girlfriend of 2.5 years stomps heart again...Need advice

[bluemudder]

here it goes...I am now 25 and my ex is 20.......when we started dating she was 18 and I was 22.

 

My ex-girlfriend and I have been together for the past 2.5 years. We broke up 10 days before Xmas in 2002 and got back together towards the end of January of 2003. So we were apart by a month or so...a quick note about that break up....her best friend hated me and was involved in it....i left a mean voice mail when i was angry at a choice that she made.....her best friend used that against me and controlled my girlfriend. This friend hates everyone that enters my girlfriends life..b/c we take away her time from her....so she is a lil psycho...and my girlfriend doesnt stand up to her...she just allows all this to happen. She stopped talking to me and ignored all my calls. So i took it that we were over.....i wrote her a 13 page letter pouring my heart out to her and basically putting a finality to the relationship since she chose to avoid me. She missed me and the letter helped her to realize that i was still there wanting her back.....so we ended up dating and getting back together. When we were getting back together...i told her that if she has any doubts or questions to not get back with me b/c i truthfully could not handle being hurt again. I was devastated. She told me that she had no questions that the time apart made her realize how much she loved me and how big a role i played in her life...she also said that she knows that i am the one she wants without a doubt. Well....almost a year later... and here we are

 

She is a cheerleader for her college...my alma mater. I knew we would be apart a good bit but it was something she wanted to do ...so i had to accept it and i did. There came a point where cheerleading and her new friend on the team had a higher priority to her then i did. I would ask her to come over and hang out....but she would be too tired after practice and just hang out with her friend then go home. Our relationship turned to talking on the phone during the week....and seeing her on Fri + Sat for a little bit. Her sport became very physically demanding so I began to only seeher on saturday and she never wanted to do much except relax. I had no issue with that...as long as i was able to spend time with her i was happy....but it got old that i only got to see her one night a week and she wasnt wanting to make love anymore. She was too tired...or hurt...or sore from gymnastics.

She got the flu and stayed away from everyone...just slept all day.....she began to get better and when we saw each other she told me that she didnt miss me as much as she thinks she should have and she loved me but not as strongly. We still went on like normal...but we tried to make things better by understanding more...or trying not to argue. 2 weeks go by same old thing....and we had another talk where she said lets just take it one step at a time and see how it goes. Well one week goes by...and she breaks up with after a basketball game. She gave me a bunch of attitude and was very rude in front of people. I took her aside and asked her what was going on and she told me that she just wasnt happy and wanted out. She told me that she loved me but wasnt in love with me and she has tried to tell me that she wasnt happy. She just wanted out of the relationship. She had to leave....but she said she would call me later that night to meet up and finish the discussion and exchange property. Well she called to tell me this complete lie as to why she couldnt meet me....which was one of the many lies she told me...but something big that i found out is....a month ago an old fling of hers came in town and he called her...she met him at a restaurant. I never knew of this til yesterday.....she apparently told me she was doing something with the cheerleading team when she was with him......she told a friend of hers that told me...that nothing happened b/c they were both in a relationship but he was still hot and her feelings obviously came back to her. So this had to be before the time that she told me that she didnt miss me like she should......this meeting with him obviously swung her feelings for me. He lives in Orlando with his serious girlfriend....but i have no idea what happened at that dinner. I heard he is coming back from Orlando to live in town...i dont know if he is still with his girlfriend....but obviously my ex thinks she will be able to break them up if they arent alreday. I tried to call her once but she ignored the call....just like last year. She will not call me or have any contact with me. I love her soo much....i thought she was going to be the one i was with for life. My head says walk away..but my heart says pursue her or do something. I love her and i hurt so badly right now......the bad thing is I look at other girls and compare them to her. There is no comparison she was my perfect girl! What should I do....i want to confront her with the information i found out....she will probably lie to me.....but i still need to confront her. Should I if i ever get the chance. Please give me advice...i have no idea of where to turn.

[lil_mamarains13]

It is time for you to start the long and painful healing process. She has lied to you once so how do you know for sure she hasn't lied before. She is not perfect if she is a liar. Sometimes you have to get away from the situation or a while to realize youself that it wasn't all good and perfect. Yes it could take days, weeks, months or even years, but one day you will remember all the bad times and realize it wasn't meant to be. And if it were meant to be it will. Take one day at a time, one step at a time, and just live your life. Go out, pick up some hobbies, and just stay busy all the time so you can try and keep her off of your mind. When I got dumped I got a second job. Little did I know we would get back together, but while I was waiting I didn't sit around the house crying and letting myself slip into depression. I have been there more than I care to have been, and I am refusing to let myself fall back in that depression if I can help it at all. Take time to work on yourself, and make yourself happy. Focus on the things that do make you happy. I hope I helped. Good luck.

[hurtandlonely]

I'm sorry to here what's happened. I have had a similar experience with my ex.

 

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Read my story so you understand about the guy she is now with. All I can say is that, as hard as it maybe, is that it wasn't meant to be. I know it hurts like hell. It's been almost 17 weeks since we broke up. Although it's getting easier to deal with and life is starting to feel normal again it still hurts. If she stil has feelings for you then let her find that out for herself. If you keep phoning her etc... it will just push her further away and then it will be too late to save what you had. My only advice is to break contact for a month or so. Not meeting up, no phone calls etc. If she is still in love with you she will realise this because she will miss you.

 

Hang in there mate. And I know everyone probably keeps saying this to you, but time is the only healer. Learn from your experiences, and then you have to move on. I know the feeling that no one even compares to her and she was perfect, I felt that way too. But it's not the case. If she was perfect then all this wouldn't be happening. I'm still in love with my ex, but I am moving on, slowly.

 

Adam