getting along with ex-boyfriend's new partner

[Design]

I was with my ex for 8 years. I broke up with him, then thought we should try again after 2 years apart. But he had met someone new. I was a bit upset but accepted it; I even met the girl!

My ex and I have mutual friends, so we are always in social contact and see one another at least every month.

I have since met someone and we are now happily married. My ex is also getting married soon.

My husband and I are always invited to birthdays and bbqs etc by my ex, and it seemed that things were going well with our continuing friendship.

But we are not invited to their wedding, even though we were at their engagement party. My ex said it was because HE felt uncomfortable and it had nothing to do with his fiancee. I have always been very nice to his fiancee. Never compared notes with her about my ex or anything like that. But we have conversations, though we are not the best of friends!

The only reason she doesn't like me is because I happened to date her husband to be. No matter what I do or say, she takes negatively. I am damned if I do, damned if I don't really.

Should I persist with the civilness, or shall I just tell her where to go? I feel I have nothing to lose except what little friendship I have left with my ex. And as much as he says he wants me to be a part of his life, his actions tell me that he's not being sincere, or just under his fiancee's spell.

I understand and admire him standing up for her, but his dishonesty and insincerity is not who I thought he always was. I guess people change.

[Mar]

This happens quite frequently, this somewhat irrational jealousy on the part of a new significant other towards an ex. It's not worth getting angry over, and if you can be civil, be civil so you don't lose that friendship with your ex. If the new fiance is at least polite, then I'd leave it at that.

 

As a stupid little side story for example, my best friend and I have been best friends for 12 years (he's male). We never dated, but we were, for quite awhile, pretty inseparable. Lived together, hung out together, and, when you saw one of us, you knew the other wasn't far behind. Well, Troy met his now-wife, and she hated me on sight because she figured there HAD to be something going on, since no guy and girl can be THAT close and not at least be sleeping together. He tried telling her there was nothing going on, friends of ours tried telling her, I tried telling her, to no avail. Long story short, they moved in together and I didn't see him at ALL because she didn't want him to hang out with me. It took a good year before she finally realized I was alright and truly wasn't out to snag her man. Now they're married, have 2 kids, and I'm with my fiance, who knows them both well. We're all great friends, and she's FINALLY realized that he's all hers.....lol

 

Moral of that not-as-short-as-I'd-intended-it story? It sometimes takes time for the new woman to realize that she can be secure in her relationship and that there aren't any hidden agendas on the part of the ex. If she's being civil, be civil/polite back. Let her know you're happy for them, and throw in how happy you are with your new husband too, as a silly reminder that you have no designs on your ex. She may have had problems with an ex causing trouble for her in her past, who knows? But unless things get to the point where you can't say hi to the man without her giving you dirty looks, leave it be. Any confrontation will be taken as just that, and all you'll get is defensive denials on her part for the behavior you perceive her as having!

 

Mar