I can't deal with this break up. Help!

[pink88]

After 4 years... I have no idea how to accept this break up. He still wants to be my friend, but I really don't think that's going to work out. He cares for me and loves me, I love him as well, but we won't be able to get over each other if we still talk. I miss him so much. I already tried working things out but he said that we were just two different people... I constantly call him, and we still talk... but we once saw each other, and we ended up doing something that we shouldn't have done. He simply said we could never do that again because we would hurt each other, soo everything is okay now? Even though that happened, he still doesn't want to...? On top of that, all of his family knows we broke up, and yet, he wants to invite me to dinner with them.... what????

 

I need help!

[live.ur.life]

Do what's best for u. If being friends with him is going to hurt u and distract u from what u need to do to repair yourself after this breakup than don't be his friend. Don't lie to him either. Be honest. Let him know that u can't handle a friendship with him and don't want to be friends. If he tries to talk u out of it, don't be naive. It's not about what he wants anymore. It's about u and what u want. Have faith that u can get over him. U guys brokeup for a reason and whatever that reason is..it was meant to happen.

[Umlunguusa]

Don't cut him off completely, but don't always return his calls, ignore him a bit. You want HIM to miss YOU, not the other way around. That is the only way you can fully heal. if you pick at a wound...it'll always stay sore. you must leave it alone...and perhaps, if you do isolate yourself from him enough (and remember, an important golden rule: DON'T LET HIM SEE YOU LIKE THIS, THIS HURT) he might even come around and realize what he's missing. so just try and follow that general advice.

 

If his family invites you to dinner, don't be afraid to turn it down. I promise that it won't be the last time he'll try if he truly cares about you, but if you are always available--Why would he miss you? So you just got to make yourself scarce--not "No Contact", that's not right for this situation. But make yourself scarce. talk to him once in a while, and when you do, maybe you can be flirty, but if he calls you, don't always pick up.

 

Trust me on this one: I know what I'm saying.

[pink88]

So, its been a few days... I knew I would not keep my promise, so we ended up talking again. This time, I asked him to give the realtionship a chance, he said no, for many reasons. I grew up with him, and he said that we haven't been able to grow, and that growing together while in a relationship was not going to work. In a way, I feel that the hope of coming back together is gone, and there is no pressure on me. I kinda let it go. What is surprising though is that he said he would see me on Christmas eve. He also said that he needs me in order to live his life, but he wants me to think that I can live mine without him. I feel like he really cares about me, but isn't a break up supposed to be a BREAK UP, as in I never want to see you again? I will let things be for a little while, but I just hope he doesn't start dating any time soon, or I will be really sad. He also said that he wanted to take a class with me during the spring, we both need that class. I'm not sure if that will complicate things... I was just hoping I would not get to see him until I am completely over him. I'm not sure how things will turn out...

[quirky]

I totally agree with Umlunguusa suggestion. It's clear he cares for you and you care for him, nevertheless it'll be better overall if you are not very available. Things cannot be as they were and he has to realise the consequence of his decision. With you being around a lot, he will not understand any loss. And you will not be able to get over it and discover things about yourself. It must be hard after 4 years.. if there's any chance of him coming back is if you distance yourself. Change is tough, take this time to think of just yourself.