I desperately want to hear from other people who have gone from friends to lovers! So confused....

[mca1975]

Thank you Penelope13, the older I get the more I am realising that I am a good person and deserve to be happy and feel more confident in myself. I am a confident person generally, but not within a relationship.

 

I have not been happy for some time, as my boyfriend who passed away, we had an awful row beforehand and we never got to make up and I said I hated him, but I feel that I have overcome that now, he would have known I didnt mean it and I was just upset. I would worry so much about where he was when he was out and what time he was coming home, tho I never thought he was cheating, he did recreational drugs. Then for him to never come home ever again after waiting for two days, arguing and having strong words, was just a blow that has left a big scar.

 

Thanks for your advice, much appreciated

[penelope13]

MCA, i can't even begin to understand what it must feel like to lose a loved one so suddenly. And of course in this context it's more than understandable why you are seeking reaffirmation and why it is so important to you that a partner makes you feel secure.

 

This is a huge, huge loss that you have to deal with. I can see why you are scared of getting seriously involved with someone else.

 

But as you said: YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY! And for most of us that includes a loving relationship.

 

Think about all the wonderful times that you had with your boyfriend, all the joy that he gave you and that you gave him.

 

Would you rather have not experienced it in order not to have to mourn his loss now? Did he not enrich your life?

 

I am always amazed by the love and faith expecting parents show when they are faced with the horrible decision, if they want to have a child which has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Their love and gratitude for every single day that they get to spend with their child, no matter how few days are still to come is truly remarkable.

[talo]

I had a friend that I was getting closer to, and then she died. I was finding it very hard to tell when a friend became a lover. In the very slow deepening of increasingly intimacy this line was hard to detect.

 

It was all about 'how far' each person was 'willing to go', and talking about this point, often in a roundabout way - in a very slowly revealing feeling way.

 

And how far, was dependent on how feeling each of us could be. The slow extension of trust was a measure of how aware one could be. It was increasing awareness, a reduction in fear....

 

I found the terms 'friend' and 'lover' not helpful in this 'zone'. We were very close, and we both knew this, we were not lovers, nor friends.

[My Advice]

MCA read the book women who love too much. If you have bad relationship patterns then you might want to examine why you are attracted to the men you are attracted to.