Crunch time; let it be? Fallen for the best friend

[thoroughlymodern]

Okay, well this is my very first post. I have a good friend who introduced me to this site and after much deliberation I have decided to take my "issue" as I shall call it here for some outside opinions or thoughts, whatever. Okay heres the deal:

 

During my last year of high school I became good friends with an new crowd of people, and made some really good friends. After high school most of us drifted apart, naturally, except for one guy...we'll call him..."Jimmy". So we became really good friends talked on the phone all the time and had lunch. There was no attraction though, he had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. Our conversations were mostly about them and politics, but as our friendship grew we became to be better friends. By this time last year we had both ended our other relationships still no attraction from either side. We were just two people who clicked. We dated other people and we'd call each other after our dates to see how they went, usually I vowed to never date again. So in the spring of 2003 the you know what hit the fan. I went on a date and Jimmy and some of our other friends joined us later on in the evening. now my date wasn't all that wonderful, but when Jimmy got there I just wanted to hang out with him; I wanted my date to end and our friends to go away just so we could talk and chill like always. Thats when I knew that I had finally fallen for Jimmy, but I had to play it off because he was my friend, my best friend. The following weeks I noticed a shift in his behavior also, he started walking me to my car after we'd meet for lunch, he'd tell me I look pretty, he payed for my addmission to a movie, he'd ask me to bring him lunch, he'd hug me- we never had much physical contact before, all of this was out of his nature as a friend and out of our nature as friends. I'm sure my behavior shifted too, anyway. So one night he called me at two am with a "we need to talk" two and a half hours later we were more than friends, we were seeing each other. i looked like I had spent the entire day with a hanger in my mouth I was so happy. So the first two weeks were bliss, but after that we had a talk.

 

Now something I didn't mention and didn't really pay much attention to in the beginigng of this relationship was the big difference that Jimmy and I had-religion. Jimmy would be leaving in the end of summer/beginning of fall to serve for his church. Now I am not a member of this church and I don't really believe all of their beliefs. After two weeks I was ready to tell Jimmy that I loved him because I did. Before I could open my mouth he said that we had to "try to not let this go any further feelings wise because I am leaving and I don't want either of us to get hurt". So we had a deal and I kept my feelings to myself. I was his friend before significant other and I wanted to be loyal to him and thats what he felt was best for him. 6 weeks after we started dating, Jimmy got the time, place and date for whcih he would serve his church and he decided that he needed to devote his time to prepare for that, thereforeeee ending our relationship. i never told him how i felt. He knew he was the best guy I ever dated, I told him that much. But that was it. We still hung out, it was like dating, except we didn't hold hands or kiss. Our friendship survived but it was not the same, naturally. We had said we cared too much about each other to just end any type of relationship.

 

So before he left he kept dropping hints about me converting to his religion. You see, when he returns it is customery to get married within his church within a few years. Right before he left the hints kept getting stronger and more bold. the very last night I saw him, I had written in a card soemthing about God having plans for the both of us, meaning that Jimmy and I would go our separate ways but achieve many great things. Jimmy was so excited when he read that part, he said "See! You know it too! It's so going to happen! All you need it the dip! Thats all you need!" Meaning I needed to get baptized. I had no comment. For the past four months I receive letters from Jimmy while he is serving about his church and why it is true and why i should join. If I had no beliefs I would join, but I do. I couldn't look our kids in the eye or the officials at his church knowing that in my heart I thought the church to be false. This last letter I told Jimmy that he needed to stop trying to convert me. I know that this is the end, kinda.

 

What I want to know is if I should tell Jimmy how much I really cared for him and that I do think that we would be perfect for each other or just let things be. Thanks ya'll for taking the time to read this and giving your opinion. It's crunch time; I think I gotta let this go,but I want to do it the right way, I don't want to look back on my life and wish I had done soemthing, but I also don't want to look back and wish that I hadn't done something. Thanks ya'll.

[justagirl]

Well, welcome to enotalone.

 

Its a difficult situation for you to be in, but you have to do what is best for you and what you feel in your heart is right. If you would regret keeping your feelings to yourself, than I suggest you let him know how you felt/feel and see what comes from that. But if he tries to force or request that you believe in his beliefs and religion and you know you wouldn't be able to live like that than you know that things wouldn't be right if you both ended up together. If he was able to accept the fact that you both believe in different religions than maybe things would work. Telling him how you feel now would be at an advantage to you since he has just recently left for his church services. Also since he will be away for a few years, it will give you both time to grow and think about what is best and what would be right for yourselves and your futures.

Letting him know how you feel is a good way to put your mind at rest. Then you know you didn't hold anything back and if there were any chances or possibilities they would surface. Also, if there wasnt a chance at least you'd know now giving you time to heal before living your life with someone who respects your beliefs.

I hope this helped somewhat.

 

Justagirl

 

[Kadillac]

I don't think that you should change your beliefs for someone else. I know you must care for him but there will be other men who have the same beliefs as you that you will care for just as much. If you decided to change for Jimmy you may resent him later on. I know its hard but I think your doing the right thing by ending this as hard as it may be.