Why do people say being in love is painful and dangerous?

[BronzedSkin123]

Why?

 

I also heard that it makes you do stupid things, like what?

 

Or that you don't eat for a few days? I don't understand why.

 

Anyone who has been 'in love' tell me what you were experiencing. I'm curious

[melrich]

haven't really heard of the "Painful and dangerous" thing. I guess the dangerous aspect is that you allow yourself to love someone then you are taking a chance of being heartbroken?

[SapphireNoir10]

Eugh yeah it can be the best and the worst thing ever.

 

But to experience the highs of love you often experience the lows.

 

But is it worth it? Yes it is.

 

Only in abusive relationships is it really dangerous.

 

Heartbreak can make you sick or not eat but you get over it.

[redhearts]

My sister couldn't eat for a couple weeks; a broken heart. She barely ate to get by. She was LITERALLY sick because this guy cheated on her, dated the girl he cheated on her with right after. Oh what? They are together now, my God.

[BronzedSkin123]

I was reading something on the internet where people described falling in love as being a very strange feeling at first. And that others found it to be gut wrenching and painful--particularly if you're not used to such high emotions. I don't know I never thought falling in love would feel that way

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I never had anything but pain from being in love.

[SapphireNoir10]

Yeah I feel that way so far. The one time I truly loved it wasnt reciprocated (worked this out eventually) and my GOD i didnt eat for three weeks hardly, dropped down a size, looked awful, Im ok now and happy now.

 

But sometimes I feel like loving someone isnt worth the risk, but i've taken it again because life is so boring not taking that risk because love can be so amazing.

[BronzedSkin123]

I never had anything but pain from being in love.

 

What do you mean??

[BronzedSkin123]

Yeah I feel that way so far. The one time I truly loved it wasnt reciprocated (worked this out eventually) and my GOD i didnt eat for three weeks hardly, dropped down a size, looked awful, Im ok now and happy now.

 

But sometimes I feel like loving someone isnt worth the risk, but i've taken it again because life is so boring not taking that risk because love can be so amazing.

 

I guess I'm naive because I always thought when you fall in love with somebody the other person automatically falls in love with you..that comes from watching silly romantic movies as a kid

 

Now I am just discovering this thing callled unrequited love lol When the other person didn't love you back did you stay in the relationship or did you leave??

[SapphireNoir10]

Oh it wasnt an obvious lack of love. He proposed, we lived together but I was emotionally THERE he was in my heart, I wasnt in his. I knew because he was verbally and occasionally phyiscally abusive. Someone who loves you doesnt treat you like that.

 

Eventually he said 'I dont love you, but I still want to stay with you' so I moved all my stuff out and havent spoken to him since.

 

Awful experience? Yes, but its made me appreciate my current boyfriend whose a sweetheart all the more. So you learn from the pain, not to take such awful treatment, to appreciate nice guys more you know?

 

Sometimes it works like the movies.

 

EDIT: It is a lil naive to expect someone to love you back because you love them, in an ideal world it would work like that. And sometiems it does.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

What do you mean??

 

 

I mean that I loved but they didn't treat me right and it led to a lot of heartache for me.

[Rosee]

There's a line from an Incubus song that goes "some people fall in love and touch the sky, some people fall in love and find quicksand.."

The couple of times I've been in love it's been more the quicksand for me, I think it would be pretty amazing if I had felt the love was fully reciprocated, the guys seemed to fall in love first and by the time I caught up they were not so much, lol.

[JadedStar]

Why?

 

I also heard that it makes you do stupid things, like what?

 

Or that you don't eat for a few days? I don't understand why.

 

Anyone who has been 'in love' tell me what you were experiencing. I'm curious

 

Never heard the dangerous part and the painful part can occur because one can be vulnerable at that time. But it doesn't have to be that way. Unhealthy love relationships can be very painful or one where a person falls in love with someone who isn't as into it or who isn't honest.

 

the not eating is infatuation stage.

[BronzedSkin123]

Never heard the dangerous part and the painful part can occur because one can be vulnerable at that time. But it doesn't have to be that way. Unhealthy love relationships can be very painful or one where a person falls in love with someone who isn't as into it or who isn't honest.

 

the not eating is infatuation stage.

 

Why would infactuation cause you not to eat?

