice guy", can you gain her respect back?

[fanox]

Hey there, newly discovered friends

If a man, during a relationship, allows himself to be taken for granted and lets go of his pride/dignity in order to be there for a girl, then that man becomes a "wuss" in the girls eyes, right? He is no more attractive even though he is a provider, correct? (okay that was me, yes, you guessed right )

 

If things get to a point where the girl ignores the man's calls (while she owes him money), and eventually the man stops calling and retreats completely (forgets the money), then the man is a little "manner" right? okay

 

Now, if another, older, "shinier" man shows up for the girl and she has all the time and space in the world to be with him, then the old/ex/younger guy (doing NC) has no more chances of getting respect from the girl? Is that right?

 

What I'm asking is, if I've allowed myself to become the "too nice" guy for a girl that once loved me, can I possibly have her respect back in the future? Note, I'm not asking if we'll get back together? I want to know if after being "almost a servant" for her, I can once again be respected by her? I want to mention that I wasnt pushed around by her, but I kept giving her full massages and buy food and stuff while she started setting rules such as "no kissing". (ofcourse I * * * * * ed and left about the "no kissing", but I was there next night again)

 

Do women start respecting a guy again? Or is it too hard for them? Again, I wasn't that bad of a case, just a little to honest and loving.

 

Any thoughts are greatly appreciated? Thanx!

[NewPhillyGuy]

I'm really cringing when I'm reading this.

 

First of all, WHY do you want to be around someone like this? She doesn't respect you, and you can't change that. This sounds like her problem, not yours. Your problem is wanting to be around someone who treats you this way. Please, go find a woman who will treat you well.

 

I do not believe that honorable people treat others this way. You should not have to be fighting for her respect. She should be appreciating you in the first place.

[C6Z06]

Nice guys ALWAYS finish last

[keefy1972]

My first bit of advice would be for you to DEMAND your money back. A so called "wuss" is who backs off and forgets about it.

[UCLAMike]

My first bit of advice would be for you to DEMAND your money back. A so called "wuss" is who backs off and forgets about it.

 

say it like it is bro. there's no magic to this. if u dont defend ur confidence and self respect, no girl on earth will do it for u. man has to stand ground and maintain his dignity at all times, or else even mother teresa would lose interest in u. i learned this the hard way.

[redwineplease]

Nice guys don't finish last. Saps and schmucks finish last.

 

It sounds to me that the problem is not that you're a nice guy. It could be that you:

 

1. Don't respect her boundaries and your own

2. Don't clearly know what you want from a relationship

3. Don't play hard to get (not in a hurtful way)

4. Don't have your own style and confidence

 

Manipulating someone to fall in love with you by being too accommodating or giving will not only make you resent yourself but the girl will not respect you for it.

[fanox]

Thank you fellas for the replies.

To the last reply, I wanted to say that I wasn't manipulating her by being too accomodating. That's just who I was, I was just taking care of sh...

I didn't mention that on the only Vaentine's Day we had together, I actually went to get high with a friend instead of being with her, because she said something stupid i remember. I don't remember what it was but I think it was something rediculous and I just didn't want to waste time that night.

After all she said that she likes how I'm number one (real gentleman or whatever) everyday, but on the really big days (holidays) I don't care about her. She liked that she said and we were together for like 6 months after that.

About the money, I actually was in a really bad situation with money when I stopped asking for it.

ONe thing is, I didn't want anymore ignoring of my calls and having to call her to court and do all that bull.... That's not me. Sorry if you think that is a weakness of whatever, but I didn't want to fall that low. I'm a lil' more noble than that, and she knows it. I wanted to stop the money stress as soon as I could (cuz school was there too) and I found a way.

I actually wrote her a 5 sentence letter telling her that I agree with the breakup and that she can forget about the money ( approx. $800).

That was how we broke up. There was no fight or anything like that.

Thanks again for the replies!