Ex GF breaks NC, can I just not respond without hurting her?

[fanox]

Hey there, everyone! Sorry I cant link to my story, but you can probably find it in my other posts, that's all I've really posted so far. thanx

 

By the end of our relationship, my ex started ignoring my calls and texts.

I was in a very bad financial situation (because of helping her), she knew it, and she still ignored me. I did not really try to contact her too much. I kinda let it go after a while, and forgot about the money she owed me. I let her know that I agree with the breakup and that she should forget about any money between us (i wrote her a short letter).

After about a month of NC, I removed her from my friend lists on Myspace and Facebook. I was kinda hesitant about it at first, but I just didn't want to know about her activities anymore. It felt like I really let go when I "disallowed myself" to look at her stuff. It was good, definitely progress. Again, there are no hard feelings, I dont hate her or anything like that.

 

Now is about the end of the 2nd mo. of NC, and just yesterday my sister had her graduation from a Comm. College. There, I saw that my ex's roommate (Sandra) is graduating too. We were friends in the past, and I knew Sandra's boyfriend, a very cool guy (programmer), a good dude. So I congratulated Sandra and wished her all the best for her graduation. I was glad to see her, she's a cool girl, i respect what she does (dentist)

 

Today, I see that my Ex has sent me an email with the words: "did you really unfriend me?

 

Again, we have not communicated for about 2 months, and only sent each other a friendly text msg for Thanksgiving. We've not met or talked anywhere yet.

I'm on my way to fixing my life financially and I have motivation for school again and everything. I don't really want to contact my ex just now. I want to let some time pass, cuz I need time, I have stuff to do, and I don't want to get distracted now.

 

Do you think that it's okay if I don't contact her. Even though I want to let her know that I only unfriended her because I don't want to be tempted to look anymore. I did it for myself not for her, or to show her anything.

 

I'm thinking that if I just ignore this email, she may get the idea that I hate her or I'm playing games. No, I just want peace and quiet now, I'm busy.

 

What do you, people, think I should do about this short email. Can I just let it pass, and not think about it? I don't want to affect the girl anymore, and I don't want to get into the whole game again. I just really started moving on.

 

Thank you very much for your input!

[DN]

In order to preempt similar e-mails from her I would send a message back saying that you did 'unfriend' her not to be nasty but because you are moving on with your life and it is in your best interests not to be in contact with her in any way while you do so and ask her to do the same.

[nutbrownhare]

I totally agree with DN. It states your case simply and honestly, and not only pre-empts any similar emails, but ignores the 'game hook' that her email was.

 

If she chooses to feel hurt in response to a reply like that, it is not your concern, or your problem. Letting her know that you are getting on with your life, and by implication that she gets on with hers, should not be seen as hurtful.

[fanox]

Thank you very much for the replies, buddies!

I did feel that I should just honestly write back and tell her that I only did that to help myself move on, and nothing else.

But...

I don't think that I should contact her only to let her know that I'm moving on. She didn't request information and she wasn't nice or anything, she just wrote this one line and nothing else:

 

did you really unfriend me?

 

Would it be rude to simply not reply?

[Broken Arrow]

I would just leave it alone. She isn't your problem anymore, and you aren't hers. If you are really moving on, why would you care any way? You don't need to give explanations anymore, and you shouldn't.

[fanox]

Hey, Broken Arrow, thanx fro the reply. I am indeed moving on, but that doesn't mean that I don't care about her feelings at all. Eventually I want to have good time with this girl (in a year or so i mean) and be friends.

 

That is exactly what I'm saying: why should I explain myself and excuse myself; that's exactly what I am learning to not do as a person.

Besides, she's not even making an effort to write me a complete sentence.

 

All I'm saying is that I don't want to respond to her, but at the same time I wish she knew that I'm not trying to play "hard to get" or pissed off, and I'm just being cool.

 

Thanx for your advice, I think I got an idea about this situation!