I'm just not that into you..

[ay0_x]

I've been with my boyfriend for about a year now, on and off. We've broken up once, and the break up was for two months, back in May. It was my fault entirely, and I hurt him, really bad.

 

During that two months I missed him like crazy. I realized I'd done something so very stupid, and I wanted him back, really bad. At any cost.

 

After about a month or so we started talking, and I god dang near worshipped him. I spoilt him like crazy. I was incredibly affectionate. I'd do anything for him, anything. And I did a lot of stupid things thinking I'd get him back.

 

Eventually I did get him back but things were still not so great. I was a lot more affectionate than he, a lot more caring than he, a lot more into him than he was into me. He didn't ask to spend time with me, he wouldn't talk to me if his friends were around, didn't call.

 

I was hurting and it resulted in us having fights very often because I couldn't understand why he was acting like that; he'd been nicer when we were broken up. Yeah, I'd hurt him, but he'd hurt me too, and I was willing to put it behind us and I couldn't see why he wasn't. I started steadily growing a little detached, not to spite him, but just to deal with it. I wasn't going to waste any more tears on it.

 

But now he's cling city. If I don't hug him for about an hour, he whines. He constantly complains that I don't talk to him enough, hug him enough, kiss him enough. He says that I'm exacting revenge on him for being cold. He's really insecure and it just kills me. I'm not trying to be a * * * * * to him, I'm not even being a * * * * * to him. I'm a little less affectionate than before, I'll give him that, but in no way am I cold or distant. I tell him I love him. I hug him, I kiss him. I spend time with him instead of my friends when he asks. But still, he's very sensitive and nothing I do is enough.

 

There's not much I can do. He spent an hour yesterday trying to put me in a guilt trip, which worked initially. Afterwards I got sick of it and I just said "Are you bored? You're freaking bored and you have nothing to talk about so you're deciding to make problems. Shut up, okay? Stop acting like I'm never around or that I don't love you. We're not in ninth grade." It shut him up. But not for long.

 

What does everyone think? Is it time to let go, or does it just need a little work?

[lana111]

well i have been in a similar position. long story short i broke up with my long term ex and after we got back together he was a different person. needy, emotional, and pathetic. he was not like that before the breakup (well it wasnt anywhere near as bad before). the breakup made him insecure plain and simple.

 

we dated for another year and a half and it never changed.

 

i say its time to let go.

[vmrhine18]

It seems like you guys can't find a common ground. Either you are affectionate and he is distant or he is affectionate and you are distant. Maybe sitting down with him to talk about this whole situation would be the best idea. Explain to him that when you do show affection that he blows you off and treats you poorly. It needs to get to a level where you are both affectionate at the same time or it will never work.

[greywolf]

I think he liked getting all that attention from you while he treated you like crap. It made him feel good. He was probably unconsciously punishing you for what you did to him. But now that you don't give him attention all of a sudden he's willing to put more effort into giving you attention (too much it looks like).

It's push-pull.

[greywolf]

well i have been in a similar position. long story short i broke up with my long term ex and after we got back together he was a different person. needy, emotional, and pathetic. he was not like that before the breakup (well it wasnt anywhere near as bad before). the breakup made him insecure plain and simple.

 

we dated for another year and a half and it never changed.

 

i say its time to let go.

 

That's what happened to me. That's why it's really important to heal before you get back together with your ex.

[ay0_x]

His "punishment" was playing me with his ex before me. It hurt like hell, as I was already insecure over her because he still wears a bracelet with her name on it, every single day.

 

We always talk about it, always. We talked about it yesterday for an hour where he was telling me that he was trying and he wished that I'd try. The thing is, I AM affectionate towards him. I AM loving. Any outside observer will tell you that. But he wants more. -_-

[vmrhine18]

His "punishment" was playing me with his ex before me. It hurt like hell, as I was already insecure over her because he still wears a bracelet with her name on it, every single day.

 

We always talk about it, always. We talked about it yesterday for an hour where he was telling me that he was trying and he wished that I'd try. The thing is, I AM affectionate towards him. I AM loving. Any outside observer will tell you that. But he wants more. -_-

 

He wants more, but still thinks it's okay to wear a bracelet with his ex's name on it? That doesn't sound fair. He sounds very immature. My best advice for you is to end it or you will exhaust yourself and you might not ever feel good enough.

[lana111]

he still wears a bracelet with her name on it, every single day.

 

 

what the heck!

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This sounds like a complete mess. I think you two need to really talk about things..did you two ever talk about what split you up and his feelings about the break up? There is too much push/pull going on here and if the two of you can't sort it out then perhaps it might be better to split before you two start hating each other. It is not okay for him to wear that bracelet. That bracelet should be stored away somewhere not flaunted.

[ay0_x]

Yeah. If I say anything, he says I'm making a big deal out of nothing.

 

We've talked. About the bracelet. The break up. The affection push-pull. The "using" that went on between us during the break up. We've talked about everything. But we still have problems -_-

[lana111]

well now my vote is def let him go...