Back in the dumps again... Long story... If you have time.

[robert7x]

It seems that this site always finds a way to get me back... I'm so thankfull to all the people on here for everything they do and trying to help. Thank you all.

 

OH Man… Where to start? I had an interesting year...

 

I haven’t been myself for quite some time now… I’m depressed all the time and have no interest in anything; Job, hobbies, going out… nothing. My ex and I broke up last year same time… so it’s been exactly a year since I was in a serious relationship. When we broke up, I felt like I got hit by a huge semi truck; pretty much felt like I’m feeling now… only worse. It took me some time to start feeling better and actually go out, do some things that I like etc. However, there were always those days where everything kind of comes back and you feel like crap all over.

 

During this time, I had dates… even went steady with one girl… but that didn’t work out. I had girls throwing themselves at me, some wanted just to be FWB… but I wasn’t interested. I can’t believe a guy at my age can say he is not interested in SEX… * * * !??? But unfortunately, so true. Every one of these girls that I dated or had any relationship with was not right for me… (Now this all was happening in the past 3 months… So before that I really didn’t have any contact with any girls or anything like that) I still keep thinking today, How did I attract these females who to sum up were either only interested in sex; were boring to death; nothing in common with some as we were night/day kind of thing and on and on it goes. I mean why do I attract wrong type of girl? I don’t get it at all.

 

During this time, I had offers for sex with all of them, but I never made that move. I just had no interest in sex… there was a period of time where I couldn’t even get a hard-on if it depended on my life. Every time we came close to sex, I had to make up some stupid excuse and leave… This to me was totally fine as I really didn’t see any future with either of these girls. But what bugged me then and it still does is, why didn’t I have sex with them? I’m a guy… I should want to have sex all the time.

 

This was going on for about a month or so… Just crap like this that was going nowhere. I would meet a girl, think she’s interesting, start talking to her, flirting all that crap… Go on dates and then realize… this is bull * * * * . Wasting my time yet again. And the worst thing of it all was that before I even went on a date with some of them, or started talking, I knew that she’s not for me. But I would still try because I wanted to find someone and not be alone again.

 

So this all brings us to today… or better yet to the latest events in my life. I have these 2 friends (girls) that are great as friends. During the past year, or to call it my path to happiness, I had a crush on each of them at one point or another. With one of them, We’ll call her #1, I actually had a little thing, where it was kind of sexual, but then as I said earlier, I never went all the way so we just stayed friends.

 

The other friend, #2, who I had feelings for only once as I didn’t think she would be interested in me, lately, she’s been extra flirty with me. We’re joking that we’re a couple, holding hands and all that cheesy stuff… but there is a problem. See again, I know her well enough to know she’s not for me either. I’m attracted to her because of her looks, but other then that, we don’t have much in common and I doubt, I repeat, I doubt there is a good chance of relationship with her that would work.

 

However, as before, I keep having these feelings for her and would love to be in a relationship with her. The problem I was mentioning is that the other friend, well she’s jealous, and I know she’ll do anything to not let this happen even though she’s saying she doesn’t care. So it’s all messed up and this web of lies and crap I’m in… it’s just driving me nuts. What also bugs me is that I don’t know what kind of game is #2 playing… Is she into me or is all this just joking and crap for her. I don’t know if I should ask and come clean or forget about it?

 

I barely sleep, I eat normally at least, I can’t go to gym as I can’t work out at all… I’m just too damn tired yet no sleep when I go to bed.

 

I honestly don’t know what the problem is anymore… I mean what is really screwing with my head? The fact that every one of these girls has been total disappointment; the fact that I can’t be with #2 now; or the fact that I’ll probably never find anyone that I’ll be compatible?

 

I don’t know what to do anymore… I’m lost, totally lost. Any thoughts, comments are welcome...

 

Thank you all.

[jettison]

You're only a year out of an LTR. All completely normal. You are likely to be a dating mess for a little while longer until you calm down a bit. All part of the process.

[robert7x]

I don't think it's that... i have no feelings for the Ex at all. I wouldn't want anything to do with her... I'm over that relationship for good... It's something else.

[Zeitgeist]

Sounds to me like your depression is holding you back. If it's been going on for awhile and isn't related to any specific event, perhaps you should seek some counseling? I'd say start with that before evaluating any relationship possibilities. If you go into a relationship now with your current state of mind, it's most likely going to end badly anyhow.

[robert7x]

I really don't want to seek any counseling help at this time... I've been thru worse before... It's always this time of year that screws me up... the cold weather... just BS

[SadOldMan]

I had 6 months worth of counselling last year. Initially I went because I thought my depression was to do with being dumped after 13 years. Turns out I've most probably been suffering depression most of my life. I did so much work on myself over all this time. Everything to get me back. But the depression persisted. I've tried prozac...was horrible. Now I'm trying some other anti-depressants. I'm willing to try anything to be honest. Depression sucks.

 

You shouldn't dismiss counselling, robert7x. Try anything and everything. Hope you get there.