I miss her, and wonder..."What if?"

[Pall Wall]

I had never had a gf up until I was 26, when my online myspace friend and I confessed feelings for one another. She's 4 years younger than me, and she'd never had a significant other either. We live 3 hours apart, and when we started talking on the phone things grew more. We'd seen many of each other's pictures, and she was always flattering me calling me handsome and beautiful, how many girls call a man beautiful? Thoe the distance made it bad, we still were very communitive and considerate to each other. We had met in person a couple of times, and kissed several times.

 

But a year later still talking with her on the phone, I couldn't help but sense she was pulling away. I can't remember word for word that night on the phone, but all I knew was that she felt it would be better for us to be friends. There was a time before months earlier when she broke it off from me for about 2 weeks, and then we were back together, because long distance was hurting her. Looking back I'm still not 100% certain why she broke up, but we were still talking as myspace friends and on the phone. After a long period she was talking about that she misses me, and I felt the same, but it wasn't clearly stated if were getting back.

 

I'm sure you all are asking the same thing all of my friends have asked, "Why don't either of you just MOVE to where you live, it's 3 hour distance for crying outloud?" Answer: she couldn't move here, her family have spent years building a little house for her where they live, and it's her dream house, her whole world is where her family is. Why can't I move?? She has said it to me that everything I have, my friends and career oportunities isn't there were she is. She's scarred I'll move down there, and there would be nothing there for me, and if something with her and would go wrong, then I'd have no reason to be there at all.

 

So now, months later to today, her and I are still good friends and still talk on the phone. But on the sad note, we don't talk every day like we always use to, just like once, maybe twice a week, and not very long do we talk.

 

But now every now and then, I get sad about her. And it can really sadden me when I see a new picture she puts on her myspace showing how beautiful she still is to me. She is so beautiful it pains me, knowing what I had or could have had with this soul that is beautiful inside and outside a 1,000 times over. And it hurts me realizing she's gonna meet a guy in the future, who gets to be near her, and I have to bare being her consalation prize. Although she's assure me no guy wants to date her, because she's shy and is a very super dedicated Christian. But it can still happen I imagine. Her and I are each other's first love, and we really spoiled each other, as we admitted with laughter. I still love her so much, but these sad feelings I get of her I can never tell her, cause I don't want to make her sad, and don't want to drive her away. I'm terrfied losing her. I'm espcially terrfied losing her by her falling in love with another guy, marrying him and I will seem less and less and less important to her, because this HAS happened once before in fact, with a former best friend. There wasn't a romance love history with that former best friend, but she just wasn't there for me anymore when I needed her, and I don't want that to happen with my girl.

[Maelstrom X]

Could you sum it all up in one sentence...less is more...in general and with females.

[itsallgrand]

That all sounds totally normal to me, Pall. You miss her of course, and all kinds of thoughts go through a person's mind after a break up.

 

I do think that staying in close contact as a friend right after is usually (ok, in my opinion, always!) a bad idea. A bad idea because a person needs time to re-adjust their life without the other person in it as a romantic partner. Having a constant reminder of what you are missing doesn't help. I personally think it is drama and heartache for nothing.

 

Later, friendships can be reignited sometimes. But that's for later.

 

Take the good from this and use it to your advantage. It sounds like you got a lot out of this exchange, out of having the (though limited) relationship with this woman that you did. You can use that now off line, in everything you do.

 

There are no hard feelings here and nothing you can do, in my opinion, to change things. It isn't up to me to understand all this though, that 's your job. But just from your post, here is my view:

 

This relationship required the distance and space to bloom. It can not be translated into a day to day, face to face reality for the future.

 

She came into your life with a beautiful message and blessed you, but this one isn't meant to be forever.

 

It seems to me you needed something like this to start to understand all you have to give and to offer a woman.

 

But perhaps it is time for you to venture out off the screen and use all this energy to good use. Start letting women see you for all you are. Stay involved outside in the world.

 

This may seem like the end all be all of relationships but it is really just the tip. Not to undermine what it is you felt and had with her - but it was extremely limited. You didn't get to experience her on her bad days just crawling out of bed and cranky. You didn't get to experience a lot - so the picture you got was of a nearly ideal girl.

 

It's the day to day stuff that really counts. You can have that with someone.

 

So don't be sad about this too long my friend....it was a blessing...use it forward...don't fall back.