 

and from the replies I am starting find love less appealing. I don't know I'm kinda glad I've never been in love it's not what I imagined it to be. I always thought when you fell in love, everything just fell into place. The person would love you back, and then you'd just be happy.

[SapphireNoir10]

You can find that type of love. It just takes kissing some frogs before you find the prince. But i promise you there are good people who will love you out there. dont give up.

[BronzedSkin123]

Yeah, I've been waiting to find it since I was a teen..maybe someday it will happen..

[ramsickle1369]

I never had anything but pain from being in love.

But before the sky fell on you, did you feel the high? it's not that being in love is painful, it's losing that love or realizing it isn't going to be what was in your fantasties. Losing someone you truly love is nonetheless, devastating. But you live and heal and move on. One day, you find that you are willing to repeat the entire mess because someone touches you just right inside.

Why would infactuation cause you not to eat?

 

and from the replies I am starting find love less appealing. I don't know I'm kinda glad I've never been in love it's not what I imagined it to be. I always thought when you fell in love, everything just fell into place. The person would love you back, and then you'd just be happy.

 

What you are hearing about isn't painful at all. In fact, you are so excited and full of endorphins that you physically have no appetite. It's not a bad thing at all. It's quite possibly the most amazing feeling in the world. It must be otherwise we wouldn't all do it over and over again.

 

The notion that falling in love is easy and that everything just becomes all roses is ridiculous. Sure, infatuation may feel that way, and if you're lucky enough to have that person feel the same about you, you both fall into that amazing romance. It is incredibly difficult to find the right match and you simply have to use your head as best you can. But you can't be afraid to love. If you keep yourself from feeling that love you will never truly live.

 

On the flipside, heartbreak sucks, no two ways about it. But we all manage to pick up the pieces and try again--until you find "the one".

[ramsickle1369]

Excellent post!!

 

Thank you... Didn't know I was so insighful... LOL

[JadedStar]

I agree with Vic. Great post.

 

The "its all roses" thing is for the weak at heart. Love can be the most fantastic thing in the world but relationships take work, and if both parties cannot put in the time it will fail. Most people think it sounds unromantic to say it takes work. But it does. But that doesn't mean it is ALL work. There are so many positives to it when it is working right that the work is a positive kind of energy spent.

This surely does not mean that everyone who has not had positive experiences with love failed in anyway, it could mean that their partner did and they were not up to the task.

[BronzedSkin123]

Yes, I do feel like I haven't truly lived. There are days when I feel so numb and emotion-less. I want to fall in love so I can feel alive and vibrant. I hope it happens to me before I get old

[ramsickle1369]

Yes, I do feel like I haven't truly lived. There are days when I feel so numb and emotion-less. I want to fall in love so I can feel alive and vibrant. I hope it happens to me before I get old

 

 

My my... You are only 23. I know that's probably annoying to hear, but I didn't fall in love for the very first time until I was 30. And I was married UNTIL 30. You never know when it will happen and the rollercoaster you go on is very difficult to explain. Hang in there... the emotions will come when you find that person that you love. Then you'll be drowning in them! LOL

[ramsickle1369]

I agree with Vic. Great post.

 

The "its all roses" thing is for the weak at heart. Love can be the most fantastic thing in the world but relationships take work, and if both parties cannot put in the time it will fail. Most people think it sounds unromantic to say it takes work. But it does. But that doesn't mean it is ALL work. There are so many positives to it when it is working right that the work is a positive kind of energy spent.

This surely does not mean that everyone who has not had positive experiences with love failed in anyway, it could mean that their partner did and they were not up to the task.

 

Yes, all relationships take work. Think of how you love your parents or siblings or close friends. Would you walk away from them the first time they mess up? Love, True love, is accepting and nonjudgemental. You have to be willing to accept the faults as well. That's when you know it's really love.

[shoxpt]

this is very long, but i have been thinking along time about what "love" is...

 

 

My personal thoughts on LOVE:

 

 

For the past four or five months, I have been trying to figure out what love really is. Almost everyone says they are in "love" at some point, but many of these people are incompatible. I wanted to know what REAL love was so I started thinking of factors that made up love. My early equation for love was as follows:

 

Lust + Time + Friendship = Love

 

 

Lust = the fuel of a new relationship, it is sexual attraction (hormones,), This aspect of a relationship fades within 2 to 3 years. (source: the five love languages)

 

Time = Well, time is time. " I have been with this person for X months and I still crazy about them (lustful)"

 

Friendship = Friendship is fuel of a long term relationship (albeit a slower burning fuel than lust) This is the factor that I was sure was the difference between real love and perceived love. The trick is that lust can trick your mind into believing in a friendship that didn't exist, so when lust goes away, you are left with only wasted time.

