Giving Space...what does that mean?

[tattoobunnie]

While I have poured my anxiousness and heart out on here, and after LC with my ex, I have decided to put space between us. Even though he still wants me to stay in contact with him, and get together, and it could be viewed as a have his cake and eat it too moment, I just know if I stick around in any capacity, I can't get back to who I am as an individual. I can honestly say that he was the first person I really devoted myself to...an "I" became a "we" for us. I just need to get back to me.

 

Our last conversation...I told him that I wasn't sure if I should be initiating plans, and he said, "probably not." While we had said we were working things out two weeks before, something happened that changed the situation. He was at the point where he said he would like to work things out. That he would not see other people in the process. That he didn't want me to back off and disappear. I got to share with him on something he may have been frustrated with me about which was lashing out and not communicating, which he said he was, and I got to apologize. I told him that in doing what I did that I lost my best friend and lover.

 

He then said, "not forever. Just a lil'while. It'll be fine. I love you!"

 

While he hasn't asked for it and has acted in a way to evade mine, I want to give him the space that a break-up deserves. I feel strange since I want to be with him. I love him. And at the same time, I know what I have to do.

 

I don't know for sure how this works...I'm honestly really good at walking away and never looking back. With him, I really want work things out. Now I know that in letting go, we both could wind up moving on, but it's what I have to do to live now.

 

What does everyone consider space to be? An occasional phone call every few weeks? Dropping off the face of the planet till the other person contacts you?

 

I appreciate your replies.

[riley123]

It's different for everyone based on the situation.

 

In your case, I think it would be a good idea for you to disappear for a bit. Give him plenty of time to get his thoughts together on what he wants to do and let him reach out to you.

[tattoobunnie]

After speaking to one of my coworkers, he said that disappearing is really me running away, considering we're in the working out process. Then he kind of blew my mind when he said that maybe I am the one that keeps looking for things or signs that he is moving on because I really wanna move on. And that if I wanted to be with him, that I should still be talking to him.

 

While I have been able to forgive and forget his mis-doings, I know he's still the same dude who plays World of Warcraft (WOW...lame, yes)...

 

In thinking about what my coworker said, I started chatted with the ex again, and he said he missed me and wanted to hang out, but wasn't sure, cuz at the same time had to catch up to play WOW for a little bit, since he didn't play much over the weekend. I said sure...and on my way over (we live 45 minutes away from eachother now), he called me and said he did and didn't want to get together, and missed me, but wanted to pass on it. I then asked him based on our previous agreement to cover the hospital bill balance I got that day from when we lost our baby. I was glad he didn't want to get together...those bills kinda of brought back a touchy subject to mind...

[justletgo07]

Sounds like it is still a very iffy situation. I'm sorry you're having to deal with that right now. My suggestion would be to go very very very LC, if not NC. As you said, it's possible he's trying to have his cake and eat it too, and even if he's not, he may just be lonely. Lonliness, by itself, is not enough to get back together.

 

I'm not sure if I agree with your co-worker. If you go NC, but allow him to contact you, you are increasing the sense of mystery around you, which will likely increase his attraction to you. Also, you are guarding yourself and your feelings, which I think is important. He seems to be confused, and is going back on forth on his feelings. Personally, I think the best way to snap him out of it is to make it clear that your life is going to continue with or without him, and that if he wants to be a part of it, he'll make up his mind. Dispalying that sort of confidence is a very attractive thing.

 

Good luck! Hang in there!