Being friends with opposite gender while in relationship

[zachiphus]

When you are in a commited relationship with somebody, what are your feel about your SO being friends with the opposite gender?

 

I personally believe that it's okay to be friends, but I think a line should be drawn as to how close you want to be with the opposite gender when you're in a relationship with someone else. I don't think it's right to be alone or hang out with someone of the opposite sex when you are in a relationship.

 

I think either phone calls or texts every once and a while, but if you do want to hang ou, I think either you should let your bf/gf know or have them accompany you.

 

Thoughts?

[Bunney]

It's totally okay and normal to be friends with the opposite gender in a relationship. I couldn't be with a guy who would be jealous and controlling about that.

 

As long as there is no strong sexual tension, flirting, etc going on, I have no problem if my guy hangs out with other females, even one on one... Some people just get along really, really well with eachother and just aren't the same gender, but that doesn't mean they want to sleep with eachother, and IMO a relationship with someone else shouldn't keep one from hanging out with that good friend...

 

As long as the intentions are innocent from both sides... there's no problem with having oppositesex friends, and even hanging out with them alone.

 

Telling somebody "You can't hangout/have lunch/etc with XXX" is the same as saying "I don't trust you".

[Batya33]

I am very sensitive to dynamics in social situations so I would never give up a friend or time alone with that friend just because of his gender. I have no problem inviting my S0 to join but there will be times when we need private time to catch up since presumably he wouldn't be comfortable opening up to my S0 in the same way just as with any close friend. I find the fear that just because two platonic friends hang out alone something will happen or the temptation will be there for something to happen because of opposite sex a sad commentary on human beings and choice and a reflection of serious trust issues in the relationship.

I should add that individual situations might warrant different boundaries- for example hanging out alone at home might not be the best idea in all situations. I also wouldn't have a platonic friend of any gender who wasn't supportive of or respectful of my relationship.

Of course individual couples make this decision for themselves - just referring to my opinion.

[zachiphus]

very sound advice.

 

I also agree, if it is absolutely 100% platonic. The reason I bring it up is because I do get jealous now and then of my gf talking to guys, yada yada.

 

But some of them are real jerks and womanizers, every once and awhile her ex will message her(he cheated on her) and she will have a short convo with him. I think stuff like this is crossing the line.... or she has talked to a guy that flirted with her(while I was dating her, I wasn't there) but she told him she had a boyfriend(me And for w/e reason she will contact this guy every once a great while, and that's what makes me uncomfortable. Yes, I have talked to her and we are on the same page now.

 

I trust her, but there's a certain respect that should be shown for you SO as far as this goes too. My best friend from high school whom I know since middle school is a female, and we were as platonic as could be until I started dating my current GF, and she was telling me she wanted to sleep with me, have a threesome with us, etc... So I broke it off with and haven't had contact with her for months(and hopefully won't again)

 

agree/disagree?

[JadedStar]

Yes, massages are over the line I think.

 

There are a ton of threads on this - i would go search for them if i were you - you will gain a lot of perspective on this. IT is often a heated and very complex topic! LOL

[zachiphus]

Yes, massages are over the line I think.

 

There are a ton of threads on this - i would go search for them if i were you - you will gain a lot of perspective on this. IT is often a heated and very complex topic! LOL

 

lol.... I said messages, not massages... LMAO!

[JadedStar]

lol.... I said messages, not massages... LMAO!

 

LMAO !

yeah we give great massages here on ENA. aren't ya glad you found us? LOL

 

I thought you said her ex gave her great massages. LOL