Relationship with a 'non monogamist' - input needed!

[comfyshoes]

the main point of my writing this journal is to try to get some feedback and help for this situation that i am trapped in. it's not really something i have come accross before and the history between the two of us makes it very difficult for me to talk to my friends about.

 

i am aware that there may be opinions that are not what i want to here and it may be difficult for me to swallow some of what gets said.

but

i'm putting this out there and asking for help, so i'll take whatever comes my way and digest it as best i can.

 

 

 

the history

 

the now self proclaimed non monogamist and i were in a relationship for 4 years. living on opposite side of the Atlantic it was and LDR while i worked on exams etc to allow me to move there.

during this time we saw each other as frequently as was allowed with restrictions on the amount of time that i could spend in the US on each visit.

 

we had 5 'break ups' during the four years, the fifth of which was terminal.

each and every time it was caused by my reaction to her constant flirting and chat room addiction along with an inappropriate friendship that she sustained with an ex of hers.

 

 

it's been over two years since we broke up for the final time. there was over a year of no contact whatsoever between us until early this year when i contacted her. i was prompted to get in touch following the sudden death of a close friend. at this time i sent out emails to all the people that meant something to me.

 

we have spoken regularly ever since and there have been declarations of love on both parts, with her going so far as to ask me to move there sooner rather than later.

 

 

this is where the fun really begins, but that's for another entry. i don't want to make each post so long that people don't read it

 

 

 

i'm going way out of my comfort zone to post this here. i'm so very much in need of some help and insight, so please good people, take the time and help and old ENAer out

[comfyshoes]

the last couple of weeks have been a real roller coaster.

she wants me to go visit in march.

she needs me to be near her.

she wants me in her life.

 

we have been talking regularly, though i have to say it is all at her convenience with me taking the time difference hit.

 

we arranged to talk last night.

she had a woman over for dinner. This woman was someone that she had been having "no strings" sex with until recently when the other woman got herself a girlfriend.

with this news, the non monogamist swore of sex with this woman as she now was in a relationship.

swore of sex with her until last night. i got a text form her at 5am saying "can't talk tonight. sorry"

 

today i am not so much angry with her as with myself.

the woman clearly has the morals of an alley cat and sees nothing wrong with having sex with someone that is in a relationship.

 

 

I'm also left wondering what it says about a person when they declare that sometimes sex is just sex but in the next breath tells you that they will never have sex with strangers, only with friends and people that they have an emotional bond with.

 

 

this is just my thinking out load.

 

Input and thoughts from all you good people is actively encouraged.

[HellFrost666]

Tread carefully...

[comfyshoes]

I'm treading with caution, my dear friend.

 

I was wakened from a disturbed post nightshift slumber with a text message that read

"sorry about last night. can we talk tonight?"

 

it made me feel sick to my stomach.

is this really how she sees me? i am really someone that she believes to have no feeling, no heart, no moral standards?

 

i need to keep the momentum of these feelings going. I need to not allow her to charm her way back into this weak old heart with her declarations and promises. this is where i have fallen down in the past.

 

 

this most very recent episode has brought me to question my feelings more than at any other time since i have known her.

 

how can i possibly talk to her to tonight in the knowledge that it's only because she has not better plans, knowing that she will probe me for a reaction to what has happened over the last 24 hours and will somehow turn it around to make it me that has the problem, make it me that is closed minded and jealous, make it me that is to blame.

that's always how it goes