"No Contact".... Vallentines Day...

[JamesZero]

I posted a post a couple of days ago about my girlfriend splitting up with me and how i want her back more than anything in the world, anyway, im not going to tell the whole storie again, I just want to know...

 

I have started the "No Contact" Rule, but with vallentines day I feel I should get her something... just something small like flowers and a card, and then leave them on her door step, so that way Im keeping up the no contact... but she knows im thinking about her on this special day...

 

I think she still has feelings for me, and I think this might help?

 

What do you think?

[routerx]

I wouldn't. If you break from someone, you need to make a clean break.

 

That's been my experience in life at least.

 

If it was meant to be, it will happen on its own. I would walk away and get on with your life.

[JamesZero]

I do see your point...

 

But i dont want to lose her, I love her more than anything in the world, and I think I do have a chance of getting her back!

 

I know it might just end up hurting me even more, but thats a risk im willing to take!

[routerx]

Well, then I wish you the best.

[Mar]

I'll tell you now-sending her anything for Valentine's day will only been seen as pressure from you to try and coerce her into getting back together with you. If she was the one who initiated the breakup, REGARDLESS of who broke up with whom, it's inappropriate to then send that person a gesture of romance on a romantic holiday. Let the "no contact" rule stand. Chasing after her will only make her run faster, and you have to give her a chance to miss you and think about her relationship with you and the pros and cons of it if you want any chance of success. She has to think about what she's gained vs. what she's lost, and whether she wants another shot at being with you. If she does still care, you have to let her realize that. That's IF you're willing to wait, which I'm guessing you are. But definitely nix the Valentine's day gift, my friend. It won't do anything to persuade her at this point, with the breakup being so recent.

 

Mar

[emma]

I will give my advise as a girl, as if I was kind of in her shoes... and it might sound weird but I would advise you not to send her flowers. Here is why: if I was her, I would be expecting those flowers from you, but I would not appreciate them at their right value, I would interpret this as a 'he is so in love with me, well, I can take my time then, I can live my life he will wait for me anyway'... which means that I would have no incentive to really sort out my feelings, I would postpone and live my life in some sort of confort thinking you're all mine anyway and always will..... That's not what you want, believe me... Girls need to desire their loved one, they don't want to take him for granted, unconsciously it turns our desire down.

 

If you don't send the flowers, she will probably be disappointed, she will even probably be upset, maybe she will think that you don't love her as much as what she thought.... and that's why after few days she will be really missing you and think of you as somebody she can't take for granted, and that she will start thinking that she was lucky that you loved her the way you did (for sure you still love her, but she shouldn't be so sure of this, or at least she should realize that it might always be the case, and that maybe somebody else will still your heart some day and this other person is the one you will be happy to send flowers to).

 

If you really really really can't help doing something for Valentine, just send her a very very short e-mail, just saying something like 'hi, just wanted to say hi... hope you're doing well' (don't ask her questions, not even 'how are you doing' because you don't want her to contact her just because you're asking for news from her).... But this is only if you really can't help doing something on this day.

[drea_devine]

I agree with Emma. If you send her the flowers and a card she will only pull away from you even more then she is now. By NOT sending the flowers and the card she will begin to wonder why you didn't contact her on Valentine's Day.

 

This may even provoke her to call you, because she'll be wondering who you spent time with on Valentine's day because you obviously didn't spend time with her or get her anything.

 

I think that by NOT sending her anything, she might even give you a call, just to find out what you did on Valentine's day.

 

So DON'T send her anything, not even an e-mail. No Contact! And you'll come out a winner. ( you can make up for Valentine's day once you two get back together)

 

Hope this helps. Good luck

[luxe_13]

It depends on why you broke up.

For example, if she broke up with you because she thought you didn't care about her , then maybe it's a good idea (but don't go over the top!, maybe just send a card with a short, sweet message)

 

But if she broke up with you cause it just wasn't working out, or for any other reason...then don't send anything! If anything Valentines day will be a chance for her to realise that she misses you. Give her a chance to miss you. Let her contact you (iknow it's HARD!) I am going through the same thing.

 

 

Good Luck

[JamesZero]

She Broke up with me Cos she thought I was neglecting her...

 

So would doing nothing on vallentines day might make her think that I am still neglecting her?

[colly]

I have a question for some of the poeple that have replied to this

 

If you break up with them. but you regret it - do you send something?

 

Surely, if you dont send something, they may think you still want to break up with them and go move on.

 

But if you do send something, you run the risk of pushing them further or, if you are in the no contact thing, ruining it.

 

I dont mean to hike yor post, but think about what you might like if you were in her situation.

[luxe_13]

I f you broke up with them and regret it, i definitely think you should let them know. But don't rush back into things. Take time to sort things out. I think a small sweet gesture on Valentines Day would be a nice start

[majord23]

James,

I'm going to be blunt - "No Contact" means exactly that - NO contact.

In your initial post, you indicated that you think that dropping some flowers off for her still constitutes 'No Contact' because you wouldn't have spoken to her.

That's not the way it works bro. The whole rationale of not being visible in your ex's life (in ANY way) is so that they aren't aware of how you feel and don't know what you're doing in your life.

The mind left to it's own devices is a dangerous thing....and that's what you have to do...allow your ex's mind to *imagine* what you're up to and who you're hanging out with. Believe me, she will be imagining the worst case scenario (ie you moving on)...and it will have her more than a little worried. And that's what you want.

 

Sending flowers defeats the purpose of maintaining no contact....you may as well call her, tell her you love her and that you want her back....it'd be cheaper for a start

 

All jokes aside James, she is probably *expecting* you to send her a card/flowers or even just call her...but at the moment, you shouldn't be giving her what she expects...you have to do the opposite.

 

She knows you love her, she knows you want her back....repeating it over and over, whether through words or gestures (flowers), won't make her change her mind....making her insecure just might.

[Alan]

How does the no contact rule apply if the ex found someone else already?? Will it be as effective?? My girlfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago after two years of being together and she found someone like two days right after she broke up with me. Not to mention i was her first love ever and she has never done anything of this magnitude to anyone in the past. How can you guys apply the no contact rule then without me losing her by making her forget about me. She told me she already loved this guy like two days after we broke up? Guys, is she serious? Am i completely out of the picture or do i have a chance of getting back with her? I'm sorry if it looks like im getting off topic james but i hope this can relate to your situation someway somehow.

 

Please help us guys, thank you.

[luxe_13]

Of course she doesn't love this guy. She is on the rebound. This doesn't mean you will get back together – but anything is possible.

Concentrate on making yourself happy without her. Make yourself look great – go to the gym, go shopping and buy some funky new threads. Hang around people that make you feel good.

This is the best thing you can do to get her back. Just show her you are happy without her.

I am in a similar situation – my ex is seeing someone else too.

I am in no position to get him back at the moment cause I never see him, but I feel better about myself now. It had been a long time since I had focused on just me and my happiness.

 

Now I am attracting attention from the opposite sex like anything! Just enjpoying my freedom and having fun! Although at the end of the day, all I want is my ex…I am enjoying the ride until that day comes (…or doesn't)

 

You should try an do the same…of course you'll have good days and bad days….

 

Good Luck x