I need some help

[luckystar]

I am on day 35 of no contact initiated by myself. My ex girlfriend emailed me on day 28 out of the blue to see how I was doing and said she hoped I would write her back to let her know how I am . I sent her a very short email in return, mostly informational and wishing her luck on her job search. This has been the only contact so far, and I am all of a sudden dying inside again. We did not break up on bad terms, and she even said she can see us catching up on things in a few months after she gets a chance to figure her head out and get a job, and clear the cobwebs. I am struggling real hard today to convince myself to stick with the no contact. I keep thinking that since she emailed me last week, that the door has somehow magically become open again. I was only desperate and needy one time about a month after the breakup (which was 9 weeks ago) and then I actully was the one to tell her I wanted no contact for a few months so I could figure things out as well. She actually apologized in her email last week for getting in touch before the two months or so were up, but that she just wanted to see how things were going. I did not feed her or give her any ammunition in my reply to her, so I just dont know where I go from here. I was doing really well....but now I am feeling the life sucked out of me. She told me she could see us together again someday after 3-4 months or so, but I dont know if I can believe that or not. I try not to dwell on it, but it is difficult. I am in her eyes at this point probably showing stregnth by keeping my word on the no contact thing, but inside I am crippled. I long for her in my life so much. Do you have any advice you can help me with?

 

thanks and take care...

[Michael2]

Dont take this the wrong way, but if I had the oppurtunity to reach through your monitor and slap you square accross the face I would.

 

You are the cornerstone of the no contact status. You have enlightened many of the broken hearted and provided substantial insight.

 

Listen clearly; if you contact this woman, who is playing with your heart strings, then you are pretty much showing her that you can't live without her. You have made it this far, do NOT mess it up now, got it.

 

You have made so many strong, and I am writing this with the intent that it will offer you the boost you need.

 

She wrote you an email, she is trying to pry your heart open again. That door is not open, she SLAMMED it closed when she decided that you guys werent working out. She has no right to make false promises. Who is she to say, " I can picture us together in a few months." She should have thrown salt into your eyes, that probably would have felt better.

 

This is what I know, if she truly wanted to be together, then she wouldnt be pulling this non sense. Say strong and keep your chinup. You are in control NOT HER.

[disEnchantid]

luckystar, I really feel for you. I don't perceive her actions as being in any way malicious, but they still are making you feel terrible, and you need this time to yourself to deal with your feelings. her telling you that she might be able to see you together again in a few months is just plain unfair, whether she realizes it or not, she is just trying to cover herself in case she decides later on that she wants you back. I'm sorry, but when it comes to relationships, that is simply not appropriate. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't have the right to that luxury, not when YOUR feelings are at stake. My advice would be to just not respond to her, or if you do, keep it short and simple and only to tell her to please not contact you anymore. no discussion of her, yourself or the relationship. period. you need a break from her, and she has no right to ask you to sacrifice your own well being for her indecisiveness or self-doubt. I know this is hard, but you *can* do it, and you NEED to do it. Don't worry about how you look in her eyes, that does not matter anymore, you need to focus on your own healing. best of luck, and stay strong!! We're here for you. feel free to PM me anytime you need some support or encouragement.

[luckystar]

well she said those things during my night of neediness 35 days ago after I asked her if she thought we would have a chance later on after some time apart, and that is how she answered it.....it is a great person.....I do not believe she meant to tear my heart out as she has a huge heart of her own.....the only thing that is keeping me going now is that if I slip up now, that I will have to start at day one again......and i certainly dont want to do that.....it was too hard to just get this far to give in.....

 

I do not feel she has "slammed" the door shut....she is too nice for that.....she gave me a few chances throughout the relationship, but I was too blind to see I was slowly pushing her away until she finally said she couldnt do this anymore right now.....

 

my friends say that my response to her email was good and showed stregnth by not feeding her ego at all and that she may be wondering more now that before what I am up to.....

 

it is just tough ya know?.....some days are better than others......this one happens to be a very difficult one for me.......

 

thanks michael2 for your words.....i appreciate the honesty and need to find that boost to keep me going...

[Tinkerbell]

Although it does sound possible that she is just playing with your heart, this may not be the case. Perhaps during the last few weeks she's realised just how wonderful you are and regrets ending it? That would certainly be a good reason for contacting you...She may be longing for you as much as you're longing for her. If you miss her that much and wish to get back together with her in the future, you need to talk to her about it. See if she still thinks that.

As I've said countless times, communication is a must!

[jclaam]

Hey Luckystar,

 

I am like you doing the no contact method. I am on day 25 now, although my ex came into my work this past Friday. Anyway, I agree with everyone that reply to you. Be strong and continue the no contact method. You said you were doing alright, but after you talk to her. You felt worse. I don't know what is her intentions, but you need to focus ourself. She told you that she could see you guys back together in couple months. What does she mean by that anyway. That is she want you wait for her. Just in case she decides to come back to you. You don't deserved to be anyone backup plan. You are better than that and I know that is hard not to think about her/ getting back with her. But do you really want her to hurt you again. Good luck with everything, let us know how things are going.

 

jclaam