AngryHeart Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Something I seem to be learning - you just can't act more interested in someone, than they are in you. Infact, if you seem less interested you're better off. It's becoming pretty evidant that if you show more interest than the other person, that person will get scared, and becomes less attracted to you. Or is it just me? ](*,) How do you ever get anywhere and actually make it last? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I never show more interest in a person, than the interest they are showing in me.... If they show a lot, I reciprocate.....if they don't show as much, neither do I. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted November 9, 2008 Author Share Posted November 9, 2008 But then how do you ever move forward? I've seemed to show more interest in guys, and they get freaked out and run away. But then if you're both showing equal interest and whatever...who moves forward? Or is it the whole thing of letting the guy take the lead and pursue again?? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 I show interest and I let the man do the asking out to show interest - I've always found men are far more comfortable doing the asking and more of the asking in the beginning despite being "flattered" if the woman does the asking. So, neither should do all of the pursuing - both should show interest but the man's form of interest should include the asking out. In general when forming new friendships I believe in being in tune with the person's vibes and keeping the interest balanced - for example, if a new friend expresses interest in meeting for coffee or lunch, I don't suggest spending a whole day together, and if after we plan to do that she doesn't follow through, I usually drop it, maybe with one more try - I don't have time or want to take the time to chase people to have lunch with me. I like when things move forward more or less mutually. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 But then how do you ever move forward? I've seemed to show more interest in guys, and they get freaked out and run away. But then if you're both showing equal interest and whatever...who moves forward? Or is it the whole thing of letting the guy take the lead and pursue again?? Well I tend to let the guy take the lead in the beginning. I let the guy pursue me and you won't find me pursuing a guy unless he is showing a 'real' interest. I reciprocate his interest, in answering calls/texts on time and meeting up... I like the guy to do most of the calling/texting and I will call/text occasionally, to let him know I'm thinking of him. There is no need for me to be constantly calling and texting, if the man is doing all of this and consistently... If I sense a mans interest is waning and he isn't calling/texting as much.....then I would stop calling/texting. I would not step up communication, hound or harass him.... I only show interest, when interest is being reciprocated.....and on a consistant basis. It works and has worked for me Link to comment
Nutz Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Something I seem to be learning - you just can't act more interested in someone, than they are in you. Infact, if you seem less interested you're better off. It's becoming pretty evidant that if you show more interest than the other person, that person will get scared, and becomes less attracted to you. Or is it just me? ](*,) How do you ever get anywhere and actually make it last? Oh it's absolutely true. The person that's more emotionally invested loses the upper hand in social interaction. Couple that with the fact that people value things more if they have to work for them (by you acting less interested it makes the other person work harder) then and you get the dynamic that you're wising up to. Link to comment
shygal2008 Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 Ok, i do find this to be true as well. If they think they are losing their "connection" with you and that you may possibly get tired of waiting for them..they will try harder! Only problem is, it becomes a game of cat and mouse..its just them reacting to what you are NOT doing. Once they get the attention back, then they will back off again. So, what do you do then, when do you walk away for good??? Link to comment
Lothario Posted November 9, 2008 Share Posted November 9, 2008 There are different types if 'interest' and they become important tools as you gain experience. Understanding human nature is the key. We all enjoy being playful and unraveling mysteries. It is no fun if someone is too available and to the point, especially at the beginning. Those only play a role in unique situations where you have a limited and finite time limit (i.e. vacation and chance encounters). You can show a great deal of interest if it is wistfully playful. Light-hearted teasing and witty humour go a long way to create an overwhelmingly positive impression without expecting the same in return. The key is to use time to your advantage and that requires self-restraint. His/her interest in you does not build while you are interacting, but rather, in between those interactions. Thus, it is imperative to create slightly exaggerated pauses in between encounters. That builds suspense, anticipation and interest. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted November 10, 2008 Author Share Posted November 10, 2008 Ahh, you're all right. I think I just get too serious too soon. ](*,) From now on I must change this. No showing too much more intrest than a guy is showing me. Thank you!! Link to comment
ghost69 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 you can't give too much. once you really get to know someone, it's okay to shed that shield. Link to comment
MarineDude85 Posted November 10, 2008 Share Posted November 10, 2008 They don't get freaked out. Knowing someone is really into you is unattractive. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted November 11, 2008 Author Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hardly makes sense though..., Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Knowing someone is really into you is unattractive. Is it? I've never felt that way. I like it when guys show a real interest and especially if I like them back. A guy showing interest I don't have an interest in, churns my stomach and gets on my nerves. Link to comment