 

It was my early hypothesis that friendship was the backbone of true love (this is why I didn't believe I was in love, as my last person and I had not been friends very long before dating, ).

 

More recently, I have come to re-think my hypothesis on the equation for love. During the time I spent with my last partner, I would often get the urge to "give in" and "love" this person, despite the weak factor (friendship). What was this urge? Was it a part of lust? No. while I do believe the urge to "give in" is hormonal, it does not specifically have to do with sexual desire, but is enhanced by it. That urge is the desire to blend with another person.

 

It is my new, temporary, conclusion that "love" is just that, the blending of two people to become one. This hypothesis voids my early concern of determining the difference between real love and perceived love. Two people who are completely incompatible can blend, but it will surely come to a painful end. My earlier equation is not completely useless, it can/ should be used as a guide to determine whether or not to "give in" and fall in "love." as it can be used as a tool to determine the likelihood of a relationship surviving past the lust stages of a relationship. That being said,

 

I believe that "love" is a dangerous act that can destroy a person. By loving you have taken two individuals and replaced them with one and as a result have no SELF to return to should the relationship end. you have to start rebuilding who you are from scratch, which can be extremely lonely (because you have no one, not even yourself to keep you company)

 

Some may say … "My ex didn't love me because when he/she left, they were completely fine. Well, my answer to that is… if your ex told you they loved you at one time, they were probably truly in love. It's just that your ex had time to rebuild themselves before ending the relationship, leaving you to find yourself all alone (bastards!).

 

my advice to you is to never loose your identity in a relationship, keep yourself a whole person who can live without your partner. i guess the christians call it "guarding your heart." if you blend with another person, that person becomes a synonymous with who you are as a person, and finding the individual you becomes extremely difficult.

 

keeping your heart guarded doesn't mean that you cant commit, or care deeply for someone. You actually care more and treat them better!! the only difficult thing about keeping my heart guarded is that i will never PROMISE forever. If i promise forever i will take that persons presense in my life for granted. I would rather be constantly aware that I have to work to keep a special person in my life. Instead of telling my person that I love them, I'd rather say: "dear, there is nothing forcing you to be in my life, i truly appreciate you being here and I am committed to pleasing you so i can continue to have the pleasure of your company." And mean it with all my heart. (to me, this is better than saying "i love you")

 

What do you think? Am I onto something? Am I even close?

[Imprecision]

The funny thing is that you never fall in love with whom you expect you would - The gods play tricks on people.

 

Perhaps there's someone - you're always happy to be around her. You don't have to talk or do anything exciting. Maybe you two are just reading in a coffee-shop - It doesn't matter. That happiness feels so ordinary, like when you were a kid hanging out in the park on Saturday, and, sitting on the grass, you could feel the wet dew, which is light bronze in the late afternoon sunlight. Everything is quiet, except the sporadic sound of cars in the distance. In a moment, your mom will call you back home for dinner. For now, you're just enjoying yourself.

 

After you hang out with said person, you feel so ordinarily happy. And this happiness lasts for the whole day.

 

This is a quiet happiness. When you have a crush on someone, you gossip about it with your friends. But when you're in love with someone, you're just really happy. You don't need to talk to people about it.

 

Another way: Maybe you were wandering downtown alone the whole day (because you need some alone-time). As you get off the bus, you run into said person. Then you feel supremely happy when you run up and hug her. You feel like you just met long-lost friend (even though you saw her just yesterday).

 

For me, this is love (as opposed to infatuation, lust, or obsession). Unfortunately, in real life, resentment and love go hand in hand. Hatred and love go hand in hand, too. In fact, they are sisters.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

But before the sky fell on you, did you feel the high?

 

The ones I fell for played a lot of come hither...go away games so the highs were for 5 minutes followed by lows...followed by highs...followed by lows etc. There was never any lengthy high period where things were going great. It was constant disappointment and frustration followed by highs where things looked like they would improve followed by extreme lows when they were up to their old tricks again. So no, unfortunately I can't say that I ever had any real happiness and contentment from a relationship.