MarineDude85 Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 Hardly makes sense though..., I know. It's a crazy concept I only realized it recently when I was into this girl, got her interested in me, then she got really interested in me and I had her wrapped around my thumb. Lost all interest and attraction. Started seeing someone else who is more "Challengeing" Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 I know. It's a crazy concept I only realized it recently when I was into this girl, got her interested in me, then she got really interested in me and I had her wrapped around my thumb. Lost all interest and attraction. Started seeing someone else who is more "Challengeing" Hmm, well guys are noted for liking a 'challenge'. I prefer a guy to be straight with me and I like to know where I stand. I wouldn't chase around after a guy, if he wasn't showing me that much attention....and he doesnt get my attention, till I get his. The only time I've been told Im a challenge, is by some guy I was not interested in. Link to comment
Manco Posted November 11, 2008 Share Posted November 11, 2008 They don't get freaked out. Knowing someone is really into you is unattractive. Nah that's bull. It's only unattractive if you find the girl unattractive. Link to comment
My Advice Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 Hmm, well guys are noted for liking a 'challenge'. I prefer a guy to be straight with me and I like to know where I stand. I wouldn't chase around after a guy, if he wasn't showing me that much attention....and he doesnt get my attention, till I get his. The only time I've been told Im a challenge, is by some guy I was not interested in. dlish women are obsessed with challenges just as much as men hence all the women hooking up with guys who are unhealthy for them. Link to comment
AngryHeart Posted November 12, 2008 Author Share Posted November 12, 2008 How EXACTLY do you be a challenge then? Basically be a cold * * * * * , and act like you're just not interested? Link to comment
Nutz Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 No. If you act like you're not interested at all then the only guys you'll end up with are needy, wussy beta males that can't take a hint. The alpha high quality guys that are socially adjusted with just drop you for one of the other women they have interested in them instead. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 dlish women are obsessed with challenges just as much as men hence all the women hooking up with guys who are unhealthy for them. Not ALL women are obsessed with 'challenges' at all/or hook up with guys who are bad for them...and if some guy was 'playing hard to get', then I'd lose interest and rapidly. It seems to me, that the only women hooking up with 'unhealthy' guys, are the ones you know and associate with... Link to comment
Lothario Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 There is a fine line between acting too interesting and conveying your interest. The difference lies in the way you show respect for yourself throughout the courting process. If you respect yourself enough to place your needs before your wants, the other person will be attracted to your self-confidence. If you show interest in a way that you drop everything for the other person, you will be placed on the back-burner because you act as if you will always be there. It is natural to focus on more scarce and to take other things for granted. Link to comment
Nutz Posted November 12, 2008 Share Posted November 12, 2008 There is a fine line between acting too interesting and conveying your interest. The difference lies in the way you show respect for yourself throughout the courting process. If you respect yourself enough to place your needs before your wants, the other person will be attracted to your self-confidence. If you show interest in a way that you drop everything for the other person, you will be placed on the back-burner because you act as if you will always be there. It is natural to focus on more scarce and to take other things for granted. Agreed. If a guy is always calling and texting, he's basically throwing himself at the woman and even if she liked him she'll lose interest to an extent. If instead he just called once then she didn't hear from him, she'll value him more because of the scarcity and will be careful to not let him go (assuming she is interested to begin with). This is step 1 in getting women to chase instead of giving away all one's value and coming off as needy. Link to comment
ManAbout Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I like the guy to do most of the calling/texting and I will call/text occasionally, to let him know I'm thinking of him. There is no need for me to be constantly calling and texting, if the man is doing all of this and consistently... If I sense a mans interest is waning and he isn't calling/texting as much.....then I would stop calling/texting. I would not step up communication, hound or harass him.... I only show interest, when interest is being reciprocated.....and on a consistant basis. It works and has worked for me Btw, this only works if the girl is hot. Link to comment
girl68 Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 I like it when guys show a real interest and especially if I like them back. A guy showing interest I don't have an interest in, churns my stomach and gets on my nerves. A guy showing interest is only unattractive if I find him to be so. It's not based on IF he's showing attraction. Nah that's bull. It's only unattractive if you find the girl unattractive. Amen. Btw, this only works if the girl is hot. Bull. For me I hate game, if I like him I show it- pretty much how much right off the bat. If he's not down because I'm too clingy or what have you- oh well. But the man I scored now, was super interested right off the bat and it didn't turn me off one bit because I felt preciscly the same way. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted November 13, 2008 Share Posted November 13, 2008 A guy showing interest is only unattractive if I find him to be so. It's not based on IF he's showing attraction. That is what I was saying....or trying to say. Link to comment
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